Bad Idea
by Greensword101
Summary: Why it's such a bad idea to bully Dick Grayson...A deconstruction of Young Justice fanfiction cliches. Spitfire and SuperMartian
1. Bullies

**Author's Note** : After reading some bullying fics as well as one shots were socialites felt the urge to gossip about Dick and Bruce in regards to their relationship (both are pet peeves of mine, as action is never taken to stop either from happening) over the years, I felt that a one shot was needed to show what would really happen if a bunch of bullies at a school for the elite were to attack the adoptive son of the richest man in the city. In other words, dumb people getting what they deserve.

And it felt good writing this.

Please review at the end of this!

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 **Disclaimer: All Rights to Batman Belong to Bob Kane, Bill Finger and DC Comics. All Rights to Young Justice Belong to Cartoon Network and DC Comics.**

* * *

It was supposed to be easy. Confront some nerd for not doing their homework like they were "assigned" to, pummel him until compliance, and move on to the next person.

It started out so well too...

"Grayson!"

Grayson looked up from his locker and sighed. Richie smiled to himself, apparently someone told him the status quo around here sooner than expected.

"What is it, Beldore?"

Richie threw his fist at Grayson...who _ducked_ just moments before he was hit. His hand collided with metal and Richie howled in pain.

"Shit!"

"Language!" Grayson had the nerve to wag his finger at him, the prick!

Good thing Richie brought back up with him. Zach and Evan were always Plan B.

Richie sneered in spite of his now bleeding hand. "We noticed you weren't doing your part in the community-"

"You mean about getting a job? Dude, I haven't gotten to college yet." Grayson rolled his eyes.

"In _this_ community-" Richie started calmly.

"No. This is a _school_." Grayson emphasized the word. "And why don't you quit acting like some tough guy, huh? Not gonna get you brownie points in the future."

"You're supposed to do our homework! Next week's algebra for instance, nerd." Zach snarled, finally getting the message across.

"Um...no I'm not." Grayson frowned. "Even if I did, do you really think the teacher's going to believe that you did the work?"

Evan lunged forward and grabbed Grayson by the collar. Richie felt the universe being restored to its natural order. He grabbed Grayson's chin. "Listen, circus freak. You do the work or we'll crush you. Simple and clear."

Grayson actually glared at them, like it was supposed to be intimidating. Too bad it was actually making Richie piss himself a little. "You'll beat me up anyways for fun."

"Pretend it's Wayne doing it to you, then. It'll make you feel like you never left him at all."

A fist flew out and hit Richie in the face. A moment later, he heard the sound of something snapping, Evan screaming bloody murder. When Richie looked up, Grayson's expression was darker. Zach took a few steps back.

"Now...which idiot wants to lose a limb next?"

Richie charged at Grayson...

* * *

"Your son's in the principal's office."

Six words. Six words was all it took for Mister Abele Bedore's day to be ruined.

Now most parents would be understandably vexed at being summoned to the headmaster's office in the middle of the day regarding their kid's behavior. However, Abele's kid was attending Gotham Academy, one of the few schools that not only gave a real education, but also required a healthy flow of cash to keep the administrators happy. The learning establishment that had taught his grandfather's grandfather was now going down in memory as the place where his son did the most idiotic thing in his life.

Because it was the incident that he would learn of later on that lead to those six words being said in the first place.

He quietly excused himself from the office, absently aware of the now crushed coffee cup in his hand, the hot liquid burning his skin and staining the sleeve. If there were any chairs knocked over as he stormed out, Abele would have no recollection. Why did this have to happen? Right in the middle of the presentation of his life. Right in the middle of trying to impress his business partner.

Who had dashed out of the room two seconds before Abele did, phone in hand, tone cracking with fury. The glare he received would have melted a glacier.

Whatever Abele's son had tried to do to Bruce Wayne's kid, it must have ended in a bloodbath. On the offending side.

In other words, his son.

* * *

"Let me get this straight, son. I had to get out of work early, drive to your school, and beg Mr. Wayne not to press charges against you and your hoodlum friends because you had the _bright_ idea of attacking his kid all because you wanted him to do your homework?! And then you decided to insult him next?!"

"He's a circus fr-"

"I am not finished!" Abele snapped, taking his eyes off the road to glare at his son, who was donning a black eye and multiple bruises on his face. The hand was another thing altogether. "I never thought that you would be that stupid! It doesn't matter whether or not he came from a circus, he is also Bruce Wayne's kid! Do you know how much of my work is tied up in Wayne Enterprises?! Do you know how many people in our circle rely on Wayne to keep their businesses floating?!"

Abele tightened his grip on the wheel. "You want to know something, Richie? I don't like the kid either, I just can't show it. None of us are allowed to show it. Wayne cares about the boy and looked like he wanted to commit murder in the principal's office. His kid looked like he almost _did_ commit murder. Why do you think people have stopped talking about the kid? About what Wayne might be doing to him? Because the last time someone did, he pressed charges for slandering!"

"-you and mom used to say things too-"

"When the kid started hearing it, we had to shut up!" Abele snapped. "Funny thing about saying nasty gossip within the hearing range of an eight year old. They don't like something, they go tell their parents, who will act accordingly. Everyone had to shut up after the first six months because Wayne kept on suing people for harassing his kid! Tabloids were shut down because of him! Do you know how much a person can get charged with for slandering? In what world did you think it would be an even _better_ idea to beat up the same kid who has the richest man in the city as his benefactor?"

"What's your point, Dad?"

"My point." Abele spoke slowly, his face feeling more like a boiling tea kettle each passing moment. "My point is that you don't. Harass. Or assault. A person with connections!"

"Grayson's a Mathlete, who could he have connections with?"

"What part of most of the businesses in Gotham City are tied up in Wayne Enterprises did you not understand?!" Abele had never until this moment realized how idiotic his son was. "Why would you attack Wayne's kid when he has the power to ruin our lives?!"

Richie's expression didn't change.

When they were getting home, Abele was going to talk to his wife, Jessica, and try to figure out how many times the maid dropped their son on his head as an infant to result in such stupidity.

* * *

"Let me get this straight." Bruce clenched at the wheel of his Porsche. "You broke two arms, gave four black eyes-"

"Five."

Bruce shot Dick a look that made him shut up. He continued.

" _Five_ black eyes and it didn't occur to you that maybe you could have given away your identity?"

"It _did_." Dick kept the ice pack on his right check, speaking as if they were both discussing the weather. "But then I thought, 'Wait, I'm going to be beaten up by a bunch of punks within an inch of my life so I'd do their homework for them and I'm _not_ going to make a half-assed effort to defend myself?' I could have gotten hurt. I could have gotten killed! Totally not aster."

"So the impending trip to Leslie's clinic isn't a sign that you're hurt?" Bruce responded in a dry tone. "You can't keep doing things like that, Dick, people will figure out you're Robin."

"Bruce, I am living with the richest man in the city. I'm pretty sure you are able to afford putting me in self-defense classes with the money you make. That's what everyone's going to think, at least. Why can't we just go for that angle instead?" Dick sighed with exasperation.

"Dick, it won't be long until someone realizes something is up-"

"No, Bruce. They won't." Dick cut him off. From the expression on his face, Bruce figured that Dick was keeping this in for a long time. "You keep viewing everyone on an equal playing field in terms of brain power. But may I remind you that we live in a world where people have yet to notice that Superman wears no mask, yet is able to fool everyone with a pair of glasses. Not even Luther's got it figured out and we both know he would have bragged about it at this point in time if he did. We live in a _city_ where crime makes stuff from Sodom look like Candyland. No one is going to question why a thirteen year old is able to pull a few punches in a place like this. _Especially_ when they know that you're my foster father and when I was using only the basics you taught me when I started training. Kiddie stuff."

"So breaking two arms is considered 'kiddie stuff'?"

"That was part of your lessons on how to break out of a grapple. Also when I first started off." Dick sighed at the look thrown at him. "Yes, Bruce. I know that fighting in public is bad, but I'm not going to use tricks that will make people connect me with Robin, I'm smarter than that. But not doing anything to prevent injury that could affect my time as Robin is also bad. Not to mention idiotic."

"I don't pull that kind of stuff when threatened."

"You don't have to, you're an adult and only get kidnapping attempts. It's different for me. I have to worry about attempted kidnapping _and_ bullying threats. If I don't make an effort to defend myself, it'll compromise patrol time. What do you expect me to do?"

Bruce paused for a moment, trying to formulate the right answer. "I'd say don't do it, but you already proved me wrong on that."

He sighed. Dick had been doing so well up until this point.

"At least let me show you some moves to use next time this happens so people won't assume too quickly."

"Deal." Dick grinned. "What about Dumbass and his cronies?"

"How do you think I dealt with the other bullies?" Bruce smirked.

"Scared them as Batman?"

"No, if I went out as Batman and threatened them to not go near you, they'll _definitely_ connect Batman to you. Most of the socialites have business ties with Wayne Enterprises. I'm the main reason most of the companies here are staying afloat. I could cut ties with any business and not be affected by them."

"Apparently, no one gave ole Richie the Idiot the memo." Dick felt sadistic glee knowing that asshole and his friends were going to be sore for a few weeks _and_ face potential expulsion for their actions. After Dick explained his side of the story and mentioned this happening to other students, the principal started making phone calls to parents to confirm Dick's testimony. That was the last time those punks messed with him, that's for sure. Not to mention the first. The week's suspension for fighting was so worth it.

"Oh and by the way, Dick. You're grounded for fighting."

"What?!"

"You admitted to using moves that would deliberately set you apart from Robin and also confessed that it was easy. It would have _also_ been easy if you had only used moves to disable and not injure. I remember showing you non-violent techniques when you started training, as I recall."

"But Bruce-"

"I'm not saying you shouldn't have fought back, but you could have done it better. Is this the first time that this happened?"

"No...and I don't think it'll be the last."

At this, Bruce placed a hand on Dick's shoulder. "You're part of the family, Dick. No one's going to mess with my kid and get away with it. Don't ever forget that."

Dick smiled.

"I won't, Dad."

* * *

 **End Notes:** In regards to Dick attacking, he didn't go all out. He might have gotten someone into the emergency room by accident. The idea of most of the businesses in Gotham to rely on Wayne Enterprises doesn't feel far off, so I could see a lot of the socialites depending on this to help with their income.

The gossiping would most likely have been stopped sooner or later. Talking about some kid and suggesting that he was adopted for...less than savory reasons...is bound to get a person into trouble. Especially if the kid in question is Bruce Wayne's kid. The grounds for libel and slander follow:

1\. Making a statement

2\. Said statement was published

3\. The statement was harmful.

4\. The statement was false

5\. The statement was not privileged (meaning that they wouldn't get away with saying it outside of witness testimony)

Since there has already been gossip regarding Dick being Bruce's...toy...*shudders*, tabloids have published this as fact, Dick was hurt and scared by this, it was clearly BS and there was no excuse for saying this, I'd say Bruce must have made a lot out of pressing charges for defamation of character against his own kid.

Also to the idea of Dick turning the other cheek, he can't and won't do it. He's a masked vigilante who fights on a nightly basis, so the idea of letting some jerks physically assault him is going to be suicide. There's keeping some secrets in the closet and then there's self preservation. Most people will go for self preservation at least 99.9% of the time. This was also shown offscreen in a Batman _Black and White_ comic, where it starts with Dick have some bruises but is also mentioned to have broken at least one collarbone as well.

Bruce can't go after the bullies as Batman for the reasons stated above in the story, which pops up as the resolution to most bullying fics. I always got irritated at that since it is OOC for Bruce to do something that reckless and comes off as hypocritical. It would be too risky to let some punks learn his secret ID if they were smart enough to put two and two together (which they would most likely do in the end).

Thanks for reading this! :)


	2. Broken Nose

**Author's Note:** Hey guys. Thank you so much for your supportive reviews. I had fun with that last chapter. So, I decided to post a new one challenging another fanfic cliche I find annoying and illogical. Who knows, maybe I'll do some more one-shots in the future. Some might be long, others might be less than 1k. Hmmm. Hope you enjoy this! :)

* * *

He hated how his powers worked.

Wally dashed over to the kitchen sink and turned the faucet on. Then he pulled out a dish cloth and damped it under the stream before turning the faucet off again. After wringing out most of the water, he gently applied it to his nose. It still stung, but at least he wasn't dripping blood on the floor.

 _Recognize Artemis B06._

And here comes Miss Ice Queen.

"Baywatch."

"Speedy Wannabe."

"Wow." Artemis said sarcastically. "That almost sounded like an insult."

Wally chuckled. "So, how's your uncle handling you as his sidekick? Aside from comparing you to Spee – I mean, Red Arrow, that is."

Artemis shrugged. "You know, shooting some bad guys. Jumping across buildings. Shooting some more bad guys and hoping that they don't die from blood loss."

Now they both laugh out loud. They weren't friends, but Wally realized that he and Artemis always had a fun time ribbing each other. It took the initial sting of Roy not being on the Team away. Just as long as no one assumed they were a couple…

Then again, she is kind of hot…

"Is that an arrow in your pants or are you just happy to see me?" Artemis smirked.

CRAP! He forgot about the energy bar in his pocket. It must have shifted while he was running again!

"No! No, no, Artemis, it's really not what it looks like." Wally held up his hands in a sign of good will.

"Funny." Artemis replied dryly. "Looks to me like you're having a-"

"Problem keeping my energy bars in one place." Wally interjected, fishing the snack out of his pocket to prove it.

Artemis seemed satisfied – good – until…

"Wally, what happened to your nose?"

Wally blinked, the arm holding the wet cloth limping to his side. The once snow-white cloth was now showing a large red stain.

"Nothing to worry about, Wannabe." He unwrapped his energy bar and began chewing the snack slowly. His voice was muffled as he spoke. "Just ran into a wall again. Still not vibrating through."

"Uh huh." Artemis frowned. Her eyes started looking softer than usual. The metaphorical steel in her eyes was replaced with…aw to hell with it, Wally sucked at English and doing an inner monologue about what Artemis' eyes looked like wasn't going to change that. Ever.

Great. He was getting one of _those_ looks again. The ones that almost lead to Child Services being called and people automatically assuming the worst.

"I'm serious, I just ran into a wall to try vibrating through it like the Flash does." Wally insisted. "It's not one of those 'I fell down the stairs' excuses."

"Wally, you don't need to lie about it. We're here for you. You can talk to _me_ about it."

"You mean _you_ tried running into a wall on purpose?" The joke only made Artemis frown deeper. She opened her mouth to speak again when the intercom echoed in the Cave.

 _Recognize Miss Martian B05._

Oooh. Megalicious was here. Maybe the presence of another female would distract Artemis and hopefully stop her poor attempts at detective work. That was Robin's job.

"M'gann, how was school?" Wally dashed over to the green Martian, trying not to think about how hot his cheeks were becoming.

M'gann smiled at him for a few seconds until she looked directly at his face. And probably noticed the blood if her frown was any indication otherwise.

"What happened?" She asked.

"Apparently, Baywatch ran into a wall." Artemis came up behind Wally. Oh sure, be sarcastic to a person whom you believe to be lying about an injury. Then again, she wasn't there that day Rob told the others about his attempts.

He had to put his foot down before things got out of hand. Wally looked at Artemis. "Yes! I did run into a wall. Miss M, didn't Rob tell you about my attempts at vibrating through solid objects when you showed us around Happy Harbor?"

"Of course." M'gann smiled.

Artemis frowned. "You know he could be ly-"

"Artemis, would you stop assuming my parents hit me?!"

Wally blinked. He could hear his voice echoing across the walls for several moments and felt his face grow warm. Artemis turned away, her head tucked down.

"Why are you even worrying about it, Arty?"

Artemis didn't turn to face Wally. "Because…because…someone has to."

"W-what?"

"Kids in abusive households sometimes feel like they deserved being treated like garbage. If one person shows that they care, then it can help the kid realize that they aren't living a good life. The first step to solving a problem is acknowledging that there is one." Artemis' voice started cracking at the end.

How Wally's hand made it to Artemis' shoulder, he didn't remember. She didn't push it away. Alright, so what happened wasn't physical…or was she still dealing with it?

"Artemis." He paused. How could he explain it to her? Without pushing her away? "I'll be honest with you. Having you worry about me of all people; that's unexpected. But you know what…I'm kind of touched."

Artemis looked at him now. An eyelash must have been stuck in her eye. God knows how much that bothered Wally when it happened with him. "How can you be so calm about this?"

"Maybe because he's not abused?"

Wally and Artemis turned their heads simultaneously to look at M'gann.

M'gann blushed. "I don't know much about Earth's culture, but Uncle J'onn told me about how some families aren't nice to their children for odd and wrong reasons. If Wally was being abused, wouldn't his mentor know about it?"

"But what if he saw the nose and thought-"

"That it was me running into a wall again?" Wally said, cutting off Artemis' question. "He'd believe it. Not because he trusts me. But because he knows what my family is like and he's also a forensic scientist. He'd know if my family were hitting me or not. If he even suspected that it were the case, do you think the Flash would let me be _near_ my family?"

"What makes you so sure he'd protect you?" Artemis said.

"Well." Wally said slowly. "It helps that he's married to my dad's sister. Whom my dad loves and respects a great deal. If she's mad at my dad, it will be for the right reasons. Do you think the Justice League would be that oblivious if someone on the Team were being abused? Batman would have known in a heartbeat, he's the World's Greatest Detective. Black Canary would have known something was off during sparring. Martian Manhunter would have read my mind or sensed something off. Heck, even Robin would be putting the pieces together if I _were_ being abused and would have _done_ something about it.

"And that's not even getting into how _I_ would be handling the situation-"

Artemis started speaking when Wally took a moment to breathe. "Kids in abusive homes could be afraid of fighting back, even if they were capable of winning-"

"True. But again, Flash or the League would have picked up on that a long time ago and hauled my dad off to prison. Let's say that the abuse started recently." Wally continued. "Say my dad's looking really sour for some odd reason – maybe he was drinking or lost his job – and decides 'You know what? I'm going to take my anger out on my son for no good reason.' So he decides to hit me…or so he thinks, because I would have seen it a mile away and dodged. My super-speed means that I don't have to worry about taking hits that often."

"What about sparring with Black Canary?" Artemis crossed her arms.

"That's different. She's a trained fighter and sparred with the Flash before. My dad is _not_ in good shape – no offense to him, 'cause I love him to death – and isn't going to be dominating me in a fight. At. All. Seriously, you could video tape us fighting and post it on America's Funniest Home Videos, he's that pathetic. Verbal abuse? I would have packed up and called the Flash to pick my mom up the moment I realized that it was a problem.

"Sexual abuse? …I'd have to have _forgotten_ how to fight a full-grown adult in order for that to happen. I would have to forget that I had super speed and would have gotten away ASAP. And that's only in the scenario that my mom left me with my dad. If my mom were in danger…let's just say Batman would have to pull a lot of strings to keep me out of Juvie and prison."

Artemis sighed, sounding more relaxed this time. Wally pulled her in an embrace, feeling her flinch from the sudden contact. A moment later, he felt two arms wrap around his back.

"Sorry for the scare." Wally said.

"I overreacted." Artemis mumbled.

"No, you acted like a friend. You didn't know about the power problems I've been dealing with and didn't take my word for it automatically." Wally blinked. Dear God, he was starting to sound like Black Canary during weekly counseling sessions! "To be honest, I would be a little worried if you believed me that quickly."

Artemis pushed away from him. "Then why were you getting upset at me when I didn't believe you?"

Wally sighed. "I just realized why you didn't believe me until that rant just now. Delayed epiphany?"

"Maybe your brain's not as fast as your feet." Artemis said with a smirk.

"And this is why you're still single."

Artemis punched him in the shoulder playfully, though Wally still needed to massage the area for a few moments. M'gann flew off, saying that she would get an icepack for him. Seeing the look of concern on Artemis' face, Wally stuck out his tongue and poked Artemis in the nose.

"Boop!" He said.

Artemis chuckled. "Dork."

* * *

 **Author's Note:** The creators of Young Justice made it clear that Wally's parents were loving, especially during Wally's 16th birthday. Artemis _did_ have a right to be worried in this chapter, she wasn't present during that conversation in Episode 2. I was a little afraid that if Wally didn't agree with her concerns that I'd be giving out the wrong idea. Thanks for reading!


	3. De-Aging

**Author's Note:** Thank you all for your reviews. Feel free to give suggestions for a plotline to poke fun at. Thanks for your observations, **Smile-I'mTheEndOfAllThatYouSee** , I will fix the cliche that I accidentally made in the last chapter and apply it into another one. This one is going to be short, just warning you.

* * *

The Team had gathered around in the Cave, looking anxiously at the small collection of blankets sitting on top of the couch. Conner blinked, trying to register the image right in front of him. No matter how many times he replayed the past two hours back, he couldn't understand how this had happened.

The G-Gnomes never mentioned anything about humans going from adults to infants in their teachings. At all.

"What are we going to tell Batman?" Rocket asked. Conner had to agree with her. There was no way He was going to be pleased with this. He looked over to the far corner of the room, where Zatanna was ramming her head into the wall repeatedly. M'gann was currently trying to get the girl to cease those actions, but then Zatanna muttered something under her breath and fire started snaking towards-

"M'gann!"

He ignored the shushes that the others gave him and leaped in between the growing flame and his girlfriend. Conner tried stomping the fire out with his feet, but it was like those cockroaches that managed to sneak past the Cave's security. He glared at Zatanna, who blushed and muttered something else under her breath. Whatever the word was backwards, it did what Conner couldn't do and snuffed out the flames.

"I'm sorry." Zatanna whispered. She didn't dare look at his face when she spoke. "There's just...so much I'm trying to wrap my head around. I need some space."

"I was worried." M'gann protested.

Zatanna looked up. "Yes, at first. But then it became more like 'pestering' than 'worried.' Just...leave me alone!"

Conner felt M'gann move past him. He wanted to give her comfort, but M'gann looked like she didn't need the pity. Zatanna, on the other hand...

"Come on." M'gann's face bore a smile. "We all make mistakes. It's not everyday you somehow turn a teammate into an infant."

Conner felt the urge to slap himself on the head.

"M'gann?" She turned to face him. "You're not helping."

M'gann's green face blushed a bright red. "Oh."

Zatanna pulled at her hair. "I don't even know how it happened! Dad never said anything about aging spells!"

"Well, look at the bright side." M'gann said. "We can babysit Robin! I've been watching these TV shows on Earth that show teenagers caring for infants. I always wanted to feed a baby and change their diaper."

Conner felt that Robin wouldn't like that last bit. Come to think of it, wasn't he technically a baby? Even the G-Gnomes made it clear that humans don't grow that quickly in 16 weeks. He tried to ignore the dreamy look on M'gann's face, probably from fantasizing about childcare. He shook his head in pity. If only she knew what the G-Gnomes mentioned about teenage pregnancies...

"WE DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH THIS FOR LONG!" Conner's ears perked up at Artemis' shout. "JUST CHANGE HIM BACK TO NORMAL!"

"WOULD YOU ALL SHUT UP? YOU'RE GOING TO WAKE ROBIN!" Wally's voice echoed louder in the Cave.

And then Conner had to cover his ears when the next noise occurred. Even then, he could still make out Wally and Artemis arguing over who woke up Robin while the person in question continued to scream his lungs out.

M'gann flew over and started cooing over Robin, trying to rock him back and forth. Zatanna stayed where she was, petrified. Aqualad was still nowhere to be found while Rocket moved as far as she could from the noise.

Krytonian hearing sucked!

Above the dim, Conner could make out the voice announcer recognizing Batman - aw, fuck! - and Doctor Fate. And then he heard Aqualad's voice piping in.

"Zatanna still does not know how this occurred. She said no words backwards, but-"

"That's enough, Aqualad." Batman sounded calm. Who knew how long it would be before he showed how pissed off he was at anyone in his radius?

Batman walked over to Robin, who looked like he was about to collapse with exhaustion from all the crying he was doing. M'gann looked like she was about to have a breakdown as she passed the infant over to the taller man. Conner felt that this last bit wasn't a good idea and was proven right when Robin opened his eyes and started screaming again.

Come to think of it, when did Batman ever act physically affectionate? He knew Batman cared about Robin, but this was different. Babies needed physical comfort.

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND!" M'gann screamed, clearing not seeing the looks of shock from everyone else in the room. "I THOUGHT BATMAN WOULD BE ABLE TO CALM HIM DOWN!"

Batman glared at her. "Babies cry no matter who's caring for them. Robin doesn't recognize me or the rest of the Team. It's impossible for him right now. His mind isn't that developed."

And he immediately gave Robin to Doctor Fate, who started glowing yellow and then-

Doctor Fate gently put him down. Robin had to cover his body with the blankets used to keep him warm. One hand held up the blankets while the other covered his face. Wally was insistent that no one see Robin's face bare and put a pillow with two holes in it over the former baby's face.

"WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!" He screamed.

Artemis blinked. Wally blinked. Rocket was hunched over, her face growing more red as she laughed at the sudden change. M'gann's eyes widened. Zatanna sighed with relief. Aqualad smiled.

And Conner desperately needed a drink.

Batman took off his cape and wrapped it around Robin. "Aqualad put your clothes in his room. Go collect them and get changed."

"Don't need to tell me twice!" Robin glared at Rocket, who began laughing louder at the spectacle.

"Guess the Boy Wonder didn't like being the Baby Wonder."

"Baby?!" Robin ran out of the room, his face turning redder than M'gann's face now.

Having recovered from the initial shock, Wally and Artemis joined Rocket in the laughter.

"Oh, I really need a souvenir for this moment!"

"And I need a camera for blackmail!"

"Thank you, Fate." Batman said.

"Of course." Doctor Fate said. He turned to face Zatanna. "Why didn't you attempt to change him back to normal, young lady?"

Zatanna blinked when she heard Zatarra's voice coming through. "I-I didn't know what to do. I d-didn't think I was capable of turning him back without expending too much energy or hurting him by accident."

Doctor Fate nodded. "Of course. The initial transformation would have taken its toll. Zatarra and I agree that we should continue your training in case this happens again."

Zatanna's eyes grew glassy. "Really?"

"My apologies for the circumstances that lead to your father's...induction." Doctor Fate sounded remorseful. "The world needs Fate and Fate needs a vessel. But you can still communicate with your father if you wish."

Batman looked like he had a half-smirk on his face if Conner was seeing things properly. Robin appeared again, dressed in his uniform this time. Batman cleared his throat to get the Team's attention. It took a glare to get the trio of Wally, Rocket, and Artemis to stop laughing.

"If this happens again, contact Doctor Fate."

Wally raised his hand. "But what if a gas from Scarecrow makes this happen?"

Conner looked at him, his eyebrow raised. Was he being hypothetical or just plain stupid?

"Scarecrow uses fear gas, not de-aging gas." Batman's semi-blank expression almost echoed Conner's thoughts just now about Wally. "He would never try doing something that out of character. But on the off-chance, and I mean impossible chance, that that does happen...call Doctor Fate."

"Klarion?"

"Doctor Fate."

"Poison Ivy?"

"Doctor Fate, and also unlikely."

"Another sorcerer?"

"Doctor Fate."

"Doctor Fate?"

"Doctor Fate or Zatanna, once she learns how to reverse the spell herself."

Wally opened his mouth again but Batman spoke again.

"Whatever makes anyone turn into a kid or infant again, call Doctor Fate. He'll handle it."

Wally looked exasperated. "But some of these scenarios involve science! How could an illusionist-"

"Remember the Wonder Woman outfit, Wally!" Zatanna said in a warning tone. Wally instantly shut up.

"The Wonder Woman outfit?" Rocket asked. Artemis took her aside and began whispering in her ear. Conner couldn't understand the point, everyone knew about it now...well, except for Rocket. Soon enough, Rocket began cracking up again.

"I miss the best stuff!"

"Which is a good thing." Artemis said. She shuddered. "At least you didn't get in trouble."

"We tried to contact you for assistance, but there was no time." Aqualad added.

Right before Batman walked out with Robin, the cape now returned to Batman, M'gann flew up in front of them.

"That was it?!" M'gann looked frustrated. "No babysitting? No cuddles? No more Baby Robin?"

She flinched the next moment, Batman must have been glaring at her.

"Do you really expect me to leave my partner in the care of several metahuman teenagers with anger issues/daddy issues/hunger issues/water issues/magic issues/etc. and not think of getting an expert in as soon as possible?"

M'gann had no answer.

"I didn't think so." And with that, Batman and Robin vanished into the Zeta Tube.

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** *Maniacal laughter as lightning strikes flash in the background* Now I've poked at the de-aging cliche with more laughs than the last chapter. Most de-aging stories I've come across never really end. The authors either stop writing them or move on to other projects that I have no clue about. Batman would _definitely_ not let Robin be cared for by the Team in his condition. Easier to just get Doctor Fate or Zatarra if he never put the Helmet of Fate on.

To anyone who is wondering: Yep, this chapter was connected to the Humorverse. I'm definitely going to be dealing with the aftermath of We Love Our Two Dads in this as well. That's right! I'm going to deconstruct and bash one of my own stories. :) Particularly Conner's characterization as well. Hope he sounded more mature and in-character in this chapter. Well, he didn't get mad so easily, but this takes place after Season 1 ends, so he's probably handled his emotions a lot better now.

Thanks for reading. And please feel free to suggest any other YJ fandom cliches that don't involve Robin or Kid Flash. TV Tropes only tells of them and a degeneration plot for Conner.


	4. Adoption

**Author's Notes:** Thanks so much for the suggestions. Not really sure how to apply them humorously at the moment, though. And without it being a discussion like the second chapter. This next cliche is the deconstruction of "Batman adopts the Team". Hope you guys enjoy. I know I did when I wrote this just now.

* * *

"No." Batman said.

"But can't you-"

"No." Batman repeated.

"If you could just-"

"No."

"But-"

"What part of no are you not getting here?"

Rocket crossed her arms. "Explain it to me, then."

Batman held back a sigh. "Do you know how long an adoption process takes? A _long_ time."

"So what?" Artemis frowned. "It should be worth it overall. If the end is right…you know where I'm going with this."

"Except the end _isn't_ right and it'll compromise your identities as well as Robin's and my own."

Kid Flash grinned. "But you're Batman. It shouldn't matter, right?"

Batman actually stared at him. "I don't even know why _you're_ asking. I know for a fact both of your parents are alive and caring people, your godparents and honorary grandparents are also still kicking. So why are you asking me?"

"Cause."

Batman furrowed his eyes into a glare that made Kid Flash take a few steps back. "As your commanding officer, I expect a more refined and definite answer aside from a 'cause'. Is the information I just described to you false? Are your relatives' dead or not as caring as I suspected?"

"Well…no."

"Then kindly end this matter." Kid Flash dashed out of the room.

"Come on." Rocket insisted. "Just a trial run. See how it goes in the end. We'll all be one big happy family…I think."

"Would you say yes if I did…this?" And Artemis began quivering her lip while her eyes shined with potential tears.

"No." Batman said bluntly.

Artemis' eyes grew wider and waterier, the pouty lip more pronounced.

Batman didn't know if he should chuckle with pity or simply ignore the look until she gave up. So he decided on a third option.

"That expression is pathetic and unexpected and whoever told you I would fall for the lower lip trick is clearly messing with you."

Now Artemis' pout turned into a glare. "ROBIN, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

Robin chuckled somewhere in the Cave. Batman almost smiled.

"I will talk to your guardians about this. A trial run would be efficient. Do not expect this to be easy."

And then he walked off.

* * *

Two months and five signed documents examined by a team of lawyers sworn to secrecy later – Paula and the Wests put their foot down on the idea – and Batman was now leading most of the Team into the Batcave. Superboy was looking at Miss Martian nervously, possibly realizing that he couldn't date someone he would be calling his adoptive sister now. Rocket and Aqualad made it clear that they weren't dating, much to the disbelief of the Team, so they were okay with becoming siblings. But that didn't mean they were happy with the situation.

"This is where you'll be staying." Batman responded plainly.

He pointed to the left. "Bathrooms are on your left. Down the hall where the bat guano smells worse."

He pointed to the right. "Bedrooms are on your right. Expect more bat guano over there. Especially on the sheets."

Miss Martian blinked. "I thought we were going to be a family."

"We are." Batman agreed. "But you are the wards of Batman, not his secret identity. That means that you cannot know my secret identity. Nor can you be allowed to be seen with me in public without exposing my identity. Training starts five o'clock sharp tomorrow morning. Robin will come down with dinner for everyone in half an hour. Be washed up by then. And be careful, there's guano in the shower stalls too."

And so he walked off.

There was silence. And darkness. And guano. Lots and lots of guano.

Superboy was the first to break the silence. "This idea sucks! I can't even kiss M'gann anymore now."

"Wait a minute!" Zatanna's eyes widened with horror. "That means Robin and I can't be a couple either! We'd be siblings."

"You just realized this?" Rocket raised an eyebrow suspiciously.

"As least Wally and Artemis didn't agree." Superboy sighed. "Sure they'd commit murder if they couldn't make out anymore."

"Well, it helps that their parents had more common sense than we did." Rocket sighed.

Miss Martian was on the verge of tears. "No more Supey snuggles!"

"And no more clean Cave to relax in." Rocket added nonchalantly. "Let's blow this pop stand."

"Wait, my friends." Aqualad stood in front of everyone present. "I understand your anger and confusion and possibly disgust over the situation. But we have faced worse dangers than an unsanitary location-"

"Which is now our new home." Zatanna piped in nonchalantly.

"Nonetheless." Aqualad smiled. "I am honored to call Batman my father now. And I am certain you all will too in due time."

Bat guano landed on his head.

Aqualad looked at everyone in the Batcave. "All in favor of returning to a more sanitary Cave, say aye."

"Aye!" It was unanimous.

"And all in favor of rejecting the adoption altogether say we were on crack and owe Robin two hundred dollars each now." Miss Martian added cheerfully before attempting to plant a kiss on Superboy's lips, who turned away, saying something about incest.

"We were on crack and…what you said!"

XXXXXX

"Hey guys, who wants to try some crab-stuffed mushrooms!" Robin and an elderly man wearing Groucho glasses came out of the elevator wheeling out a large tray with a protective lid over it. "Kal, I know fish are your friends, so Agent A made an alternative meal out of seaweed-"

But as he walked towards the area Batman said they would be, all he saw was bat guano and a note on the Bat-Computer. When he walked over to the Bat-Computer, he peered at the note and grinned.

 **Robin,**

 **You were right. We couldn't even last five minutes as a family. We will have the payment in by tomorrow's training session.**

 **Signed,**

 **The Team**

"Bruce!" He called upstairs. "I won the bet. You can burn those documents now."

"No one will be able to appreciate my cooking now." Alfred sighed sadly.

"Don't worry, Alf, I'll still eat it. Crab-stuffed mushrooms are my favorite." Robin pushed the tray back into the elevator and held a plate out to Alfred. "Want one?"

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** I hope you don't mind the bat guano. Bats and all that jazz, it tends to happen. Why haven't DC writers ever brought up this health concern? Artemis and Wally were the only ones who wouldn't be adopted due to their obviously loving parents (or parent), and I would like to point out that Adoption Does Not Mean Secret Identity Reveal. Hope Bruce was okay with the bet.


	5. Adoption Part 2

"The Team wishes to become my wards, do I have your consent?"

"No."

"Yes."

"Maybe."

"ARE YOU NUTS?!"

Batman looked at the Flash, the Wests and Paula Crock, who was in the Cave for this meeting among the mentors. Their cries of protest were unanimous.

"I am not giving up my daughter and letting her live with a man behind a mask!" Paula banged her fist against one of the shoulder rests of her chair.

"And what makes you think you can take care of Wally?!" Rudolph and Flash cried in protest together. Both looked at each other and turned red.

Mary West looked thoughtful. "Well, you _do_ have a larger budget…"

Rudolph was incredulous. "Mary?!"

She had the decency to blush. "It was a joke. But seriously, he is rich-"

"You already get monthly checks to assist in your welfare." Batman said bluntly.

Aquaman crossed his arms, looking thoughtful. "Kaldur'am does have a mother and father back in Atlantis. However, he is declared an independent adult. What has gotten over that boy to make him want to contemplate adoption?"

"Your guess is as good as mine." Batman said.

The King of Atlantis sighed. "I trust this is meant to act as a cover of some sort. An alibi, perhaps?"

"…" Batman refused to speak.

"You have no real reason, do you?" Rudolph frowned. "My son is not going to live with the likes of you! Who knows what habits he'll pick up. Skulking and brooding and glaring and if I'm hearing this correctly, screwing a woman a week and dumping them on the curb."

Flash looked at Rudolph funny. "That sounds more like something an average teen would do."

A vein popped up over Rudolph's brow.

"Aside from the screwing." Flash added.

"Why would M'gann wish to live with you?" J'onn asked. "Her powers are still developing and she needs constant supervision now more than ever."

"As does Zatanna, although Zatarra is not currently capable of teaching her any further." Red Tornado's mechanical voice echoed through his iron body. "Fate may be willing to cooperate with us, but he will prioritize the needs of the world towards the needs of Zatarra's daughter."

"I have a friend who can help." Batman finally spoke up. "Right now, Zatanna needs stability-"

"And you feel that you will be able to accomplish this?" Wonder Woman questioned. "May I remind you that-"

"Robin is fine. I have assistance in the parenting apartment and cares greatly about Zatanna's welfare." Batman interrupted.

"But are they not dating?" Red Tornado asked.

The silence was broken only for a moment by an awkward cough.

"We'll cross that bridge when we get there." Batman mumbled to himself. "We'll consider this a trial run, then. To see if I can manage the training of all members of the Team by acting as mentor and parent. Icon, do you object to this?"

Icon looked at Batman like he was crazy – well, craz _ier_. "Batman…Rocket isn't my daughter."

"I know, but you are supervising her training-"

"And she has no powers save for the belt that can enable flight, super-strength, and kinetic bubbles."

"Understood, but-"

"And I am more her sidekick than she is mine due to the fact that Rocket is the reason I am in the 'hero business' now. And she won't stop ranting how she was 'robbed' of her position in the Justice League."

"Her age was an issue." Superman said. "But what about Superbo-"

The glare he received made him stop mid-sentence.

"You are not his legal guardian." Batman growled.

"I'm fixing things between us now-"

"After several months of ignoring him." Black Canary growled. "So remember the next time you two bond…he's probably dealing with fresh wounds and wondering why you care now."

"So, aside from Kid Flash and Artemis' family, do I have your consent for this trial run?"

"What do we get in return? Aside from panic attacks over how you'll traumatize our protégés." J'onn raised an eyebrow.

"I will give periodic updates and withdraw my position as leader of the Justice League." Batman replied.

"And should you fail." Red Tornado added. "You will not lord yourself over all simply because of your title.

"…fine." Batman said with the air of a child being negotiated into a bad agreement.

* * *

"And that is why you are not going to become Batman's ward, young lady." Paula finished the tale with a glare. "Am I not a good parent to you?"

Artemis's eyes widened with the revelation that she had unintentionally hurt her mother's feelings for the sake of the bet. "No, Mom. You're great! It was just supposed to be a dare that spiraled out of control and-"

"PLEASE DON'T HATE ME, I'M SORRY!" Wally's cries drowned out her last statement. Artemis sighed at the dramatic air he was putting on. The Wests' looked like they were thinking the same thing.

Mr. West began. "Wally, we're not mad-"

"We're pissed off and hurt that you would be willing to leave us for the likes of Batman, someone who scares you!" Mrs. West concluded. "You're grounded for two months. No video games, no desserts-"

"No souvenir hunting either." Mr. West added.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ALL THE PRECIOUS THINGS I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO COLLECT NOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW! WHHHHHYYYYYY?"

"Because we care enough to discipline in a way that is fair." Mr. West said.

Paula chuckled to herself.

"Mom?" Artemis asked.

"I'm sorry, but I was wondering if either of you thought of the consequences were we to have agreed to the exchanging of custody." Paula's chuckles were getting louder.

"What's your mom talking about, Arty?" Wally started sounding alarmed.

Paula smirked. "Considering how far you two have come in your…friendship…I think any further exploration would be considered incest had Batman become your legal guardians."

The cries were loud enough to break the overhead lights.

Again.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** This is a follow-up to the previous chapter. The mentor's reactions were added in further detail, I know I wrote that Kid Flash and Artemis' families objected greatly, but **Smile-I'mTheEndOfAllThatYouSee** pointed out some things I had missed. Dealing with the handling of powers was one thing.

Also added a brief mention to the "Superman and Superboy Bond after Season 1" cliche in it. I heard that in the fanfic, **With This Ring** , the attempts at reconciliation were met with disaster and that Superman wasn't forgiven due to the long absence and I quote "willing neglect." They are obviously bonding, but the League is quick to point out that Superboy is probably dealing with fresh wounds again because of it. Wasn't really worth taking a whole chapter to deconstruct.

Thanks for reading and sorry it took so long to update. So many cliches focused on Robin and the ones that didn't couldn't really be deconstructed so easily. Didn't know what to make of the "Artemis having an eating disorder" aside from saying how impossible that is.

Thanks for reading and sorry that this chapter is shorter than usual.


	6. Don't Call Me Baby Flash!

**Author's Note:** Thanks for the reviews last time. Now for a chapter that doesn't require Batman in it. Also, **Smile** , when I said I wasn't going to focus on the plotline of Superman and Superboy bonding Post Season 1, it wasn't a request, but I knew of it thanks to TV Tropes.

But I appreciate the reminder that Superman was also a victim in this, but the way he handled it wasn't mature. He treated Superboy with hostility even though it wasn't his fault and I really hated how they handled the sub plot in Season One, the Time Skip was a turn off and a bad idea (roll credits). Some of the suggestions leave little room for humor and I do not want to make light of some of these serious issues (like another berserk button of mine worse than BullyFics), so I changed this series into a Drama/Humor story now.

Before I forget, does anyone know a good cover artist? I really want to make some cover art for some of my stories, but my talent lies in writing and not art, digital or hand-drawn.

The timing of this update seems appropriate since it is April First, I was thinking of updating yesterday, but April Fool's felt better. Enjoy!

* * *

The bell rang, signaling freedom. Wally couldn't get out of the building faster without using his super speed – Batman gave him a pretty stern lecture about using powers in public after the last time he did this, the security cameras drove the guards nuts – making sure that his backpack was strapped tightly to his back.

Running home would be fun, but again, Bat-Lecture…so he decided to walk. And it allowed him to take in the sights around him; the green grass starting to sprout from the ground after a long winter, the first smells of flowers blooming – and agitated his nose – in an array of different colors, and the scraping of roller-blades on concrete – his English grade was getting better, but God help him should anyone ask him to be _extremely_ descriptive – all of which were surrounding his senses with a unanimous sensation.

This was why he preferred running over walking…

He heard an engine running behind him, but Wally ignored it. Must have been one of those people who loved driving slowly and pissed everyone off in the process.

So why did he hear familiar voices that brought back memories of frostbites in places he refused to let anyone know about…?

"Hey kid, want some ice cream?" Wally looked in the direction the voice came from, exactly where the engine noise was coming from.

Wally shook his head. "No thanks, I don't have my wallet on me."

His wallet hugged close inside of his left pocket.

Wally blinked. The ice cream guy was dressed in the uniform seen in old TV shows, but he looked familiar…

"Captain Cold…?"

There was silence.

"NOW!"

Fuck! They were giving themselves away that loudly?!

Wally didn't realize that he was the target, only that he was tangled up in a gooey mass pinning his arms to his side and gluing his legs together, thrown into a burlap sack – seriously, could the Rogues be any more cliché than that? And to think that he stopped them from robbing banks three times a week – and then there was darkness. He was carried bridal-style into the van before unceremoniously thrown onto the metal floor. He felt a strap being wrapped around him before he heard a click.

"Safety first." The voice of the Trickster spoke up in a cheerful tone.

This wasn't happening. This was NOT happening. Hands and feet tied together hog style like he was cattle on a ranch with what Wally was praying to God was gum and wouldn't get in his hair. He leaned back for a moment and felt his hair being pulled by something.

It was too much to ask...

A moment later, he saw light before something covering his eyes tightly in what was most likely a sock that hadn't been washed in a few months.

His eyes were blindfolded, hair was ruined, and running low on fuel. Even if he did have a full stomach, there wasn't any certainty whether or not he could vibrate through the ropes without cutting his wrists. Then again, it would have been empty again from the foul aroma alone.

Then he felt the vehicle moving, his body sliding across the floor for a moment before the strap around him stopped this. The engine was roaring underneath. He could hear the tires screech. This was happening, this was _actually_ happening to him.

Wally didn't want to admit it, but he was scared. A kidnapping attempt. He was the target. And he wasn't even rich! He did NOT envy this part of being wealthy, not one bit. Dick could keep that part of his world to himself. At least he was insured to have some superhero coming within an hour of the kidnapping and preventing something of a torture porn from happening.

Seriously, why are people entertained by someone else's extreme misery?! Were they on crack or did they watch too much NCIS, Criminal Minds, or any other crime show that had a sadist villain almost every week?

"How's he holding up?" He hears a gruff voice. Captain Cold! Did they know who they had just abducted?

Captain Boomerang's voice was heard next. He said. "Long as he isn't cactus, I'm game for phase 2. Still think we're gonna cark it by the end of this. Flash's is gonna cut snake when he finds us."

"Okay, first off, no idea what you're saying." Trickster said. When he got out of this, Wally was gonna give that asshole a black eye for ruining his hair, clothes, _and_ backpack with that sticky mass that he was still hoping was a lot of pre-chewed gum and nothing else. "Second off, get an Aussie to English translation book. Third-"

"Does it have to do with my bloody speak?" Boomerang snarled.

"No, I was going to tell you to get a breath mint, cause I can smell nicotine from here!"

There was a thud and sharp cry of pain.

"Cold!" Trickster said like a child tattling a sibling on their parent. "Digger's hitting me again."

"Both of you zip it!" Cold snapped.

"Jerk!"

Wally couldn't take it anymore. "LET ME OUT OF HERE! MY UNCLE'S A COP!"

He hoped that they would buy the white lie and at least take him seriously…unless they assumed they could use Wally as leverage instead and threaten the CCPD with it, which in that case, fuck.

"We know." Trickster said cheerfully. "Hmmm, but I don't think he's _that_ type of cop…Digger, isn't he a forensic officer?"

"Yeah." Wally could hear the sneer creeping onto Captain Boomerang's face. "That means that if anything happens, he might be looking at a crime scene where the only victim was a fifteen-year-old pubescent pup, survived by his mother and father. So, if you just keep your mouth shut, she'll be apples."

What?

"…are you threatening to turn my mom into fruit?" Wally asked.

Boomerang suddenly screamed. "NO ONE UNDERSTANDS A TRUE AUSSIE ANYMORE! I BLAME TELEVISION!"

"Everyone zip it! Don't make me turn this thing around!"

"Yes, _Mom._ " Trickster said in a mocking tone.

"Watch it!" Cold snapped. "We're not making any death threats on children, that's our rule. So, Trickster, don't get any ideas and Harkness, stop teasing Baby Flash."

"IT'S KID FLASH, YOU IDIOTS!" How could his own _enemies_ get his name wrong?! "NOT BABY FLASH! I AM NOT FLASH BOY, I AM NOT FLASH JUNIOR, AND I AM CERTAINLY NOT CALLED SPEEDY, SO WHY DON'T YOU ALL LET ME GO AND – I just told you my secret identity, didn't I?"

Wally banged his head against the floor, feeling his hair getting tugged by the sack even more. Please God, take him out of his misery.

"Watch it, or I'll spank you with my boomerang." Boomerang sounded a bit _too_ cheerful…

"…"

"What." Cold said.

"Are you at least going to wear protection…?" Wally couldn't help but ask. If he was going to lose his virginity, he would at least hope there wouldn't be the chance of getting an STD.

Boomerang sputtered. "What?! N-no! I was going to spank you with my weapon, not my wallaby, you nut!"

"The nerve of some people, these days." Trickster agreed. "Always thinking crazy things."

"I actually thought you were referring to down under, too." Cold admitted in the front of the van.

"You all suck." Boomerang muttered.

A police siren was heard in the distance. He was saved!

"Heatwave, we need cover." He wasn't saved!

Footsteps pounded against the floor for a few moments. He heard something being picked up from the floor near him. His backpack pressed into his back tightly, there was no way Wally would be able to do a training session or two once this was all over.

Explosions were heard outside, and Wally prayed that there were no deaths.

XXX

He felt the van stop.

"Okay, we're here." Captain Cold said. "Open the sack and let him out."

Wally shuddered. This wasn't going to end well, he was certain of it. He felt the burlap sack open and the blindfold being removed from his face. He squinted, trying to adjust to the light and keep the sweat from the sock from going into his eyeballs.

Trickster grinned at him as he helped the boy up, pulling something from out of his cape and spraying it on the sticky mass encasing him. Wally felt his arms being pulled away from his chest, sighing with relief over the return of movement.

Captain Cold, having removed the paper-thin disguise he was wearing, now donned a beanie with a blue sweatshirt, his ice-blue eyes standing out. He smiled. "Alright, kid. Ready to have some fun?"

They were standing in front of an amusement park.

Wally stared at him. "What."

"Surprise!" Trickster had swapped his fashion-law-breaking outfit for an equally fashion-law-breaking disguise. Seriously, who wore a plaid kilt with a plaid shirt?

Heatwave just put on pair of glasses as if that would be the perfect disguise to hide in when the police would be looking for them.

"What is going on?" Wally dared to ask.

Trickster placed an arm around Wally's shoulder, who proceeded to shrug it off. "See Baby Flash-"

"Don't call me that!"

Trickster continued. "We wanted to do something nice for you and I suggested we try hanging out outside of our costumes."

Wally stared at them as if they had worms crawling out of their heads like apples. The Rogues, men who were capable of doing mass destruction and have served as an adversary to Uncle Barry and himself – even nearly killing him a few times – thought it would be a _great_ idea to do something nice?!

"I am not following your logic." He confessed.

"Kidnapping you in an ice cream van was my idea." Heatwave said, as if Wally had never said anything at all.

"And leaving you all behind is mine." Wally quickly fell face-down to the ground, his feet now encased in a block of ice.

"MY NOSE!"

"We're spending the day with you, end of discussion." Captain Cold said briskly.

"Quick question." Wally said stuffily as his broken nose started bleeding. "Even though you all have taken a stance against domestic abusers against women and children – and even refuse to hurt either kinds of people – what makes you think my uncle is going to be okay with letting you hang out with me after so many near-death experiences by your hands?"

No one spoke.

Captain Cold groaned. "Aw crap."

Wally couldn't see anything from his position on the ground, but he knew that familiar _vrrrrrroooom!_ sound anywhere. Several blasts of wind blowing through his hair later, Wally felt himself being picked off the ground and pulled into an embrace.

"Wally!" The Flash sighed with relief. "Thank God, I got here in time."

He quickly looked at the Rogues on the ground, Trickster's kilt blown out of position – Thank God, he was wearing underwear underneath – and coughed a few times. "I mean, are you Wallace Rudolph West, young man?"

"It's okay, Uncle Barry, they know who we are." Wally sighed.

Flash's eyes widened behind his cowl. "H-how?!"

"Dunno, don't care, just call Doctor Fate and erase their memories of that and this kidnapping and take me home before I see Trickster in anymore horrible color clashes and kilts."

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** This common cliche I hear is a part of Flash fanfiction thanks to TV Tropes. I didn't know much about the Rogues until I read **Muddling through Grey** , where Superboy is taken in by the Rogues. I was afraid it was a torture fic until I read it. While they do call Wally "Baby Flash" (just as bad as calling Robin "Baby Bird" or "Little Bird" all the time, in my opinion), it's more like friendly teasing and not doting. Plus, the writer made sure to handle personalities in the Rogues similar to canon, I actually learned more about those guys thanks to that fic and even checked Wikipedia for clarification.

In that story, Wally mentioned that he was more like frenemies with the Rogues along with the Allens and Garricks as well. Captain Cold still gave the poor kid third-degree frostbites, making them friends outside of costumes. The writer did unfortunately use the fanfic cliche of having the Team for public battles. I still enjoyed it, you should all read it if you like seeing a baby!Owen Mercer bonding with Conner.

Sorry for the rant, the Rogues are more like Villains With Humanity in them, making some of them like frenemies with the Speedsters at times. Trickster and Pied Piper are great examples of this. Thanks for reading and Happy April Fool's Day! :)


	7. Wake the Dead and Make Em Dead

**Author's Note:** I will be publishing every two weeks on Sunday from now on. Hope that helps ease your minds as to when I will update. Next chapter will come April 30th. Still haven't gotten any responses over the cover art request. I am a bad artist and wish I was talented on the other side of my brain.

* * *

Ra's al Ghul smiled with pleasure. He was close to gaining another pawn to use against the Detective. Imagine the look of horror when he realized who the person was in time, one of his old proteges. The body wrapped in burial linens was slowly lowered by chains into the Lazarus Pit, edging closer to becoming alive again.

Talia waited by his right side, possibly viewing this as a chance to become close to the Detective again. Ra's shook his head in pity, her vision of how things were going to turn out would have no part in his plans. Batman had rejected him and a chance to become his heir. Now it was time for him to show that fool what happens when one of his own heirs was turned against him.

The corpse vanished underneath the surface of the pool, smoke rising from where the chains had gone under.

Moments passed until something broke the surface, screaming in agony. Talia rushed over and helped the linen-wrapped figure out of the pool. Remnants of the Lazarus Pit dripped off his body like sweat, still writhing in agony over being woken up from the slumber of death.

Ra's smiled.

Vengeance would be coming for the Detective soon enough. A few months of training and Jason Todd will be ready to take his revenge and violent philosophy to the streets of Gotham…

* * *

 _Five months later._

* * *

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, HE ISN'T TAKING VENGEANCE?!" Ra's screamed at the fool who had interrupted him from his meeting.

"Just that, my lord. I came to his chambers and found a note." The assassin spoke calmly, as if he weren't close to becoming the next Fillet al a Killer. "The message stated his eternal gratitude for your help and allowing him a second chance at life, but that he does not wish to take revenge on the Detective or his proteges. The only target, he says, is the Joker…and the Light."

Ra's sighed. The boy was not yet aware that _he_ was a member of the Light as well. He was so close to gaining a pawn to enact his revenge and further the Light's agenda. The League had stopped letting their heads being shoved up their asses and actually began investigating locations that those…youngsters had been spotted in. No stone was left unturned and it resulted in Luther becoming Public Enemy Number 1 when he began losing resources and credibility after several…incriminating photos had been published to all forms of media. He initially claimed fraud and slander, until several videos and bribes had left him struggling in the corner.

And if that wasn't enough, the League had sent for assistance from New Genesis to deal with Darkseid and his impending attempts to take over the Earth. Long story short, Savage and Queen Bee were left without resources as well, Savage being stuck on Apokolips due to interference from the Guardians of the Universe – damn those little, blue men – as well as combined efforts from all magic users from Earth and New Genesis to maintain Klarion the Witch Boy.

The Light was falling and desperate for allies, which is where Ra's got the idea of bringing back Jason Todd in the first place. Such a shame too, if that boy were smart enough to not become a pawn, he should have at least been aware of the bomb Ra's himself had implanted during his recovery. One movement towards his blade, and the assassin was silenced. Permanently.

Another movement later into the folds of his cloak brought out a small remote. One push of a button and the plan would be scrapped and not be the end of the Light.

There. Now it was all taken care of –

One trip to the Lazarus Pit later and multiple stiches in places where Ra's refused to let anyone know about and he was cursing Talia at the top of his lungs too. One could say that his problems began ever since Talia had seen Batman pull out his personal batarang and shown it into her cave.

God, he shouldn't try sounding hip. What would the other villains say?

* * *

"Jason, I am happy that you're alive, but I won't let you kill the Joker." Batman said bluntly.

"Jason? Who the hell is Jason?" Joker scrunched his face in thought while the Red-Hood fellow flipped Batman the bird for saying something that was obviously his real name in front of an old enemy. "You wouldn't happen to be connected to Jason Voorhees, now would you? Because you really should be wearing a hockey mask and taunting horny campers."

"Shut up, clown!" He-Who-Was-Called-Jason yelled. He turned to Batman. "And you. Give me one good reason why I _shouldn't_ kill the same man who has murdered half a million people that doesn't involve saying it would break your code – because let's be honest, you've technically broken that rule the _second_ time you let that monster live!"

"It would be too easy –"

"Boring."

"He would win –" Batman began again.

"Joker wants a glorified death, not one witnessed by one person and a person that was dead until a few months ago." He-Who-Had-Stolen-Joker's-First-Gimmick-And-Was-Also-Named-Jason cut off Batman again.

Batman started gritting his teeth. "I can't do it –"

BAM!

"Batman, what part of 'I was going to kill the Joker and save you the trouble' did you not understand?!" Jason snapped. "My God, I love you and all, but you are a thick-headed moron!"

Batman looked at the place where the Joker once sat. Alive, at least. No time to even smile, either.

"You killed him…"

"No shit, Sherlock." Jason said bluntly.

"And I didn't do anything to stop you." Batman slumped to the ground. "I –"

Jason couldn't take it anymore. "I swear to God, if you start angsting over something that wasn't your fault and happened to someone who deserved it, I might start offing the others from Wacky-Shack World!"

"But –"

"I didn't give you a choice and I wasn't planning on letting you choose between killing me or him, because obviously, you're going to pull some Batman gimmick that would hurt me and ensure more misery in Gotham." Jason began walking away. "Did you really think I was going to listen to another word from you that wouldn't really hold up that well in a reasonable argument?"

"I don't approve of your methods." Batman could only say.

"And I don't approve of yours, but you were a good parent to me, Bruce." Jason mumbled. "Tell the Replacement that if he tried doing something stupid or gets in my way, I will make him regret it."

"How did you go from saying I was a decent parent to threatening your younger brother?" Batman glared at him.

Jason looked at him like he was a moron. "I said I didn't hate you, but that doesn't mean I won't feel upset over being replaced by someone you just met. Imagine how Dick would react if that happened to him."

"Yeah, it probably wouldn't have made sense." Batman agreed. He then threw handcuffs at Jason, chaining him up to a pillar. Justified or not, Jason would still have to deal with murdering several gangs over the past few weeks. And then therapy to deal with potential PTSD.

Two weeks later, Alfred asked him if he was on crack for letting a wanted murderer stay at Wayne Manor near Tim.

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** Dick and Jason were confirmed to be close in YJ, and I could contribute that to Batman not firing Dick over a stupid reason and letting him leave on his own accord. Jason wouldn't want vengeance over Bruce not saving him - he says in Red Hood that he forgave him - and wanted only the Joker...and a few gangs on top of that. No way he would become an enemy to the Team like that or become an enemy to people he has worked with in the past that quickly if he had a happier time as Robin with Dick being a nice older brother, although I was afraid of making him into someone who wanted hugs like most fanfics do. Hence the threats to do harm to Tim.

Ra's probably wouldn't have let Jason go that freely, even after receiving a letter outright stating that, but Jason would have only sent it if he was certain nothing would happen. He was trained to be a detective after all. Not to mention, Talia would have helped him if Jason didn't figure it out.

And yeah, Batman should come up with better excuses over why letting the Joker die is a bad idea other than "There's always another way." And should make sure those attempting to off the clown are unable to kill said clown. Talking does not mean everyone will listen. And Jason should have gotten away from the scene faster, he was still wanted for murdering other people who weren't as dangerous as the Joker but still threats to the public.

And any fanfics showing a Jason who kills living in Wayne Manor automatically have a Bruce Wayne/Batman on crack. Especially near people he would most likely kill.

Not my best chapter, but not as short as I expected, considering how this was written within an hour and a half.

Happy Easter.


	8. Bullies II

**Author's Notes:** I'm back. This chapter was hard to decide for which cliche to attack next. I thought to myself, _I'm going to do the one with Deathstroke acting like he should be in Teen Titans_ , but I decided to go for another Bully fic cliche. I wanted to avoid doing another one about Dick Grayson for a while, because there were just so many of them, but this one was more possible to write. More dramatic and less funny, by the way. Just letting you know. So many essays to write and I am happy that I made a lot of progress on one of them that I decided to spend time of this chapter after adding 3 pages to my final. Yay!

* * *

Principal Williams sat in his chair, listening to the end of an account of what just occurred earlier that day.

"-he was berserk – I don't know what I did to him – and then he tried biting my knuckle off when I tried prying him off Jonny." He was shown teeth marks on an index finger, the only part of the story that he deduced was accurate, but for the wrong reasons…

"-and that's when Mr. Higgens pulled us apart and sent us to your office." Anthony McBride finished with a huff of frustration meant for the theatre.

"-and when he sent that Grayson kid to the nurse." Anthony's friend, and apparently, victim to the alleged "assault", Jonathon Daniels added with a grimace. "I don't know, sir. He's only been here for a day, but I think that kid's nothing but trou –"

"Mister Daniels, was I asking about your side of the story or your opinion about Richard Grayson?" Principal Williams glared at him.

"Um…the story?" Daniels said in a reluctant voice.

"Thank you, now I want you both to wait outside my office and not to move. I'm going to see Mister Grayson now." It took all of his willpower not to scream his lungs out, and even more to maintain the "stern disciplinary that looks for a reason to punish someone for a wrongdoing, no matter the circumstances" act. Anyone that knew the man – really knew him – would say he was actually putting an effort into the "pal" part of principal.

The hallways were empty, save for a few students still gathering their things from their respected lockers. State of the art and fool-proof security systems that only allowed the person who owns the locket to open them. Another great donation from Wayne Enterprises that brought locker-theft down by ninety-percent.

When he could hear the nurse talking in a soft voice from a distance, Principal Williams gathered his willpower not to rush frantically into the office. He had to abide by his own rules; what if there was an emergency? What sort of example would he be giving to the student body? Frantic behavior would only end with people getting hurt or worse.

Nurse Rogers' door was closed when he got to it, but there were still noises coming from behind it. Principal Williams rapped the door with his knuckles – that reminded him of the only true part of the fabricated tale he was heard – and heard a "Come in!"

He turned the doorknob and pushed, letting himself into the room. It was relatively large, mostly for the multiple beds that were being housed in the area. A reminder of last fall's flu epidemic and the lack of beds for so many kids. Three beds proved to be useless that time, since so many as ten to fifteen people for the four dreaded days came into the office and fought over the bedding like animals.

If they had inhaled more of that Joker gas…

Principal Williams inwardly shuddered and quickly scanned the room for the person he wanted to talk to. Sitting on one of the beds in the far right-hand corner was a little boy, standing a little over four feet and still room for growing. Black hair cropped the crown of his head and barely even made it halfway down, ending several inches above the jawline. Just looking at the poor kid made Principal Williams want to go back to his office and give those two boys a piece of his mind. And his fist.

"Richard, how are you doing?" Principal Williams put on a gentle smile meant for the younger students. It always helped make him an approachable figure, albeit on the stern grandfatherly-side. Seeing Richard not return to smile made Williams silently clench his fists.

That proved to be the wrong thing to do, it brought about a sudden change to Richard's figure, shifting from shy and uncomfortable to tense and ready to fly.

 _Wrong choice of words, Williams._ He cursed himself. Hasn't that poor kid been through enough?

Rogers, a frown on his thirty-something face, looked up from Richard, kneeling on the ground as he put on a bandage. "Principal Williams, is there something you need?"

"Yes, Steve. I wanted to talk to Richard about what happened."

The blonde-haired man nodded and looked back at Richard. "Do you want me to tell him for you or…–"

"I-I can tell him." The young boy spoke in a quiet voice. He cleared his throat and spoke louder. "I can tell him."

Nurse Rogers nodded and gave a smile.

Principal Williams walked over to Rogers' desk and gestured to his chair. "May I?"

A quick nod and Principal Williams sunk into the chair, taking quick note of the soft cushion underneath. He continued. "Richard, I just want to say that I'm sorry this whole thing happened. I'm going to contact your legal guardian about this."

He held up his hand when Richard opened his mouth in objection. "Don't worry, you're not in trouble. It's school policy. I just need to know what happened; could you give me your side of the story?"

Richard had already begun talking three words before Williams had finished, almost bursting with new energy at having the chance to speak. "I was getting my stuff out of my locker and those two jumped me. I-I don't know their names, but one of them pushed me into the locker and…and…started calling me names."

Principal Williams raised an eyebrow. "Like?"

Richard blushed and looked down, his desire to fight dying. Rogers spoke up. "They made fun of his mother and called her the 'w' word."

 _How original._ Principal Williams thought dryly to himself.

"They also suggested that Mr. Wanye…"

Rogers looked down, his face flush red, more from anger than embarrassment. There wasn't any need to hear the rest.

Principal Williams nodded. "And we all know where that nonsense came from."

 _Right out of someone's ass._ He thought to himself.

Richard looked up, his eyes glistening with tears. _Dear God, was this the first time someone actually thought those rumors were nothing but horse-shit?...or is it true and he's upset that he thought someone he could trust is still treating it like it's nothing._

"Thanks." Richard whispered. "No one else believes me. I-I mean, I don't think the teacher believes me…"

"Why do you think that?" Principal Williams asked.

"Cause I heard her in the teachers' lounge…she said Bruce must have gotten tired of the girls if he took me in."

Williams could feel his face grow hot – _even the teachers buy this crap?!_

"I'll speak to your teacher about that later, then." Principal Williams reassured him. "What's their name?"

"Um…"Richard paused. "Miss Burgen-something?"

"Burgeson." Principal Williams corrected him gently. _The goddamn English teacher's too lazy to check her sources like she teaches kids?!_ "Now, back to the fight. What happened when they were saying those things?"

Richard tugged at a sleeve, torn a little from the fight. "I…started kicking and that's when they started hitting me. I bit on someone's finger and they punched me in the face…and that's when a teacher broke up the fight and brought me here."

"Did they ask if you were alright?"

Richard nodded, Principal Williams made a mental note to thank Mr. Higgens for breaking up the fight before it got worse and took the initiative to help Richard.

"Alright. Sit tight, son. I'm sure Mr. Wayne will be here in twenty minutes. Steve?"

Rogers looked at him.

"If Mr. Wayne comes in here first and not my office, make sure he knows that the fight wasn't Richard's fault and that he needs a few days to recover."

"You mean like suspension?!" Richard looked indigenous.

"That's a part of protocol –" Principal Williams started as he stood up.

"But I didn't start it!" Richard suddenly shouted.

"You're hurt." Principal Williams continued calmly. "All parties involved in the incident must face discipline, but it's also an excuse for victims to take a few days off and get to a doctor. You are not in trouble, this is for your safety and health."

Richard seemed satisfied with this answer, but he still looked upset. Principal Williams looked back to Rogers.

"Could you bring Richard when Mr. Wayne comes? We'll probably have the other parents coming in sooner or later."

"Yeah." Rogers said.

The phone suddenly rang, startling everyone in the room. Rogers walked over and picked up the phone.

"Nurse's office, Steve speaking…yeah, he's here."

Rogers covered the speaker. "Mr. Wayne's here, so are Daniels' and McBride's parents."

Principal Williams sighed. "Alright, I'll go talk to them. Richard, I'm going to have to ask you to come with me, if you're done."

"He is." Rogers nodded. Richard stood up from the bed.

"Hold on." Rogers pulled open one of his drawers and withdrew…

"Here's your lollipop. For being a good patient." Rogers smiled. Richard gave a weak smile back and pocketed the red candy on a stick. Principal Williams also smiled, he knew how much Rogers and his wife, Peggy, wanted to have kids of their own. Not a bad position for someone who returned from the war.

He heard rumors that Rogers was getting group therapy with some people he met a few years back. They had become near inseparable, and there were even further rumors that one of them was as rich as Mr. Wayne. Any rumors related to Rogers and the other guy were clearly forgetting about their respected wives.

Principal Williams walked half a step behind Richard, as if he wanted to be sure that the boy was still there and wouldn't vanish the moment he turned his back on him. There was no doubt that the parents were going to be up in arms about this, and possibly refusing to see their children as the bad guys.

 _And yet, the nine-year-old is the one who got hurt the most…_ Principal Williams thought bitterly.

There was no way he was going to budge an inch after this. Daniels and McBride might have stayed out of his office for as long as they could, but Principal Williams heard through the grapevine. He saw how other kids reacted when they saw the two teenagers in the same room as themselves. And he knew that they tried to justify their unofficial posts as the terrors of Gotham Academy with their positions on the football and swimming team.

Bruce Wayne was waiting outside of his office, his arms crossed and his face restrained with anger and disappointment. The Daniels, both rich enough to not have to work, were dressed as if they had just gotten out of bed, he could smell lavender from his position. The McBrides weren't as off guard, Mrs. McBride smelled like she was cooking something.

 _I hope she knows how to work a fire extinguisher._ Principal Williams thought.

He kept his face calm and blank; Richard might know that he wasn't in trouble but that didn't mean he had to broadcast to the two liars sitting on the bench that he saw through their act. The last thing he needed was for them to try making themselves look like the victims in front of their parents.

"Mr. Wayne, I'd like to talk to you and your ward first. Could the rest of you wait outside?"

Principal Williams didn't wait for a response and opened the door, letting Mr. Wayne walk in briskly. Richard followed through as though he were a man on death row.

As Principal Williams closed the door, he could see the two teenagers giving each other smirks of triumph. Honestly, if they were going to pin the blame on someone else, the least they could do was to not drop the act when the person they were trying to convince was close by. And was it that hard to come up with a story that actually _didn't_ contradict itself and leave little room for logic?

 _No._ Williams thought. _I shouldn't be encouraging those bastards to be trickier. Letting them carry on with their current methods will make my job a lot easier and a lot of students safer after today._

After the three had settled into their seats – Principal Williams took a quick look at Mr. Wayne and wondered if he actually believed those two teenagers – Principal Williams cleared his throat.

"I'd like to start off by saying that Richard was a victim in what I gather to be an unprovoked attack. I already explained to him that he will be excused from school under the guise of a suspension while he recovers. We'll mail his assignments daily so he doesn't fall behind. Is there anything else you need to talk about?"

As he spoke, Principal Williams watched as Mr. Wayne's expression show quick but brief flashes of shock and embarrassment.

 _I know he's a goofball sometimes, but how could he have bought that lie so quickly?!_

"I understand. Thank you, sir, for letting me know this." Mr. Wayne nodded. He added with a grimace. "I was, sadly, under the impression that Richard had acted out. I…I can't believe that I bought that _story_ so quickly."

 _Well, I can._ But from the looks of it, Richard looked surprised to hear that his own guardian was taking someone else's side over his without hearing everything.

Mr. Wayne must have noticed this too. "Richard, I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions like that. I hope you can forgive me."

Richard looked at him, maybe wondering if he should, before giving a small smile. "Okay."

"We better go see Leslie, then." Mr. Wayne stood up to leave.

"Who?"

"The family doctor." Mr. Wayne explained.

"Our nurse already checked in on him." Principal Williams explained. "Everything's been taken care of."

"I just want to be sure." Mr. Wayne gave a charming smile. "She'll be after my blood if I don't let her be sure."

"Understood. I'm sorry that you had to go through this on your 1st day, Richard. I'm going to deal with those two, I promise."

The moment Mr. Wayne opened the door, the other two families fought to get inside first, not caring if they were blocking people trying to get out.

Mr. Wayne took Richard's hand into his own and almost pushed everyone aside. Richard turned his head back to stick his tongue out at McBride and Daniels.

As soon as both families sat down, the accusations began.

"Our sons were trying to be gentlemen to a poor boy and he attacks them –"

"-the worst offense I've ever had to deal with –"

"-we were trying to be nice to him and he goes berserk –"

Principal Williams held up his hand until everyone finally quieted down. He was that close to getting into a screaming match.

"Let me just start off by saying for the record that I know you two," He gestured to McBride and Daniels, "are lying."

The protests began again before Principal Williams raised his voice to a wordless shout.

"You two described to me how Richard suddenly attack you as you approached his locker. And the first time you told me this story, you never mentioned wanting to say 'Hi' to him." Principal Williams reached for the jug of water near him and poured a tall glass. His head was already hurting. "You also described – in great detail and contradictions, by the way – what kind of injuries you received. Anthony, where're the pencil markings on your arm that you said came from Richard trying to stab you with his pencil? Jonathon, I see you gained a black eye in the past ten minutes since we last talked? Care to explain how Richard could be at two places at once between the time you were telling me about your 'assault' and the time that I was walking in with him?"

"Don't make my son sound like a liar –" Principal Williams slammed his hand down on the desk to make Mr. Daniels shut up. He continued speaking in a calm don't-fuck-with-me tone, holding back a smile as he knew there would be no more interruptions.

"Now, what's even more confusing is the difference between the states you two are in compared to Richard. Now, the only accurate thing you two have said to me was the bite on Jonathon's finger. If you say you were just minding your own business or wanting to be nice to someone – whichever one makes more sense, I would think the first story would match your behaviors better – then why did Richard have to go to the nurse's office with so many injuries on his person? If you just wanted to say hi, I would think you would want to _avoid_ hurting him. Maybe even get away from him and report Richard without starting a fight. Now, that would be more in character _if you two were actually decent people_."

All four parents flinched and opened their mouths in protest, but Principal Williams beat them to it.

"Your children might not have been sent to my office until today, but I have kept complaints and been gathering evidence for the past three years. All actions have either taken place off campus or where merely insults or injuries that conveniently looked like accidents in large places. If you don't believe me, we have security cameras showing those two instigating the fight. Amelia."

He looked at Mrs. Daniels.

"You annually give large donations to the Foundation for Children in Need. I would expect you to be horrified and maybe even ask if Richard were alright, you saw his injuries, I'm sure of it.

"So, in short. I'm expelling your children until their hearing with the School Board. And none of them are fans of money, I'm afraid, so you're going to have to rely on a damn good lawyer."

Principal Williams took a deep breath before speaking again. He glared at Jonathon and Anthony and spoke in a cold voice. "That boy had just lost his family, and that was how you showed your consideration?! I want you two to get the fuck out of my school and never come back."

"That's not fair –" Anthony protested.

"You're right, do you know what's fair?" Principal Williams spoke in a sarcastic voice to his two former students.

 _Beating you two the same way that Richard was, then ripping out your innards to show the whole world what heartless little shits you are!_

Neither of them gave an answer. The Daniels actually became more awake from the rant, Mrs. Daniels looked like she was about to cry. The McBrides, famous for their excuses, were unable to give any for once. And to think, he was expecting a verbal match just to get more than one word in at a time.

 _How anti-climactic_ _and satisfying at the same time._

"Just get out of here before I call security."

And with that, both families left in stone-cold horror.

Principal Williams sighed loudly. It wasn't even April yet. When did the summer start, again?

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** Four things helped inspire this chapter:

1) This retelling of Robin's origin called _Becoming Robin_ that took the Juvie cliche and played it out more realistically, showing how much a month in a place like that could affect an 8-year-old who just lost his family. One scene bugged me, when two bullies attack Dick and then play it out like they were the victims. Bruce actually bought their story and didn't see otherwise until he looked at the security cameras. I was wondering why the school didn't have similar footage and why did Bruce assume something that quickly, he was the World's Greatest Detective, after all. In the end *spoilers* the bullies didn't get much of a comeuppance aside from being forced to leave town, so that always bugged me. I wouldn't read the story again because it was kind of too intense at times and I didn't want to re-read Dick being hurt by assholes.

2) This spitefic called _Perspective Charlie_ from the book, Twilight, where Bella's father automatically pokes holes in Bella's story about falling down two flights of stairs and then out of a window. So I was writing the principal using the author's version of Charlie Swan as inspiration. So his little rant at the end of this long chapter was me using Charlie's voice in the dialogue with more anger.

3) One of my favorite scenes from the movie, _Scream_ , where the principal chews out two students for dressing up as the murderer, Ghostface, and running around the school scaring people. What I loved the most about that scene was that the principal was actually doing something about two insensitive idiots after two homicides occurred the previous night. Principal Williams' thoughts at the end were sort of a paraphrase of "Fairness would be to rip your insides out and hang you from a tree so we can expose you for the heartless, desensitized little shits that you are!" And the best part? I was just thinking when those morons were doing it "Too soon!" And I found much catharsis in a movie avoiding the useless (and typically jackass) principal cliche. The hypocrisy that the principal shows in the next scene did ruin the moment a bit, but he was wearing the Ghostface mask in his office with no one but himself in the room at the time.

4) This one shot series called _Daddy Bats_ has the first chapter deal with the bullying cliche at its worst and the worst part? The principal decides without hearing dick's side of the story that Dick was the troublemaker and wouldn't even let him speak in his own defense. Artemis and Barbara managed to record it and show it right after the principal threw Dick out of the office, but I was turned off by that chapter alone and wanted to throw something. Seriously?! One of the best, if not best, schools in Gotham and the principal won't hear the story from _all_ perspectives?! And not even listen to the son of the richest man in Gotham's side of the story?!

Why don't fanfics show the principal listening to Dick's side of the story too and maybe pulling a Sherlock scan and thinking "This doesn't add up at all"? It wasn't even that hard for the guy to do and he's not Batman.

Cheers for the longest chapter in the story so far. Next update will be May 14th, unless I post a short chapter before then.


	9. Friends

**Author's Notes:** Here's a follow-up chapter taking place three days later. Thanks for your reviews on the OCs, hoped everyone enjoyed the Captain America cameo. And thanks, **Smile** , for your criticisms over some of the characters. This chapter will have more sane people in it this time, I swear.

* * *

Dick rubbed his eyes, still crusty from sleep, as he made his way towards his locker. This wasn't going to be a good day, he just knew it. Bruce had offered to walk him into the school himself, but Alfred thought it was a terrible idea.

"The last thing those children need," the butler began, "is an intimidating figure ready to pounce at them for so much as looking at you."

Three days spent recovering wasn't enough, if only Bruce would show him some cool moves that he could pull on the next jerk that attacks him, then he would be able to take care of himself more easily. But Bruce was adamant about not fighting in public.

"It will only be a matter of time before they realize that you're Robin, Dick." Bruce said to him right after they came home. "You're going to have to take a few hits here and there to keep your identity safe."

Personally speaking, Dick thought that was stupid. Leslie was _not_ amused with the injuries he got and privately agreed that he should be allowed to defend himself.

"Hey!" Dick flinched at the sound and ignored it. He didn't want any trouble, so why were people so determined to _get_ him into trouble for no reason?!

"Wait, I just wanted to say hi!" A boy his age ran in front of him, looking a bit hurt from the cold shoulder he was receiving. "My name's Andy, what's yours?"

Dick stopped in his tracks. He could feel butterflies in his stomach, he was so nervous all of a sudden.

"R-Richard." He finally spoke. "But I like being called Dick."

Andy cackled. "My mom says that's a bad word!"

"No it's not!" Dick crossed his arms in indignation. "It's short for Richard."

Andy stared at him with wide eyes. "Really?!"

"Yeah, it's an old name." Dick continued.

"We're in the same English class, right?" Andy asked.

Dick nodded. "I think so."

"Hey Andy, who's that?" A girl with pigtails came towards them.

"Dick." Andy gestured to him.

The girl gasped. "I'm telling the teacher you said a bad word!"

Andy looked horrified. "No! I-It's short for Richard. I swear. Ask him."

"It's true." Dick sighed.

The girl in pigtails looked at him as if he had grown a second head and started eating the school uniform he was wearing. "Liar, liar!"

"Am not!" Dick objected.

"Are too." The girl in pigtails retorted.

"Jenny, cut it out, or else Miss Buttface'll come over." Andy got in-between the two.

"Buttface?" Dick asked.

"Miss Zygerman." Andy explained. "She teaches 8th grade and she's really mean."

"To troublemakers." The girl with pigtails added. She stared at Dick. "What happened to your face?"

Dick automatically covered up the bruise on his cheek that hadn't completely healed yet. "It's nothing."

"I heard you got into a fight with some of the high school kids." Andy interjected.

Dick shot a glare at him. "They were hitting me because…."

He closed his mouth. He didn't want people calling him a 'circus freak' now. There was no way that they would –

"They were jerks?" Jenny suggested.

Dick smiled a little. "Yeah. They were."

"I heard that the principal expelled them after that."

"What?" This was the first time that Dick was hearing this.

"Yeah." Andy nodded. "And their teams are mad at them too."

"They're supposed to be in the other building with the rest of the older kids." Jenny said.

"What's it like living with Bruce Wayne?"

Dick smiled. "He's cool when you get to know him a little. And Alfred."

"Alfred?" Jenny blinked.

"The butler."

"Oh." Jenny didn't sound that convinced, Dick could tell from the way she stretched out the 'oh' for a few seconds.

The bell rang.

"Uh-oh." Dick rushed to his locker and placed his bag inside, pulling out his assignment book for Homeroom.

"Want to hang out at lunch?" Jenny asked. "We can introduce you to our friends."

Dick smiled. "Yeah. Cool. It was nice meeting you."

"Nice meeting you, too, Dick!" Jenny giggled at the end. All three children rushed to their classes.

* * *

"So Master Richard, may I ask how your second day of school was?" Alfred asked as Dick entered the limo.

"Great." Dick said. "I made a lot of new friends and some of the kids from the high school section came over during recess and apologized for those jerks hurting me. Then some of the kids saw me doing a cartwheel and cheered. It was awesome!"

Alfred smiled. "I'm happy to hear that."

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** I know I said that I would have posted a new chapter so soon after the last one, but school and exams got in the way. Sorry. The "Bullies" one shots will be connected, in case anyone is wondering. This tackles the cliche of "everyone in Gotham Academy hates Dick" by just having Dick make friends right off the bat. Racism is a serious problem if our president is any proof of that, but do most YJ fanfics with Robin have to have EVERYONE in Gotham be a racist bigot?! I know it's a crappy city, but everyone has standards!

Also, posted a new fanfic early this morning - very early - if anyone wants to read it. This BH6 fanfic idea I had for awhile and will be working on alongside **Dynamic** and **Bad Idea**.

Next update will be Mother's Day, so feel free to make requests deconstructing any cliche you can think of. Thanks for reading.


	10. Mother's Day

His ears picked up echoes, footsteps clicking in the hallways. Conner opened his eyes, pulled the blankets off his body and leapt off the bed, cursing himself when he heard the wood groan and collapse from the sudden force.

 _Maybe I could ask Clark about it later_. He thought. Strength was something he had to keep in check all the time.

Conner walked past his drawers and grabbed something on top of it before exiting his bedroom.

The G-Gnomes made it clear that there was only Superman in his blood – and Lex Luthor, Conner thought bitterly. An irony in productive systems, living proof that 2 males could create life, albeit through unconventional means and not through intercourse.

It was funny, bitter, and an outright lie altogether. Conner had months of life under his belt to prove the G-Gnomes and Cadmus wrong about what it meant to be a family.

His smile grew wider when he saw her, in conversation with Red-Tornado. M'gann's mind brushed against his own, a mental image of her knocking on a door and asking to be let in.

 _Where are you?_ He said in the mind-link.

 _I'm coming down the hall, do you see them?_

 _Yeah, they're right here. Close to my room._

 _I'm coming, Conner. Be there in five._

"Conner." Red Tornado noticed him. "What brings you up at this hour so early? School does not commence until oh-eight-hundred hours."

"Just wanted to give you and Canary something." Conner said. He handed them each their respective cards. "Happy Mother's Day to the Team's Den-Mother and Trainer."

"Conner…did you make these yourself?" Canary's eyes widened.

Conner frowned. "Nope. That was M'gann. Holding a pencil is one thing, but using it for drawing is another thing. Same with scissors. Too much force and they-"

He gestured with his hands a snapping motion.

"Did she instigate this plan?" Red Tornado asked.

"I'm here! I'm here." M'gann flew down the hall with a bundle of cards in her arms. Two of them floated upwards and zoomed right at Red Tornado and Black Canary, who caught them as they slowed to a halt.

M'gann landed in front of them. "Sorry about that, Happy Mother's Day to both of you! I'm going to go now, others need their cards too!"

After giving Conner a quick peck on the cheek, M'gann flew off.

"Wait up, Megs!" Rocket flew past them, a large quantity of cards trapped in a purple bubble.

Black Canary had a wry smirk on her face when she looked at Conner.

"She seems to be in a festive mood." Canary said. "Did you want to get in on the fun or…"

"That was all me. I needed someone to draw for me." Conner shrugged. "M'gann just took the idea further and wanted to include everyone else that she could think of that's been like a mother to her or the Team…or she's just giving out cards left and right to the League as a kind gesture. Rachael got in on the idea, too. Is Wonder Woman a mother?"

"That would be a negative." Red Tornado beeped.

Black Canary put a hand on his shoulder. "An excellent demonstration of teamwork."

Conner blushed. The G-Gnomes might have been correct that he had no biological mother, but that didn't mean he could find those who fit the role of mother.

Black Canary raised an eyebrow. "So, if she planning on giving cards to anyone else M'gann's close to that's been a good mom. Lois, too?"

"Well, everyone except Luthor. Pretty bad mom, if you ask me."

Black Canary gaped. "WHAT?!"

* * *

"Happy Mother's Day, Aunt Iris!" Wally mumbled as he gave his aunt a bouquet of flowers with most of the petals gone. "Mom said that it would have been easier to just drive, but I didn't have a license and you and Uncle Barry don't live close by."

Aunt Iris laughed. "I appreciate the effort, Wally."

"You and Uncle Barry coming by to celebrate Mother's Day with us tonight?" Wally asked. "Mom said it was a day for moms everywhere."

No response was given. Wally frowned. Aunt Iris's hands drooped down, clutching onto the dead bouquet limply.

He said. "I know you and Uncle Barry want kids, but mom thought you were just as much as my mom as she is."

Wally was enveloped into a hug.

Aunt Iris whispered. "Thank you, Wally."

Wally wrapped his arms around his aunt. The two shared this moment in silence for a few moments until Wally spoke up again.

"So, is that a yes or a no to the dinner, then?"

Aunt Iris only laughed.

* * *

"Happy Mother's Day, Mom!" Artemis held out an expensive-looking card with several chocolate bars.

"Thank you, Artemis." Paula smiled at the gifts. She blinked and looked at the table. "Artemis, could you get that on the dining table? I don't remember that there before."

Artemis picked up the card and scowled. "From Jade. And there's a check for three-hundred thousand dollars in it."

"Why is that bad?" Paula crossed her arms.

"Well, I'm wondering if we should be calling the police for breaking and entering and there is no way we will be able to cash in this check without anyone getting suspicious."

Paula sighed. "True. Don't throw it out, though. We'll talk to Batman about the check, later. Place the card on the wall, I always loved her handmade gifts."

* * *

Bruce looked at the grave of his mother and placed a large bouquet of roses on the ground in front of her. Another bouquet similar to it was laying on the ground, a little wilted from the previous week.

"Happy Mother's Day." Bruce whispered. "If only you could be here to see Dick. He is your grandson, after all."

Close by, he knew that Alfred and Zatanna were watching Dick imitate Bruce's actions for Mary Grayson's grave. As much as he wanted to, it wasn't possible to move the Graysons close to the Waynes' graves without disturbing other resting tombstones. He was satisfied with being able to have both families be in the same cemetery, though. Another card rested in his pocket, to be dropped off at Leslie's health clinic later. Zatanna and Dick had talked about their late mothers with a little lightheartedness, the pain fading away little by little.

"I'm done." Dick looked somber, but there was a ghost of a smile on his face. Four years of healing and he was starting to treat the day a bit better. Dick told him earlier that he would always miss his mom, but that he knew she would be happy for all the people that took on her role afterwards.

"So, after Leslie, who else is getting a card?" Bruce wrapped an arm around his son's shoulders.

"Dinah, Diana, Selina, Becky, Grace, Trixie." Dick listed off the names with his fingers. "The list is getting longer, I'm forgetting a few."

"Annie, Claire, Rose, and Zelda." Bruce added, the smile growing a little with the memories he shared with those socialites.

"Yeah." Dick smiled.

To those that made an effort in Dick's life.

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** Conner was the second most important character I wanted to write in this chapter, my first attempts at describing his feelings for motherhood didn't go as smoothly and I was questioned over his assumption that Lois Lane was his mom. _We Love Our Two Dads_ was so long ago, now, I am grateful for the review that criticized my bad attempts and even had a conversation through PMs, thank you **Niom Lamboise** , for being my first constructive critic on here. :)

I hope Wally didn't come off insensitive, that is why I ended the scene with Iris laughing. A little twist on what I assume to be the Mother's Day fic for KF by having him appreciate Iris as a mother figure while loving his mom just as equally.

Artemis and Paula would be concerned with the money, nice gestures don't clear up potential problems with cashing in large amounts of cash. Maybe they'll frame it if they can't cash it in.

Dick, I think, is written as being depressed on Mother's Day a lot. And it's not a bad thing, I just think he will be adjusting overtime. Learning to smile on those days more, and loving those who have helped fill the void his mom left in the process. I would like to see this depiction of Dick on Mother's Day as a reconstruction; he is still hurting, but is healing and remembering his mother with a lighter heart. And also having plenty of women be there for him, too.

Socialites that date Bruce and aren't jerks to Dick for just being there would be possible. There is such a thing as breaking up with someone amicably, after all.

Now to write that BH6 Mother's Day fic (spoilers: not angst-fic at all) before the day is out. Thanks for reading, appreciate the loved ones that are your mother, acted like a mother, or have just been motherly in general. Happy Mother's Day!


	11. Cookies

**Author's Note:** I'd like to give a warm thanks to **Alexandria-likethecityinEgypt,** for the warm review in chapter 1 with the perspective she has as a parent. If you're reading this chapter, Alexandria, hope you enjoyed the Mother's Day chapter. This one is very short, I'm afraid, since the topic can't be stretched for long. Please review afterwards for more ideas and suggestions.

* * *

M'gann pulled out another tray of cookies from the over with her mind. She smiled as she examined the latest batch, less dark and more of a golden-brown. Just like the pictures said.

"Yo, Megalicious, are those cookies?" Wally zoomed into view, his face already drooling onto the trays.

"Wally, don't touch them, they're not ready." M'gann scolded right as Wally swiped a cookie from the tray she just pulled out of the over and popped it into his mouth. A moment later…

"HOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOT IT BURNS US!" Wally spat the cookie from his mouth and dashed over to the sink, turned the faucet on and placing his mouth over it for a few moments before spitting out the water.

"Lukewarm." He grumbled.

M'gann sighed and extended her hand out to the freezer, opening the door and pulling out several ice cubes with telekinesis.

"Pleesh don' p't 'n mah mouf, Meg." Wally stuck his tongue out, trying to fan out the burn. "T 'ooks 'eird n 'inky."

"Hold out your hand and stop talking."

Wally complied and felt the ice melting into his hand, tentatively placing one of the cubes on his tongue and rubbing it like a salve.

"Trying to get the bad taste out of your mouth." A snarky voice came from behind.

Wally turned around and saw Red Arrow standing with his arms crossed in front of him. He forgot that the older teen had come earlier to visit.

"He ate a cookie right out of the oven, and I don't appreciate you calling me a bad cook for the 12th time you've been here." M'gann frowned.

"I heard a thing or two about those. Burnt on the outside, burnt on the inside." Red Arrow said.

"Where did you hear _that?_ " M'gann crossed her arms.

"Du'." Wally said with an ice cube in his mouth. "Tat wa' ne 'ime. 'E ot 'etter."

"Try one." M'gann lifted one of the cookies from the tray, the treat floating in midair. "Careful, it's hot."

Red Arrow looked at the cookie floating towards him with suspicion before blowing at it a few times. He took a tentative bite and stopped mid-crunch. He walked away.

Ten minutes later, when M'gann and Wally were looking for burn ointment, all of the cookies had vanished.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Practice makes perfect, and M'gann won't get it right the first time but will learn from her mistakes. I am not ashamed to say that I am a dude who enjoys baking, I'm the only other guy in the family who isn't my father that can cook more than just pasta. I plan on trying some recipes I found on YouTube from Tasty, those videos are short and amazing. Next update will be this Sunday, so stay tuned!


	12. Dating Artemis Crock

**Author's Note:** Yay! Managed to get an update earlier than 9 pm on a Sunday. If any of you have suggestions for cliches that I can work with that don't involve Robin, that would be great. The rest of the Team needs love too. Also, glad to know that other people on here don't appreciate double-standards for cooking, easiest way to lost friends is by assuming cooking itself is girly without considering that men have to live by themselves and sustain themselves through things that do not involve Chinese takeout. Enjoy!

* * *

It was late in the evening, Artemis had trekked her way back to the apartment that she and Wally shared, her backpack bulging with books and binders. She made a mental list of assignments that needed top priority: the English paper on _Atlas Shrugged_ – at least two pages done by the time she was ready for bed – with time to work on that chemistry worksheet dealing with chemical reaction formulas and hopefully spare a moment for that damn reading for Philosophy. If she ever wanted to write theories about what's what, the least she could do was make it so that the language was eligible and had translations for future generations to go by.

CRASH!

Artemis spun at the sound, carefully pulling out her heaviest and most useless book from her bag to use as a weapon. She walked through the kitchen and swapped the book with the rolling pin on the counter, still covered with flour from last night's attempt at making pizza.

She crept carefully, years of training ingrained into her mind like second instinct. Artemis felt someone behind her and swung the rolling pin in that direction. The rolling pin was blocked and Artemis felt a foot shoved into her chest, sending her into flying into the wall.

"Well, looks like you're getting sloppy, little sister." Artemis' older sister, Jade, pulled off her Cheshire mask and tossed the rolling pin into the sink.

"What are you doing here, Jade?" Artemis snarled. "Did dear ol' Dad put a hit on me?"

Jade giggled. "No, silly. I'm here to do something much worse."

 _Dear God, I never thought Jade was one of those_ fate-worse-than-death _kind of villains._ Artemis thought.

"See…I have a problem and you're a part of it. Well, the red-head you're dating is part of it." Jade continued. "And there's this fear in the back of my mind 'What if he tries to take advantage of you through malicious means?' That just won't do it for me."

Artemis stared. "What."

"Your boyfriend. He's a problem." Jade went on. "I'm afraid he'll become abusive and you'll have no way of figuring out how to escape from the relationship and –"

"And you're forgetting that I know how to kill a guy seven different ways with a spoon." Artemis glared. "I can take care of myself and I would appreciate it if you leave."

"No." Jade shook her head sadly. "I'm not going until we have a chat girl-to-girl."

Artemis sighed. "Alright, hold on. Let me just get my bag in my room. It might take a few minutes, there're so many books inside."

Jade huffed. "Fine, but don't take long."

As Artemis pulled up bag off the floor, Jade cleared her throat. "I'll also need to hold onto your phone, just to make sure you don't call the police."

Artemis rolled her eyes. "Paranoid and prepared as usual, sis."

She reached into her back pocket, twisting away from Jade before suddenly throwing her heavy bag at Jade. Jade instinctively ducked and somersaulted over to Artemis before getting a face full of _Atlas Shrugged_ , collapsing on the ground. Artemis sighed and went over to examine her fallen foe, dialing 911 as she did. As she pulled the book off Jade's face, Artemis winced when she saw the blood dripping from her nose.

"Sorry, but you really should have called me." Artemis sighed. She turned her attention to the voice in her ear, the ringing finally ceasing.

"911, what's your emergency?"

"Yeah, I'd like to report breaking and entering. Someone got into my apartment building, my location is 25 Streamer Street, Palo Alto. The intruder is unconscious and I'm worried that they might have a concussion."

"Hold on, miss, we'll be there shortly."

* * *

Wally gently tugged on the leash of his dog, Brucely – a homage to Bruce Lee, Artemis' favorite Kung Fu master – and walked back towards his apartment. On days like today, he was lucky to just sit back and enjoy the little things, even if it meant having to clean up after Brucely. At least he had some time to work on that paper in Renaissance 101 before turning in.

Brucely suddenly started growling. Wally took note of this and tightened his posture, ready for any attack that might come. Drunken muggers were a rarity, but still tried to make the jump on him a few times in the past. He heard something whizzing past him and lifted up Brucely before dodging. Wally had to place the startled dog down after making it a few yards, poor Brucely was heavy!

Wally pulled his phone from his pocket, dialing 911 before he felt it being shot out of his hand. He sighed. _Of course it had to be_ him.

"You there. West. I want words with you about my daughter."

"Which one? The daughter more obsessed with _Alice in Wonderland_ than the Mad Hatter or the daughter whom I am dating and treating respectfully?"

"Don't talk back to me like that, boy!" Sportsmaster snarled.

"Oh sure, use that cliché line that signifies you're a bad parent and therefore have no grounds to say anything about your children. I'll be sure to listen." Wally crossed his arms and gave a smirk in amusement.

Sportsmaster came into view under a street light, wearing his hockey mask and regular outfit like it was casual clothing.

"Oh, and by the way, you're going to have the police here any second now." Wally added. "Just saying."

Sportsmaster chuckled. "So cocky, huh? There's no one here to help you. No friends, nobody."

"Except you're in a neighborhood and there are plenty of college students who watched Friday the 13th and know a guy in a hockey mask is a bad idea."

Just as he was saying this, Wally heard sirens in the distance. He smirked, letting Sportsmaster become startled.

"Really a dumb move, by the way." Wally noted.

"If you hurt my daughter, I'll make sure you never have children!" Sportsmaster declared.

"What part of 'bad parent with no right to tell me how to treat his daughter' did you not hear in this conversation?" Wally pinched his nose.

Sportstmaster ran off, using a smoke-bomb to cover his escape…before getting hit by a police car that couldn't see in the smoke.

* * *

"Jade broke in." Artemis gestured to the mess as Wally came in. "On the bright side, I found a use for _Atlas Shrugged_ outside of college. That's more than you can say about Algebra."

"Yeah, your dad tried pulling one on me, too." Wally rubbed the back of his neck as Brucely rushed up to his other owner in delight. "No offense, Arty, but sixty-six percent of your family is messed up and has weird ways of showing they care."

"If you ever last a third meeting with them over the do's and don'ts about dating me, it means you can marry me." Artemis smiled.

Wally responded dryly. "Again, your family's messed up."

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Why Artemis and Wally would allow Cheshire and Sportsmaster to break in or sneak up on them and attack with the justification that they need to discuss their Spitfire relationship, I'll never know. Shame that the police car had just started speeding up, since Sportsmaster got away and managed to avoid meeting the Gimp a la _Pulp Fiction_.

I figured the name, Brucely, had to be reference to Bruce Lee and not a homage to Gotham City's playboy bunny XD

0.0 Dear Lord, now I can't get the image of Bruce Wayne in a playboy bunny suit out of my head...AHHHH!

Next update is Friday, please review and suggest. Also check out my other stories, they need love! :)


	13. Sisters

**Author's Note:** Here's a little chapter showing an alternate take on Jade's meeting with Artemis. Enjoy!

* * *

Jade unlocked the hatch to the window and slipped inside, being careful to shut if properly before tiptoeing in the small kitchen. She heard the _pitter-patter_ of feet scraping wood and tensed up. Jade reached into her pocket for a small tranquilizer, in case the animal proved to be aggressive towards intruders. The footsteps – or paw steps, in this case – grew closer and closer before a quick "Yip!" was made. Jade didn't flinch and crept through the kitchen towards the sofa. One week of watching her little sister confirmed a rough outline of what times she would be home, and it was certainly going to be soon. She thought of sending a text and brushed it aside, Jade had doubts that Artemis would want to set her up as a contact.

But this was the whole point of the meeting in the first place; if Artemis still wanted Jade in her life, if she still had a sense of sisterhood between the two, then they could begin healing. Maybe it could start with baby steps, little matters in life.

Like boys.

The door creaked open, Jade cleared her throat loudly to spare her sister the shock of discovering her.

"Who's there?" Artemis' voice asked.

"Just me, sis." Jade said quietly.

Artemis came into view, a backpack bulging with books about to burst strapped behind her.

"Before you say anything, I'm not here to fight." Jade raised her hand as Artemis opened her mouth. "I just wanted to talk…about _us_ and if there's a chance we could work things out."

Artemis dropped her backpack with a loud THUD! and crossed her arms, her eyes glaring accusingly.

"Not sure, _sis_." Artemis said. "After all, its 'every girl for herself.' Wouldn't want to ruin family rules and all."

"Would you just give me a chance to explain myself?!" Jade barked suddenly. Artemis flinched and crouched into a fighting position. Jade sighed. "I should have _never_ left you with Dad, I never forgave myself for leaving you alone. And our lines of work don't help, either –"

"I'm not in the hero business anymore." Artemis said in a matter-of-fact tone. "Wally and I left a few months after the incident with Tiamat. It…it was kind of painful, with losing good friends. We just wanted to enjoy normal lives for once."

Artemis' voice became quiet at the end. She dropped her head, probably re-living whatever painful memory that had pushed her into an early retirement.

Jade frowned. She heard about that incident through whispers, but there wasn't much that came of it. Her role in that incident was over and done well before those Justice League Wannabes…no, the Team, if she remembered correctly…before _they_ ended it.

"Should I make some tea?" Jade asked awkwardly. Artemis looked up and stared. Jade sighed. "If…you want me to leave, I underst-"

"No, wait." Artemis said. "I'll get some tea, I know where it is."

Just then, a large dog came strutting in and began barking at Jade. Jade hissed at the creature with a smirk, half-wishing she had been wearing her Cheshire outfit. Artemis rolled her eyes and made her way through the kitchen. Jade swore she saw a little smile on her sister's face before her head turned completely away.

XXX

Artemis didn't want to admit it, but she was a little grateful that Jade made an effort to reach out. It felt…peaceful inside. A large knot was still tight in her stomach, but it loosened a little bit. Then the conversation that began was…unexpected, to say the least. Jade asked a few questions about Wally, nothing that suggested she was going to kill him. She actually felt pity for _him_ as opposed to Artemis herself, as if Wally couldn't handle someone trained to be an assassin at a young age. Knowing that Wally would be home shortly, Artemis walked her sister out the door, Brucely panting close by – he had gotten over the initial hostility – and handed her a snack to munch on. Jade frowned at the offered cheesy chips but accepted them nonetheless.

"Should I expect a call from Dad?" Artemis said, already knowing the answer.

"Doubt it. You're as dead as his targets, now. He's just trying to pretend you don't exist." Jade smirked. "By the way…how would you feel about babysitting?"

Artemis' eyes widened. "What?"

Jade smiled and rubbed her stomach. "Just found out last week. Going to have to cut down on hits when the bump comes in."

Artemis smiled. "Sure."

Jade suddenly glared at her. "Don't expect this ending our feud, I just went to all the trouble of finding you just so my kid has a place to stay."

Artemis chuckled. "Whatever you say."

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Baby steps have to be made in order for wounds to heal, I've been through that and was pretty bitter (and afraid, as I realized later on) for a few months before reconciliation began. Counseling helped a good deal. Artemis will have a hard time forgiving her sister, but she's giving her a chance. And Jade knows that there are limits, so she doesn't want to make threats or endanger any chance at fixing things with her sister. I found this chapter to be sweet until I realized Jade would never outright admit to saying she loved Artemis to her face. Thus, the comment about needing a babysitter was written in, but Artemis knows what a load of BS that is. Thank you all so much for the reviews and suggestions, I am happy to give these cliches some life and jabs.

Zatanna...yep, I was actually thinking about her behavior in my other YJ fics and she needs a little karma. Thanks for suggesting it, **X**. As for the comment about Spirtfire, yeah, I'm fine with the pairing since a good deal of development was made in Season One, but the Time Skip turned me off to the series and from what I gathered, there wasn't a lot of development on the relationship aside from Wally and Arty living together in college. Still a bit sweet, but I respect your opinion on it, Guest whom I cannot address properly on account of having no reply system for guest users.

XD Glad I got some frights from that little comment at the end of last chapter, it IS pretty scary in concept alone.

Thanks for reading, again, next update is Friday this week. Please review :)


	14. Magic

**Author's Note:** **Artemis Raven Courtney:** I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter.

 **X:** Thanks for the review just now, I hope to retain that kind of chemistry for when I get back to writing **Warning Shot**.

I noticed that I didn't get a lot of reviews from last chapter. Then I was reading another fic from the Loud House fandom (never watched the show, but I got curious) where the author, **ThatEngineer** , mentioned having the same problem and blamed it on the timing of the update. So, know I'll try updating earlier in the day. It's hard writing at home in the afternoon, there is just too much background noise. Library is a better workplace.

This chapter is based in the Humorverse, so look for references to **We Love Our Two Dads** and **Halloween Teens**. This was suggested for a cliche and I recalled a review pointing out something similar.

Enjoy!

* * *

 _Knock! Knock! Knock!_

"Come in."

The door slid open, letting Wally into the counseling room. He took in the tranquil sounds of the small water fountain behind one of the seats and sighed. Black Canary sat on one couch, waiting patiently. Wally took a deep breath and walked over to the couch opposite of Canary.

"I'm glad that you set up another appointment with me, Wally." Black Canary smiled. "It's important to touch base on whatever's bugging you."

Wally smiled weakly. "Yeah…didn't think I'd be back here, to be honest."

"So." Black Canary crossed her legs. "Is there anything you'd like to talk about? I know we've been doing this for the past couple of weeks now."

Wally bit his lip. He clenched and unclenched his fists a few times.

"Canary?" He asked. "I think I want to get to the point of why I started coming here again."

Black Canary nodded.

"See…I'm kind of…have you ever felt bullied?" Wally looked down.

"A few times, that's why I took karate when I was younger."

"Have you ever been bullied by someone you thought you could call a friend?" Black Canary's eyes widened at the question.

She bit her lip. "I…I don't know how to answer that, actually. There are people I have personal issues with, but never considered friends. We interacted a few times before I realized that they weren't the ones for me."

"So, how would you feel if this bully were a girl?" Wally asked tentatively.

"Is it Artemis?"

"NO!" Wally stood up and shouted. He blushed when he realized what he had just done. "I mean…Artemis…she's teased me before and maybe whacked me lightly when I said something stupid."

"Is that what she thinks or what you think?" Black Canary asked.

"What I think." Wally answered. "One time, I said something really insensitive near Conner and Megs…and…."

He stopped talking, his voice hitched up. He could still see Artemis being blasted into oblivion, the framing of her skeleton visible for a few brief moments before vanishing. The fire that took him and Robin down, how painful those burns were in just a few seconds…

"Have…have you ever had nightmares about missions gone wrong?" Wally said, not realizing what question he was asking.

"Do you feel comfortable talking about it now?"

Wally shook his head.

"Alright, now back to Artemis. She seems to have stopped this behavior ever since you two got together, right?" Black Canary asked kindly.

"Yeah." Wally said in a high-pitched voice and cleared his throat. "Yeah. It sort of stopped after this one time she saw me with a bloody nose and…and she got scared over how I got it. She didn't know I've been trying to vibrate through walls and assumed the worst. Maybe…maybe she assumed the only thing she could think of."

"I see. So that's when she stopped with the whacks, then?"

Wally chuckled. "The others do it too, she just put in a lot of effort to make sure she didn't hurt me. _Very_ light taps. But, yeah, I think that was when she was more careful. Artemis isn't the problem!"

He said this last bit with an edge in his voice.

"So, is it someone at your school? Has she been making you uncomfortable?"

"No one from school." Wally said. "It's…it's someone on the Team."

"Do you want to give names, or…" Wally nodded.

"Black Canary…is Zatanna supposed to be using her magic on us like that?"

* * *

Robin bowed his head in embarrassment while Batman glared at him with disapproval. Zatanna was in a similar posture.

"I'm very disappointed with the two of you." Black Canary snapped. She pointed to Zatanna. "You, for using magic on Wally _twice_ just because he said he didn't believe in magic."

She pointed at Robin. "And you, for suggesting the second costume."

"They still won first prize on Halloween." Robin mumbled.

"That's not the point." Batman said. "Whatever your justification is, attacking a teammate like that is _not_ an appropriate action to take. Your father would be very disappointed with this abuse of power, Zatanna."

"I…I didn't think it was mean…" Zatanna said lamely. "It was just a joke."

"A joke is funny as long as no one has to suffer. That's when it becomes bullying." Black Canary said. "Wally felt very affected by your little 'jokes'."

"And then there's the Voodoo doll you used on him." Batman growled. Zatanna gulped, remembering the big lecture she got from her father after the gala night. "Would you like it if someone did that to you?"

"No." Zatanna said, her head looking down.

"Since Zatara can't discipline you, Canary and I will have to do so in his place. You were an accomplice of the last prank, Robin, so this also applies to you." Batman continued as Robin sighed. "You are barred from missions until further notice, you will be attending a seminar on bullying and its negative consequences for the next four weeks, and you will both be responsible for cleaning Wolf on bath day."

Zatanna and Robin shuddered. Superboy was the only one who bathed Wolf for a reason.

"Furthermore, you'll both be apologizing to Wally for the stress you put on him." Black Canary said crossly. "Any questions?"

"Yeah." Robin said. "You won't be applying poetic justice to our punishments too, right?"

Batman smirked. "Don't give me ideas."

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Writing this chapter was a little tricky, it started with Wally just trying to talk about his relationship with Artemis before getting to the matter at hand. Then there was supposed to be several similar scenes with other members of the Team, but I couldn't bring myself to demonize Zatanna like that despite how I heard the cliche went. So I just focused on her actions against Wally in my previous stories and how she is dealing with the consequences.

I didn't realize how mean-spirited it was until a review on **Halloween Teens** stated this. It was never my intention to make Zatanna seem cruel, but this is what happens when you apply the Double-Standard for female on male abuse. Zatanna never meant to be mean, first time was just to prove Wally wrong about magic not existing and to get a few giggles. The second time scared Wally and made him reconsider his friendship with Zatanna if she was willing to hold a grudge.

Next chapter is on Sunday. Thanks for reading and be sure to give suggestions and critiques as always.


	15. Hypocritical Rule-Maker

**Author's Note:** Sorry Zatanna and Dick were...dicks, albeit not on purpose or through malicious means. They didn't know any better and will be trying to fix things with Wally in the future (though Dick has it easy, Wally wasn't that mad at him since he knew the Boy Wonder well enough to understand that it wasn't meant to be cruel. Smart or not, Robin in Young Justice demonstrated difficulties interacting with others in the beginning, he was so used to working with Batman that he forgot that he had to communicate with others verbally at times.)

Also wanted to say...wow, at least 1.5k viewers for this story. Impressive. I want to give a hand to everyone that's been reading it.

* * *

Dick stormed into the mansion, Alfred trailing behind helplessly.

"Master Richard, I know you're upset, but this isn't any way you should be-"

"Should be what, Alfred?" Dick shot a glare at him. "Being pissed off, wanting to punch someone? Like anyone my age would?"

"You know exactly what I mean." But Dick doesn't.

"Those jerks were pushing me around and I couldn't do a thing about it. If the others from Mathletes didn't show up, I don't know what would have happened." Dick ranted angrily.

"Such is the consequence of no maturity, those boys had no idea what they were doing." Alfred said calmly. "When Master Bruce comes home, you may discuss it with him."

"That's the problem, Alf, he _won't listen_." Dick snapped, taking his backpack off and flinging it onto the kitchen counter as he walked in. "You know what he's going to say? 'Dick, I know this is hard, but you can't fight in public. Sooner or later, they'll figure out your secret identity. Sorry, chum, but you're going to have to take a few punches. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a business call to make, so I can't be interrupted.' And he won't even care what I have to say, because Bruce likes to pull the 'I'm an adult, so listen to me' card."

Alfred didn't know what was worse; the strong point that Dick came across or the horrible imitation of the Master? Certainly the impression, the voice was too gravelly and the Master only used that voice on a lower intensity when donning the Suit. He couldn't help but agree, Dick shouldn't be dealing with things like this on a regular basis. It was a miracle that other children his age thought so too, and defended the boy whenever they could. Otherwise, Alfred or Leslie had to check bruises and cuts to determine whether or not Dick could go out on patrol. And he would always protest, insisting that he was fine and a few scrapes weren't going to kill him.

That was when the Master would switch to his scowl, famously known for quieting any individual that was trying too hard talking and too little thinking. And Dick would stop talking altogether and just glare at whoever was looking at him.

"Fear not, Master Richard." Alfred said in a reassuring voice. Dick looked at him dubiously. "This time, _I'll_ be there as backup."

The old man felt strong arms wrap around his torso tightly.

"Thanks Alf." Dick whispered.

Alfred chuckled lightly and patted Dick on the shoulder.

* * *

Bruce sat patiently behind the desk while Dick ranted about his day. Alfred stood by quietly, like a shadow.

"-then Jackson punches me in the eye before the cavalry comes in. Mathletes surrounded us and those punks backed off. Someone said that they would report to the principal, and Bette told me that I should do something about it and here we are."

"Before you say anything, Master Bruce." Alfred said as Bruce opened his mouth. "I agree with Master Richard that this nonsense has gone far enough. If you aren't going to let Master Richard take action, the least you could do for him is take action on his behalf like a father should."

Bruce nodded. "You're right, Alfred. I think those punks need to be taught a lesson."

"They should have been taught a lesson a long time ago." Dick grumbled. Bruce frowned.

"Dick, I know you're upset, but-"

"-you can't fight in public. Sooner or later, they'll figure out your secret identity. Sorry, chum, but you're going to have to take a few punches. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a business call to make, so I can't be interrupted." Dick and Alfred said simultaneously. They both looked at each other with wide eyes a moment later.

"If you try to win a free soda by saying 'jinx', Master Richard, I will remind you that it will keep you up all night at this time of day." Alfred said.

"Actually, I was going to say freaky, but that works." Dick shrugged.

Bruce sighed. "Am I really that predictable?"

"Quite, sir."

Bruce stood up. "Ok. Dick, I'm going to be changing topics now, so don't be surprised. You've been jumping the gun a few times on patrol recently. It's becoming a problem."

"What?!"

"Last week, you ignored my orders and almost got captured by the Penguin during a stakeout. If he hadn't been startled, you would have been filled with bullets in that moment."

"That's not true." Dick protested. "You were a second slower than I was, you said your leg was cramping up for a moment. I did _not_ disobey orders!"

"Are you calling me a liar?" Bruce's voice dripped with irritation. "I remember that evening specifically because I had an outside perspective of the situation. There were three other men stationed to guard the Penguin that you ignored, each of them had a gun on you before you got the drop on them first."

"That's because I used a smoke bomb-"

"And then you forgot to handcuff them-"

"They were all unconscious, I checked-"

"One more outburst, and you're off patrol for the night!" Bruce said warningly.

Dick bit his lip hard enough to draw a little blood.

"That's it, you're grounded."

"WHAT?! But I didn't say anything!" Dick shouted.

"You did now!" Bruce countered. "Dick, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Now. Unless you want to be grounded for a month instead of just for tonight."

Dick remained silent, his eyes turning a little red. Alfred looked at him with sympathy.

"Master Bruce-" Alfred began, but Bruce held a hand out to silence the butler.

"Now if you'll both excuse me, I have a business call to make." Bruce said before ushering them out the door.

"I don't get it, Alfred." He heard Dick's voice cracking. "I didn't even say anything."

"I don't know, sir, but I will deal with him later. Come along, now. Some tea might do us both some good."

* * *

The curtains hung limply. All lights were off in the bedroom, only the light pollution of the city and dimly-lit moon in the background allowed even the slightest chance of vision.

Something stirred, a figure asleep in the bed. Jackson, sandy-brown hair, rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and lazily looked at the alarm clock on his nightstand. In his exhausted state, he could read 2:05 in the morning before closing his eyes again.

He tried to ignore the discomfort – that was the last time he would try nursing a headache with water before bed – and rolled over in his comforter. It wasn't until he registered the sound of a window being pulled open that Jackson opened his eyes again, this time, putting a little more effort into keeping them from closing again.

Jackson pushed himself into a sitting position and looked at the source of the sound. All three windows were closed, but he could feel a faint hint of cold air in the room now. Like a ghost was prowling nearby. That was when he felt something breathing down his neck.

A large, gloved hand covered his mouth as he screamed.

"Not a smart idea." A gravelly voice whispered into his ear.

Jackson felt his body turn to ice.

"Now that I have your attention, I want to discuss something with you. I've been hearing how you and your friends have been harassing a kid by the name of Dick Grayson. It ends. Now. If I hear you've been going back on our deal, I will find you. Do you understand what I just said?"

All he could do was nod.

"Good."

The gloved hand disappeared and Jackson could breathe again. He felt relieved, so relieved….he looked down at his sheets.

"Shit!" Jackson moaned.

Definitely not going to be drinking water before bed again.

* * *

Dick slammed his locker shut a little more roughly than he'd like, but everything he could get his hands on was a potential punching bag.

Being grounded from patrol just for biting down a remark?! What has gotten into Bruce? He followed orders pretty well, thank you very much! So why did he have to get on Dick's case over something that he never bothered criticizing him for until yesterday?

He heard footsteps behind him, coming closer, but he ignored them.

 _I hope Alf got through to Bruce last night._ Dick thought. _He's the only one who has a chance at making the Dark Knight see_ sense _._

If Dick ever took to consideration that footsteps coming towards him potentially spelled trouble, he would have looked to see who it was and make the appropriate action. If he did and saw Jackson coming towards him like the Angel of Death, Dick would have thrown all rules out the window and got into a fighting stance. And if he noticed that Jackson _didn't_ notice that there were witnesses in the hallway, Dick would have played it smart.

Unfortunately, he was too preoccupied with his frustration at Bruce to notice the hand gripping his shoulder like a vice grip until it spun him around and pushed him against the lockers like a bad cliché.

"Do you want to know what happened to _me_ last night, Grayson?" Jackson hissed, shadows under his eyes.

"Um…had dinner, did some homework and went to bed?" Dick played the innocent rich kid as well as he could, the urge to rip Jackson to shreds becoming stronger.

Jackson laughed loudly, drawing attention to other students, who began to watch carefully in case something happened.

 _They have seen this scene play out at least five times this month!_ Dick thought angrily. _Why aren't they_ doing _something?!_

"Close, Grayson. Except you missed one thing."

"And what would that be?" Dick asked cautiously. He felt a fist in his gut.

"Don't play dumb, nerd!" Jackson snarled. "I had a little visitor sneak into my room last night. Three guesses who."

"A burglar?"

Pain spread across his shoulders.

"Your girlfriend?" Dick gasped.

Knuckles grazed across his face.

"One more guess and you better think hard, Grayson." Jackson said warningly.

 _Okay, clearly he expects me to know something, but what? Think, Grayson! What would he connect you with that happened last night?_ Dick then remembered Bruce from yesterday, and suddenly, the random accusation and grounding made a little more sense now.

He must have shown the realization on his face, because Jackson sneered at him. "Oh, so you _do_ know, then?"

"Batman?" Dick snaked one of his hands towards the hand pinning him to the locker, hoping Jackson wouldn't see.

"He used your name." Jackson whispered threateningly. "I had no idea why until an hour ago. Why would Batman go to all the trouble of bothering some random kid in Gotham that hasn't committed any crime? Then it hit me; he said Grayson. He _knew_ you. Batman never does favors like that, as far as I know. That only meant one person."

Jackson chuckled darkly. "For the World's Greatest Detective, that was a pretty stupid move."

"You have no proof." Dick said, trying to keep his breath level like he was taught. He could feel his face growing hot, and the anger flared up inside of him until he began seeing red.

His hand edged closer to Jackson's, while Dick silently cursed the bystanders for not doing something. He thought he saw someone leave, but they might have become bored.

"Are you willing to test that theory, _Boy Wonder_?" Jackson whispered.

"You talk, and everyone will think you've been harassing one of the few people keeping this city safe." Dick said coldly.

He didn't know where that came from, but Dick realized that it was the truth. One of the protectors of Gotham, one who kept to the darkness like a shadow. Never staying around long enough for a thank you most of the time. The hero that never asked for anything in return.

Some people began whispering, and Dick wondered how loudly he said that. Jackson actually looked shocked, now, unconsciously loosening the pressure he placed on Dick's shoulder. Dick used that opportunity to kick him in the groin – _Why didn't I think of that earlier?!_ – right as a teacher came rushing in with Bette trailing behind.

"Krei! What is going on?" The teacher, Mr. Brooks, said as he got in-between Jackson and Dick.

"Nothing, sir." Jackson wheezed out, his hands clutching his groin as he slid to the ground.

Mr. Brooks turned on Dick. "What happened, Grayson?"

"Um…Jackson was threatening me and I kicked him in the jewels, sir." Dick said sheepishly.

* * *

Bruce just finished a business call when he heard the door slam open. He looked up to see a red-faced Dick followed by a harried-looking Alfred.

"Master Richard, I'm sure Master Bruce will explain himself if you just-"

"YOU HYPOCRITE!" Dick shouted before lunging at Bruce. Bruce didn't have much time to react, allowing Dick to drag both of them to the ground and land a couple of punches before Bruce caught a first and reversed positions so Dick was the one on the ground with Bruce pinning him there.

"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!" Dick continued, struggling against Bruce's pin. "YOU TELL ME I CAN'T DEFEND MYSELF AS DICK GRAYSON, AND THEN GO OUT AS BATMAN AND ATTACK SOME JERKS FROM MY SCHOOL?!"

Bruce was caught off guard. "I thought you would be grateful."

"Yeah, maybe." Dick growled. "If you; A) Didn't enforce the ruling on me and B) Didn't do what you did last night! Jackson figured out who you and I were, and then I found out some other kids got a more _impressionable_ lesson too! People know who I am now, thanks to your stupid plan! And I almost got massacred until I fought back!"

"You what?!" Bruce said coldly.

"I. Fought. Back." Dick landed a kick at Bruce's stomach, freeing the boy and allowing him to clasp his hands around the older man's neck. "If I didn't, I'd have to go to Leslie. _Again_."

"Master Bruce….ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR BLOODY MIND?!" Alfred shouted. Bruce stopped trying to push Dick off and just lay on the ground, stunned. Alfred Manners-And-Etiquette Pennyworth was shouting _and_ swearing at him?!

Alfred took a deep breath and continued in a colder tone. "You have invented a new kind of stupid, a damage you can never undo kind of stupid, an open all the cages in the zoo kind of stupid. 'Truly, you didn't think this through?' kind of stupid!"

"Hm." Dick muttered as he loosened his grip on Bruce's neck and stood up. "Someone should make a song out of that."

Alfred shot a disapproving glare at the boy, whom chose to remain quiet. He looked at Bruce and continued. "So, when Master Richard was assaulted by several peers at Gotham Academy, your response was that he shouldn't risk exposing his identity. And when he actually defends himself, you have the gall to be pissed at him…when you had just threatened the same kids who harassed him the night previous. Did it ever occur to you that your little stunt would backfire?"

Bruce didn't say anything.

Alfred continued. "The whole point of your plan was to make sure that no one figured out that you and Master Richard lead double lives. But when you stepped in, it wasn't with the intelligence, planning, and foresight as Batman, but rather with the intelligence, planning, and foresight of Bruce Wayne: Billionaire Playboy."

"I dropped the act a few years ago, Alfred." Bruce rubbed his neck gingerly. "No one would take me seriously when I got into serious matters."

"And now, they won't take seriously the act of Bruce Wayne: Business Man. No doubt, those ruffians will have told their parents about your actions last night and seek out retribution."

"They were supposed to back off from Dick."

"Then why didn't you contact the school and parents about this problem, then?" Alfred raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"I…" Bruce said before closing his mouth.

Dick glared at him. "You stupid hypocrite."

And then, he stormed off.

Bruce sighed. "I really screwed up, didn't I?"

"Quite the understatement, _sir_." Alfred said briskly before walking out of the office.

* * *

"Dad, I'm telling you, Dick Grayson is Robin!" Jackson said for the third time that night.

Jackson's father rolled his eyes and continued talking with his wife about how his day went.

Jackson felt like quite the idiot now. Nobody outside of his group of friends is buying the 'Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson are the Dynamic Duo' claim. Grayson was right, he realized with bitterness. There was no proof to back him up, so why would anyone else believe him?

Anyone who _did_ manage to listen automatically called him an asshole and a bastard for hurting someone that's been risking their life so frequently to keep the city safe from criminals.

Otherwise, they would think he were crazy or drinking – his parents checked his blood for any alcohol before contemplating a psychologist – and ignore him.

And to make things worse, he was grounded for constant harassment and bullying Grayson. Wayne must had grown a brain if he made that phone call. Now he had two pissed-off parents to deal with who were viewing Jackson as a delinquent.

* * *

Bruce rapped on the door quietly. If this didn't work, he didn't know what else to do.

"Get out!" Dick's voice sounded muffled on the other side, which might be considered an accomplishment since the door itself was thick.

"Dick, please let me come in." Bruce said quietly, his lips almost pressing against the door.

"No! I don't want to hear your excuses!"

"I'm sorry for what I did, I realized that it was stupid of me to be a hypocrite and cause more trouble. All I could think about was giving those punks a taste of their own medicine."

"That's why you made such a big deal about last week, then? You knew I would argue back and grounded me so I wouldn't get involved." Dick shouted through the door before Bruce heard coughing on the other side.

Panicking, Bruce pushed the door open, thankful that it wasn't locked.

 _He was_ waiting _for me to come in._ Bruce realized as he entered.

He expected to see Dick on the ground with tears in his eyes, but Bruce instead just saw the same boy coughing and clearing his throat before looking up, about to shout again when he saw that Bruce got into the bedroom.

"Get out." Dick said coldly.

"I admit I was wrong, Dick." Bruce said. "You have every right to be mad, but can we talk about this a little?"

"No. Get out. Now." Dick's voice quarreled no argument.

Bruce wanted to ignore his wishes, but he realized that it would just prove Dick's point further. That his opinion and needs didn't matter that much to Bruce. Instead, he nodded in defeat and walked out.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** I know I mentioned this before, but I always hated how Bully Fics sometimes ended with Bruce intervening as Batman. When I was talking to **Alexandria-likethecityinEgypt** , I realized that I could address the issue by pointing out what Bruce could have done coupled with the consequences of attacking kids as Batman, regardless of their bullying nature or not.

Dick would be more pissed than touched because Bruce had broken a rule that he insisted that Dick follow during school hours (no fighting that can connect you with your identity). And the bullies would be wondering "Why would Batman go to all the trouble of scaring us for that Grayson kid?" They would connect the dots in no time...however, that doesn't mean that anyone would believe them. Those who did were pissed that they knew the secret ID of Robin and were still bullying one of the few people that made Gotham a little safer each night (or as many times as a 13 year-old could handle before collapsing from exhaustion.

Honestly, the writers who create these stories are demonstrating a double standard "Do as I say, not as I do" with this.

In case it hasn't been made clear, Bruce knew he was a second slow when dealing with the Penguin, he knew that Dick would get defensive and used it as an excuse to keep him off patrol so he could handle the bullies by himself. Didn't help his case, it might take a few weeks before Dick and Alfred stop seeing him as a hypocritical moron.

Kind of a depressing ending, huh. I've done a couple of those in a row now, but that's what happens when you try applying as many cliches as you can into one-shots. Next one will be a lot lighter and funnier, promise. See you on the 2nd of June.

Please review and suggest as always! :)


	16. English Nazi

**Author's Note:** As promised, here is a lighter chapter to get your minds off the heavy subject matters prior. Enjoy!

* * *

"Hey Kaldur." Rachel reclined in one of the seats in the Cave. Kaldur looked at her. "You doing okay?"

"I am fine." Kaldur smiled. "I appreciate the concern, though. Any particular reason?"

Rachel sat up straight. "Well, M'gann keeps asking how we're doing…and I don't know what she's talking about."

Kaldur frowned. "I'm afraid I do not understand. How _we're_ doing?"

"I think she thinks we're together."

"Why?"

Rachel grinned. "Maybe cause I kissed you on New Year's?"

"It was on the cheek." Kaldur said.

"Exactly, I didn't want to be left out of the kissing….which was pretty simultaneous if you ask me." Rachel saw the confused look on Kaldur's face and waved her hands frantically. "That not there's anything wrong with that!"

"Hello my friends, may I ask what you are both discussing?"

Kaldul and Rachel turned their heads at the sound and saw Wally grinning at them while chomping on a bag of potato chips.

"It's rather odd that both of you have stopped speaking." Wally continued. "May I ask what is the matter?"

Kaldur glowered at him. "Are you mocking me?"

Wally's face went pink with surprise. "No! I'm rather concerned with the silence and change in attitude, Kaldur. Simply a friendly question that-"

Kaldur lunged at Wally and pinned him to the ground. Rachel moved to break them apart, but struggled against Kaldur's strength.

"WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY FRIEND?!" Kaldur demanded in a loud voice.

"Might I ask what the problem is?" Conner walked in, his arms crossed and a frown on his face.

"Wally started talking really formal like he's some kind of English gentlemen and-" Rachel said before she stopped. "You're talking weird, too."

"Am I?" Conner raised an eyebrow. "I thought this was how I have always spoken. Where have you been? We were all concerned for your safety."

Rachel slowly took a few steps back, not sure if Conner was joking or not. She reached out in her mind, trying to get M'gann to sense her and link up. _M'gann, where are you? Weird shit's going down._

 _I would appreciate the disuse of swear words, Rachel, it isn't proper and rather rude._ Rachel's eyes widened with horror at the scolding tone she heard in her mind. Either she was going crazy or M'gann was. Neither prospect was appealing to her.

"Don't worry, you're not going crazy." Artemis' voice called out from the Zeta tube, where she was watching this happen. "And get off Wally, Kaldur, you're going to hurt him."

"I must agree with my friend, Artemis." Artemis' eyes widened and she slapped her forehead.

"Dear God, help us all." She moaned. "I thought Wally was bad enough."

Wally looked up at her with a hurt expression.

"I'm not saying you're bad company." Artemis huffed. "I meant it was bad enough that you were talking super-fancy."

"What is the meaning of this nonsense?" Zatanna walked in with a glare on her face. "I am attempting to enjoy-"

"WHY ARE YOU ALL TALKING LIKE YOU'RE OUT OF SENSE AND SENSIBILITY?!" Rachel screamed. Conner winced at the loud noise; Rachel remembered that he had super hearing and winced in sympathy.

"Is someone talking about _Sense and Sensibility_?" M'gann's voice echoed off the Cave's walls. "I certainly love that book!"

Rachel looked at Artemis and Kaldur. "On three, we all run. Agreed?"

She clamped her mouth shut in horror while Artemis and Kaldur ran for the Zeta Tube, right as Robin was walking in.

"Robin, if you start speaking too properly, I will murder you on the spot!" Artemis threatened.

"Ouch! Death threats already, Arty?" Artemis sighed in relief at the sarcastic response. Robin continued with a huff. "I must say, you are not acting like a level-headed individual like one should expect from you."

Artemis screamed in horror while Robin cackled. "Just pulling your leg, Arty? But seriously, why are you screaming?"

"Everyone in the Cave is speaking similar to me." Kaldur explained. "None of this is within character and Rocket is succumbing to the insanity!"

"I can still talk normal, you guys." Rachel said with an edge in her voice. She gestured to the others surrounding her. "I'm not an English zombie like those guys are."

"Why must you call us zombies?" Conner said in a hurt tone. "Is it because I prefer watching the channel with static on? It's rather soothing for my mind, I will tell you."

"Okay, let's get out of here!" Robin headed back inside of the Zeta tube while Rachel ran after them.

"Friends, come back!" M'gann flew in with a tray of grilled cheese sandwiches. "I have made you all a tasty snack that offers no sugar in it."

"I'll pass, M'gann, but thanks for the offer." Artemis called after her before disappearing within the Zeta tube's light."

Kaldur and Rachel followed suit, but not before Rachel showed them all the middle finger.

Everyone else looked at where the four left in silence.

Wally broke it by breaking into chuckles, which devolved into laughter. M'gann started giggling while Conner and Zatanna snorted under their breath.

"I told you we could scare them like that." Wally said in-between laughs. "Kaldur's gonna be pissed at us, later, though."

"Worth it." Zatanna said as she collapsed on the ground in laughter.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Not sure if this is a cliche or not, but there have been a few fanfics where everyone just starts talking so proper. Words like rather or within are used by people like M'gann or Conner and they've demonstrated more relaxed phrases...or is the term I'm looking for, realistic? Anyhow, it takes away from a story, so in combination to giving Rocket and Aqualad a bit more of a role in this chapter, I made them one of the few to realistically react to the odd diction used by their peers.

Also brushed on their shipping (Rocket was added to the Team in the last two episodes of Season 1, which is annoying because it was last minute), they knew each other for two days at best, so I think Rocket just gave a peck on the cheek to make sure Kaldur wasn't left out of the love.

Sorry again about the heavy chapters, this was the reason I had to change the genre from Humor to Humor/Drama. Some of this stuff can't really get much laughs and it needs to be addressed. Love the thoughtful reviews, I'm touched by what you guys wrote.

 **Zez** , I'm glad you like this story. I hope I won't let you down. :)

Next update is Sunday, June 4th. See you then!


	17. Lex Luthor: Stalking His Son

**Author's Note:** Thank you, everyone who reviewed on Friday. Yes, I realized through your comments and a little digging that Rocket's name is Raquel and not Rachel. Sorry. This chapter was weak and I am pretty tired, so I couldn't really get a lengthy one written. This chapter focuses on the cliche of Lex Luthor trying to bond with Conner/Superboy.

* * *

A limo drove up in front of Happy Harbor High School, right as two teens, a boy with black hair and a girl with auburn hair next to him, were walking along the sidewalk. The boy didn't seem so surprised, in fact, he already looked a bit tense when the driver was pulling up several blocks away, if his eyes weren't deceiving him.

In the passenger's seat, the window rolled down, revealing a bald man flashing a bright – but thin – smile at the boy, while utterly ignoring the girl next to him.

Unfortunately, the limo was automatically swarmed with students who hadn't been out of Happy Harbor before and therefore, have yet to see a limousine up close. This irritated the bald man, who tried to shoo them away. The boy and girl began walking away.

"What is he doing here?" The girl asked. "I thought he wasn't speaking to you, Conner."

Conner muttered back. "I want to know how he got a limo to drive all the way from Metropolis."

"Driver!" The bald man barked. "Clear these idiots away, I'm trying to-"

"Hey mister, where did you come from?"

"Are you a movie star?"

"You look like that guy from that movie that just came out about how Facebook was made. Except less young."

"Jesse Eisenberg?!" A girl screamed. "Oh my God, I loved you in that movie!"

Now the bald man who was NOT Jesse Eisenberg was trying not to murder anyone…in public. He turned to the woman sitting next to him and said.

"Mercy, clear out these idiots non-lethally."

As it turned out, "non-lethal" was still enough for the bald man, Lex Luthor, to get charged with destruction of public property when it was discovered that the crazy "sexy" robot in question belonged to him.

The boy, Conner, and his friend, M'gann, got contacted by Luthor again, claiming that he wanted to know his own "son"…until they both called the Justice League and scared him away.

Luther was then charged with stalking and harassment, the cherry on top of an annoying day.

"Mother always said I wouldn't make a good parent…" Luthor grumbled to himself.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Since chronologically, YJ takes place in 2010 in Season 1, _The Social Network_ had to be referenced somehow while hinting at _Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice_. Never saw the later film and never will, but will try seeing _Wonder Woman_. It looks promising and less grim (dark does not make for better story telling). Sorry again about the weak chapter. See you Friday with the next chapter unless I post sooner. :)


	18. Young What?

**Author's Note** : Sorry for updating so late in the day, I had other things to worry about and was more focused on my BH6 fanfic that has reached almost 7k words for the third chapter. I think I'm getting better at this.

* * *

The first time it happened, it was after their first mission de-briefing when Batman was pressing for details about Bane and what he was doing there.

"We are lucky to be alive, sir." Kaldur nodded towards Batman as a sign of respect. "Planning should have occurred before we jumped into the scene. The first half was dealing with who was to be leader."

"And the second half was dealing with how a Xenomorph could lose to a fight against a Venom-powered Bane." Robin said dryly while looking at Miss Martian and Kid Flash, the culprits. Kid Flash had been teaching M'gann about the _Alien_ franchise and had made the mistake of comparing him to Bane. M'gann, having come from a strong race of Martians, said that someone like Bane would be killed by a Xenomorph with no problem. Robin countered by stating that his experience with fighting Bane while the man was on Venom have made him rethink that belief. Kid Flash decided by that comment alone – which Robin wished he had never said in the first place – that Bane was automatically stronger.

And thus, Miss Martian and Kid Flash had spent time in-between silences to make short, but strong points. Long before Kaldur thought of using a mind-link, and then was forced to deal with differing thoughts on the way back where the debate became more heated. It finally stopped when Superboy screamed for everyone to stop talking.

Robin asked if he meant to say stop thinking and almost got punched in the face for his troubles.

Batman glared at Kid Flash, who looked down sheepishly, while M'gann blushed red.

"As a team, you need to put personal issues aside for the sake of the mission. Young Justice cannot-"

He was interrupted by Kid Flash bursting into giggles. Batman glared at him until he was quiet.

"As I was saying, Young Justice cannot let personal issues get in the way of the mi-"

Kid Flash broke into louder laughter now.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Kid Flash wiped away a tear of mirth. "Could you say that one more time, so I know what the trigger is?"

"Young Justice-"

"That's the one!" Kid Flash declared before rolling on the floor with laughter. "It sounds – ha! Ha! Ha!- so STUPID! – ha!ha!ha!"

No one but Kid Flash complained when he had to do the bulk of the report by himself.

The second time it happened, it was during a reconnaissance mission in Chicago, investigating a drug bust that was rumored to be distributing Venom to its buyers. Artemis was posing as a potential buyer, while Robin was to play the part of a kid that was to be influenced into buying the same stuff.

It did not end well.

"Hey, don't I know you from somewhere?" A man wearing a skull cap peered at Robin's face, his sunglasses had just been knocked off and his face exposed.

 _CRAP!_ Robin mentally screamed.

He sensed M'gann's pain from the high volume and gulped.

"Haven't I seen you on the news, before?"

"Naw." Robin waved him off with a grin, thinking of all of the training scenarios that he went through with Bruce. "Always have been TV shy."

 _Kaldur, Artemis. I need back up!_

 _Understood._ Kaldur channeled his thoughts into Robin's mind through the mind-link.

 _Alright! Go Young Justice!_ Garfield Logan, now going as Beast Boy, cheered from his side of the mind-link. Unable to pose as a potential kid to corrupt and sway towards drugs, he could only disguise himself as a toad inside of Robin's pocket to help him pass as an oddball.

His cheer, however, made Robin start to giggle. The drug dealer glared.

"Something funny, brat?" He growled.

Robin chuckled. "No, just wondering if that officer is really arguing over Batman and Superman with his buddy."

He was grabbed by his collar and pulled close to the drug-dealer's face. Beast Boy decided to hop out of the front pocket he was resting in and landed on the drug-dealer's face. Robin punched him in the stomach, pulled Beast Boy off, and ran as fast as he could, doing his best to cover his face from other witnesses.

 _Way to almost blow our cover, Garfield!_ Robin snapped.

 _You were the one that giggled._ Beast Boy countered.

 _Yeah, but who was the one that_ made _me laugh?_

 _What am I, the Joker?_

 _Will you two old ladies quit yammering?_ Rocket snapped. _We have a mission to deal with._

Alright, _Rachel._ Garfield put a good deal of effort into mentally sighing as loud and dramatically as he could.

 _My name is Raquel!_

The third time it happened was during a fight against Queen Bee after she caught them sneaking about in her palace.

"You cannot touch me, I am a diplomat!' She declared.

Blue Beetle sighed. "Have you _ever_ seen _Lethal Weapons 2_? We could just shoot you if you try to kill us."

 _Yes, kill her and feast on her organs!_ The Scarab goaded Jamie on.

"Shut up!" Blue Beetle hissed quietly.

"It would be a shame if you did that." Queen Bee looked at Blue Beetle with a look of faux-pity. "Then the rest of the world would see Young Justice as-"

Impulse and Robin – the latter was unexpected – began snorting under their breath. Queen Bee glared at the pair, one look was all it would take for the guards to pull their triggers and end them all right then and there. She waited patiently for them to stop the laughter before speaking again.

"As I was saying." Queen Bee continued with a hint of anger. "The world would then see Young Justice as-"

Impulse cackled loudly. "Oh my God, KF was right! The name sounds _so_ stupid!"

"The world will know Young-"

Wonder Girl began laughing loudly, clutching her sides in an effort to keep herself upright and failing miserably. Even the Scarab began to chuckle, though that was also nightmarish for Jamie to listen to. The sounds that a Scarab made when it laughed was something no sane human should ever listen to.

"Guards!" Queen Bee shouted. "Kill the intruders-"

" _Ezeerf!_ "

Queen Bee and her guards were frozen in place, her mouth still gaping open as a fly buzzed into it. She could still move her eyes, and they widened with horror as they saw the small speck of green as it went inside of her mouth. She felt something bite her tongue a few times, an irritation that needed attention, but she could only scream on the inside as the green insect grew large and furry and tasted something sour going down her throat. She screamed louder in her mind and even louder when she heard someone inside her head.

 _Would you stop it? I could hear that and I wasn't trying to read your mind!_

 _Martian Girl, call off this brat before-_

 _Before what? Your mouth becomes numb?_ Now the rest of Young Justice was cackling as her in her misery.

 _Oh for the love of Gods of Mars! That's not our name!_

 _What are you talking about, Green Freak?!_ Queen Bee screamed in her mind as the back-stabbing promise breaker. _Why are you denying something so obvious?_

 _Because it doesn't sound as great as the Justice League when you say it out loud and we go by the Team, obviously. Who told you we called ourselves that?_

Queen Bee thought as calmly as one could when one had tasted urine being poured down her throat and in all likelihood, was facing the risk of vomiting if her gag reflex hadn't also been frozen. Then she felt two things happen; the furry pest that turned back into a fly and had bit her upper lip two times before flying off….and today's soup coming out of her stomach as she flushed her system clean.

 _I am going to kill Psimon once he comes back here._ Queen Bee declared. The green Martian Girl decided to get the last word in before breaking her mental connection to her.

 _Yeah, good luck with that._

* * *

 **Author's Note** : Reading someone say the words "Young Justice" just makes me want to groan. Or laugh. Thankfully, the Team did mostly option B for me. Batman isn't that social, he would make the occasional blunder of saying a stupid name outloud. Robin was supposed to be the one that argued over the Alien franchise, but I thought that it was a bit too OOC, so I swapped him with your favorite Speedster in yellow.

A part of me still thinks that the method of Beast Boy getting payback was a bit immature and bound to backfire. Not to mention, not a good way of getting closure. But there isn't much that Queen Bee can do to get revenge that wouldn't put her at risk of exposing her activities of transporting teens with the potential meta gene.

I dropped a reference of We Love Our Two Dads within this chapter, see if you can find it.

Next update on Sunday will be a bit longer and more story oriented, I swear. These past few chapters were meant to be a breather from the heavier stuff. I'd say this was the funniest, even if the humor at the end was a little immature. And this is coming from a guy who hates those kinds of comedies.

Thanks for reading :)


	19. Captured: The Joker

**Author's Note:** I am so sorry for the long absence. Life got in the way. Events, work, etc. I don't want to go into detail about those things.

 **Bored321** , thank you for your constructive criticisms. I appreciate them. I just wanted to comment on your review for Chapter 15. I acknowledge that Bruce was acting idiotic, but that was the entire point of the chapter and some of these stories in this fic. On Archive, **Smile-I'mTheEndOfAllThatYouSee** said something similar about the Sportsmaster characterization and I replied with, and I quote:

"Sometimes, I like to have the characters act in a way that is similar to the cliches to make it more obvious and show how badly they'll mess up. If each chapter was spent having characters talking about how much of a bad idea - roll credits - each plot would be, then it would be pretty boring. It just doesn't have much entertainment value if you have characters - whom we refer to as Fixer Sues on TV Tropes - explain why something is bad and stupid and have others agree automatically."

I made Batman an "unthinking fop" on purpose, because I wanted Dick to call him out on it and to go in further detail what type of consequences could occur from that behavior. That being said, I appreciate your review on it and understand. I just wanted to explore that possibility further in a story rather than just say it's stupid.

Whether or not I explore that one-shot further is still to be determined, since I don't want it to fall into similar cliches in the fandom.

Last thing before the story: 91 reviews in 18 chapters? YES! After this chapter, **Bad Idea** will officially be my most popular work in views and reviews. It's high time **We Love Our Two Dads** was a thing of the past (I still appreciate the attention it got when I started off, thanks to everyone who review it!)

This chapter focuses on the "Joker Tortures the Team" cliche. Enjoy!

* * *

"Team. Go." Aqualad commanded. The remaining seven: Robin, Superboy, Kid Flash, Artemis, Zatanna, Miss Martian, and Rocket dispatched themselves, going in pairs of two, one to act as defense while the other acted as offense.

And so; Robin and Rocket, Miss Martian and Artemis, Superboy and Zatanna, and Aqualad and Kid Flash snuck into the warehouse in Gotham, where their target was. There were rumors that the Joker had a new ally. Whether or not this was true and whether or not the ally was a familiar enemy or a new force to be reckoned with was the basis for the mission. Batman and Robin managed to collect intel that pinpointed where the Joker would be and that his new ally would be there too. Identifying and analyzing the target was essential.

Batman had stressed many times during the briefing that the Joker was beyond dangerous.

"If he's so dangerous, then why haven't you handled him yet?" Artemis had asked.

"That's not important –" Batman began.

Rocket cut in. "And why hasn't he been given the death penalty?"

Batman glared at her. "That would be extreme –"

"Yeah, if it were someone else." Rocket countered. "I mean, he's killed like what, eight-hundred thousand people in total so far?"

"Eight-hundred and forty-two thousand, three-hundred and fifty-two." Robin correctly quietly. Everyone stared at him. "What?"

"Are you agreeing with us?" Rocket asked incredulously.

"Maybe…"

"Yeah, I don't understand why the Joker's still alive after everything he's done." Kid Flash added. "Don't terrorists get a 'Shoot to Kill' order if the body counts high enough?"

"That's enough!" Batman snapped before giving everyone in front of him the Bat-Glare.

"Doesn't automatically make us wrong, you know." Robin muttered angrily.

"Alright, briefing is over." Black Canary stepped in with a smile on her face. "Team, you know what to do. And as for you –"

She turned to Batman.

"I think we need to have a little chat about the points the Team just brought up."

Batman began walking away. "That's nice, but I have a lot to do and –"

Black Canary grabbed him by the Bat-Ear and began pulling him in her direction. "Cancel everything for today and reschedule. You're the leader of the Justice League, after all, it shouldn't be that hard."

Even Aqualad had a difficult time dissuading himself of what the others had mentioned. Letting the Joker live? It didn't make much sense. Criminals in Atlantis in that similar extreme were punished to the fullest that the law could fulfill: Death or exile.

They were too close for verbal communication now, Aqualad nodded to Miss Martian, who mentally linked everyone up, allowing Aqualad to give orders without giving away their position.

 _Alright, Robin. Hack the security frame. Artemis, locate guards if any and dispatch them non-lethally. Kid Flash, check the perimeter for any openings that we could use and Zatana, help Kid Flash-_

 _NO!_

Aqualad flinched at the loud thought coming from Kid Flash. One downside to using mind-links was that you were in-tune with the emotions of others within the connection. He could feel the fear radiating off the young Speedster, so different from the aura of confidence and cockiness that he displayed. Artemis sent out a mental image of an embrace, possibly meant for Kid Flash if the decrease in fear and panic was an indicator.

 _I understand your reluctance, Kid._ Aqualad channeled his thoughts calmly. _But there are going to be times where we have to work with those we would rather avoid._

 _Why can't Rocket help me, then?_ Kid Flash let loose a flash of anger, with a tinge of satisfaction when everyone he was targeting flinched.

 _What are you suggesting?!_ Rocket snapped.

 _N-nothing!_ Wally said.

 _I'll go with you, KF._ Robin said. _I could use someone fast._

 _Um…no thanks._ Wally said sheepishly. _You're our hacker and I can't do much against these psychos in your city_

 _And he needs_ me _as a guard._ Rocket added. _My bubbles are indestructible, remember? Bird-Boy'll be safe and sound._

Aqualad could sense discomfort from Robin's perspective in the mind-link. He could only get glimpses of what the boy was feeling. If he wanted to send a mental image of an embrace to Kid Flash like Artemis did, he was too reluctant to do so.

Zatanna was different, she was radiating with guilt and sorrow in the mind-link, a feeling that has grown worse since Kid Flash refused to work with her. As team leader, it was his duty to make sure the mission was accomplished and conflict be avoided. But there were some cases, he felt, that were personal and meant to be dealt with without intervention. But should there be any conflict that affected the outcome of the mission much like the incident with Red Tornado's disappearance and the revelation of a potential mole, Aqualad was ready to step it and yank the guilty parties by their ears.

Robin and Kid Flash were as close as they could come without being related. Whatever was going on between them, Aqualad was certain that they would resolve the issue in time. He was not that confident about Zatanna, however. Kid Flash had started putting in extra effort to maintain as much space as possible from her, even if it meant leaving the room. Artemis was a help in this matter, she often acted as a buffer, even going as far as to sit in-between Kid Flash and Zatanna if there was no other option available-

 _Are you done monologuing to yourself?_ Rocket's voice echoed in his head. Aqualad felt his heart racing for a moment, he was getting distracted.

 _What makes you think I was doing that?_ Aqualad asked.

Superboy answered. _You were standing in the same spot for over a minute and we can sense your worry._

 _We could also_ hear _you._ Artemis said briskly.

 _Forgive me, team._ Aqualad responded. _Simply reflecting on other matters._

 _Hey, if you're done gossiping and pondering and pouting, we could use some help over here!_ Artemis sounded aggravated, her mind now polluted with frustration and

 _Kaldur, stop monologuing and trying to sound poetic! It's making me sick!_ Robin snapped. _What is this, a British book?_

 _Guys…_ Zatanna said cautiously.

Kaldur became irritated. _I am simply trying to think._

Robin countered. _Well, think more normal._

 _I am sorry, but I am unable to change my inner-dialect that easily._

 _I'd rather hear about your inner-dialect than your inner goddess._ Artemis piped in.

 _Guys…_ Zatanna said a little louder.

 _What's that?_ M'gann directed her question at Artemis.

 _From what I heard,_ Artemis began, _it's just some woman trying to sound poetic about her-_

 _GUYS!_ Zatanna shouted.

Everyone stopped thinking-

You're _still thinking!_ M'gann said.

 _ENOUGH!_ Aqualad raised his mental voice. _Zatanna, what is it?_

 _Are Superboy and Miss Martian on point?_

 _Yes, they are, Zatanna, thank you for reminding me._

 _Also, what do I do if some woman dressed in a jester outfit stares at me for a long period of time?_

 _Don't move, she can't see you if you don't move._ Kid Flash said sarcastically.

Superboy sighed. _Wally, that's meant for dinosaurs and that theory was proven false-_

 _Actually, I think it's working._ Zatanna said. _She's looking around like I just vanished._

 _Wow._ Robin said in a dull voice. _I cannot believe that Harley Quinn could have fallen this far from grace._

 _Harley Who, now?_

 _Harley Quinn, aka Harleen Quinzel. Her villain name is a pseudonym that she took from the term, Harlequin._ Robin explained.

 _Does she have red hair?_

 _No, but she's not a natural blonde either._

 _Robin._ Zatanna said. _I said she was dressed in a_ jester's _outfit. I know my clown costumes-_

 _I bet you do._ Kid Flash muttered.

Zatanna ignored him and continued. _I know my clown costumes and-_

Her connection was suddenly broken, but not before a wave of pain shook the rest of the Team through their mental-link.

 _Z!_ Robin shouted. _She must have been ambushed!_

 _We all came to that same conclusion, Einstein._ Rocket snapped. _Now hurry up with that hacking and Kal, get someone to find her!_

That was the last thing everyone else heard from her as they felt the mental link connecting them to her become disconnected. Robin followed a moment later.

 _Miss Martian, locate the attackers!_ Aqualad ordered.

Instead of having another person become disconnected, Aqualad felt something hit him on the head, pain washing over his body but not to the point of unconsciousness. He struggled to get up, but he felt several needles injected into his body, his movements becoming sluggish and undefined. The voices in his head were dim and incomprehensible, like he was underwater and they were on the surface. Why did villains always seem to get the drop on them when they least expect it?

Another blow to the head, and Aqualad was down.

* * *

Miss Martian opened her eyes, feeling somewhat lightheaded before her vision adjusted to the dim lighting. It wasn't much, but her head was strapped to the table, so she couldn't see much. She felt straps around her body and tentatively tested them, satisfied with the sound of creaking metal.

 _Is everyone alright?_ She called out through the mind-link.

 _No._ Robin's voice, he sounded like he's been through this scenario one too many times and was sick of it. _My head's spinning and I feel numb._

 _I'm already free._ Conner sounded more annoyed than worried. Miss Martian smiled when she saw him looking down on her and began pulling off the straps before a telekinetic blast from Miss Martian pushed her bindings off their hinges.

She got up and saw that the rest of the Team was strapped on metal tables like she was. It reminded her of the ones used for operations in those boring hospital dramas she saw. Aqualad looked like he was in a daze, while Rocket and Zatanna had just woken up, the latter had a gag around her mouth while the former had her belt taken from her. Together, Miss Martian and Superboy were able to free everyone from their restraints. Kid Flash looked he was the most stable one after Superboy and Miss Martian herself, supporting Robin and Zatanna as they leaned on his shoulders.

 _Wally…_ Artemis said as Miss Martian helped her up. Her voice sounded groggy. _Are you okay?_

 _Yeah, but why does it look like a place out of a fantasy I dreamed of last night?_ Wally really needed to keep those thoughts to himself…somehow…

 _TMI, dude. TMI._ Robin sighed.

 _I'm going to ignore that and keep the mind-link up._ Miss Martian said. _Who knows whose listening?_

 _How bad is this on a scale of 1 to 10, Robin?_ Artemis asked in the same groggy voice, with a hint of anticipation in it.

 _Considering how Superboy got out already, we can rule out Kryptonite._ Robin said. _And Miss M didn't have electrical currents run through her body, so I guess this would be a 6. A 3 if we can all get out as easily._

 _Okay, so what's going to happen to us if we can't get out?_ Kid Flash asked.

 _The Joker is sadistic, so my guess is torture straight from the_ Saw _franchise._ Robin said dryly. _God, this is pathetic, even by_ his _standards. I was expecting him to be looming over us menacingly, trying to make us crack while slicing us up without dismembering us while he says-_

"Mistah G, are you ready?" A shrill voice speaking in a heavy Brooklyn accent said behind the door to Miss Martian's left.

"Not yet, Harley 2, just shut up and let me get my tools ready!" A high-pitched voice that sounded male shouted back.

 _Not what I meant, but…wait…that's not Harley._ Miss Martian looked over to Robin, his eyes widening over his domino mask. _Miss M! SB! KF! Hide!_

 _You're going to take them on your own?!_ Artemis asked in disbelief.

 _Yes, I am going to take on two psychos without my utility belt in a sluggish state and hope for the best._ Robin said sarcastically. _NO! I'm not crazy, Artemis…okay, well, maybe I am, but I'm not stupid. Of course, I'm going to hide! Make sure KF doesn't do anything stupid, though, he's probably running low now._

Aqualad was then thrown over Superboy's shoulder like Black Canary taught them to do if a teammate was out of commission and needed to be transported. It would take at least an hour before the sedatives wore off on everyone, and possibly a bit longer for Zatanna to recharge and risk a healing spell. One look into Aqualad's eyes told Miss Martian enough; he had to stay awake no matter what. It was a miracle he hadn't slipped into a coma. The idea that their leader had been given a concussion was terrifying, whatever energy Miss Martian wasn't spending on supporting Artemis and maintaining the mind-link was spent making sure Aqualad didn't slip back into unconsciousness.

The door creaked open.

 _"Leacnoc su."_ Zatanna whispered and a shroud of nothingness surrounded the Team, their skin and clothing reflecting the surface and wall décor pretty well. It wasn't perfect, but they were now akin to chameleons for a short time. All they needed to do was take down the Joker. Then again, considering how much energy it required, they might only have at least five minutes before it wore off and exposed them.

The door leading to their exit was thrown open in a dramatic effect; a tall man strutted in. His chalk-white skin, red lips, and green hair made Miss Martian shudder. As far as she knew, the only thing that was actually applied manually was the red covering the Joker's lips. Behind him was a girl with red hair that trailed down to right above her waist. In stark contrast to the Joker, whose skin was already naturally – or unnaturally – white, there were areas on her face that revealed a soft-pinkish color underneath that she kept on trying to cover up with the powder she was applying at the moment.

 _That's_ definitely _not Harley._ Robin said. _And its definitely not Poison Ivy. Who is that?_

 _I think the bigger question to ask is how do we get out of here?_ Artemis said in a frustrated tone. _We're right in front of the biggest maniac in the city with no escape and-_

BAM!

While Robin was mentally swearing at Superboy for making the hole in the wall, the Joker and the red-haired girl looked in shock at the sudden noise. He took one look at the empty tables and then at the area where the hole appeared while the red-haired girl scratched her head.

"Where did they go? I know they were all _right here_!" The girl said. "Mistah G, this ain't my fault!"

The Joker looked at her funny. He suddenly smiled and said. "Harley 2, do you not see the gaping hole in the wall?"

"I had them all strapped down like you wanted me to –"

"– and did you try to restrain the Super Kid with the same kind of equipment as everyone else?"

"They were drugged up, they couldn't have gotten out! I don't understand!"

"HARLEY 2!"

"What?!" Harley 2 shouted back. She ended up being backhanded and fell to the floor, clutching her swollen lip. Miss Martian silently winced.

"Shut up and tell me what you did to them." The Joker whispered dangerously.

Harley 2 held up her hand with the palm extended and spoke. "I gassed the magic girl, then Bird Boy and his girlfriend. I got the drop on Fish Kid and hit him on the head with a hammer. I got the Speedy kid-

Kid Flash, _you idiot!_

"– and gassed everyone else like you told me to, Boss."

With each person mentioned, she closed a finger at a time into her palm. The Joker sighed and pulled out a walkie talkie. He clicked a button and spoke into it.

"Rocco, gather the men and find the brats. They escaped. Blame the new girl."

"W-what?" Harley 2 looked startled and began backing away from the Joker. "But I caught them."

"And you left them unguarded. And you didn't use Kryptonite on the Superbrat like I told you to. And you used the same amount of sedatives for _each person_ instead of drugging them until they were loopy." The Joker advanced towards he threateningly. "And worst of all, you wrote down a list of tortures that they were to go through that I did NOT APPROVE OF!"

Harley 2 blinked. "What."

The Joker pulled out a sheet of paper from his purple tweed jacket and read aloud. "Number 1: Make Robin listen to High School Muscial the Soundtract. Number 2: Beat Robin over the head with a crowbar. Number 3: Cut up Robin without dismembering him. Number 4: Sexually abuse Robin until he sobbed like a baby and had DaddyBats swoop in for the rescue. Harley 2, this list is detailing things to do to Robin and not the rest of his brat friends!"

"But, I thought you loved torture. That's why I agreed to be your replacement while the Harley went on vacation." Harley 2 failed to see the deadly glint in the Joker's eyes.

The Team slowly made their way out of the gaping hole in the while, knowing that they only had minutes before the camouflage spell wore off. Robin was giving off a lot of anger and indignation that he was to be subjected to those tortures, his anger was infecting the mind-link like termites in wood.

"There are a few things wrong with what you are suggesting, Harley 2." The Joker held up one hand. "First of all, not funny. Second of all, your obsession with Wonder Boy is really unhealthy and not in an amusing manner. Third of all, are you on crack?. Fourth of all, you are not expecting any of the _super-powered_ teens to retaliate. And fifth of all –"

BAM!

Harley 2 slumped to the ground as blood came from her forehead.

"YOU'RE FIRED! That's the last time I hire a girl named Mary off Craigslist!"

* * *

Sometime later, the Team had returned to the Cave – Robin and Rocket recovered their respective belts – and were being debriefed on what they had just seen.

"Long story short, Harley's on vacation." Robin concluded. "And apparently, every girl that the Joker tries to hire to fill the role has this weird obsession over me."

Batman sighed. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm glad the Joker killed someone. How could someone like that be so…"

"Into BDSM shit out of a bad erotica book?" Artemis offered. When Kid Flash looked at her, she explained. "Some of my friends are into that stuff."

"No offense to your friends, Arty, but they're sick." Robin said in an aggravated voice.

"I expect a detailed report of the mission itself handed in by tomorrow. Aqualad will be fine, but he needs some time to recover. Dismissed." And with that, Batman walked off.

Zatanna lingered in the back while Robin and Kid Flash talked.

"Thanks for pulling my weight back there, KF." Robin said sheepishly.

"You'd do the same for me, bro." Kid Flash grinned.

"So…are we okay?"

Kid Flash stared at him. "Okay?"

"Wally…" Robin began slowly, but Kid Flash held up his hand.

"I'm not mad at you, dude. You didn't know."

"You're not even a little hurt?" Robin asked in surprise. "I know I'd be."

Kid Flash shrugged. "A little bit. But Black Canary says I shouldn't hold a grudge. It's not healthy and it wouldn't make me feel better. The best thing to do would be to move on and try fixing things when I was ready."

"Don't you want to get a _little_ payback?" Robin asked, making a small gesture with his hand.

"If I told you, then you'd just plan ahead." Kid Flash smirked. "I'll just leave it at that and call it a night."

Robin nodded and headed towards the Zeta tube.

 _Recognize: Robin. B02._

"Wally!" Zatanna called out as Kid Flash made his way to the Zeta tube. Kid Flash turned around and looked at her. "Do you have a moment?"

"My folks are waiting for me and after tonight, I think they might be reluctant to let me leave home." Kid Flash said carelessly.

"Wally, I'm sorry!"

Kid Flash flinched.

Zatanna continued. "I get it, you're still mad, I just want to let you know I didn't realize how wrong it was. I'm sorry about the Wonder Woman outfit, I'm sorry about the Voodoo doll, I'm sorry about Halloween. You can get even with me however you like, just name it and I'll take it!"

Kid Flash didn't say anything, Zatanna could only guess what was going through his head. Then he spoke.

"I'm seeing Black Canary tomorrow around 4. Meet me there."

Zatanna nodded and sighed with relief as Kid Flash vanished into the Zeta tube in a flash of light.

 _Baby steps, Z._ Zatanna thought. _Baby steps._

* * *

"Puddin', I'm back!" Harley called out in the warehouse, smiling when she saw her two hyenas rushing towards her. "Aw, did you miss Momma? Momma missed you!"

She smiled as the hyenas licked at her outstretched palms before reeling back in disgust. "What have you two been eating?! You know you're on a diet!"

"I tried feeding them the new intern, but they wouldn't budge." The Joker came in wiping his hands on a handkerchief. "So, I set them loose against some cats."

Harley crossed her arms. " _Again_ , Puddn'? We can't keep going through this every time I need some 'me-time.' It's just leaving a big mess."

"True." The Joker said. "But this one deserved it."

"And what did she do to deserve it?" Harley asked with a raised eyebrow.

"She tried to make me fulfill a fanfiction wish-list."

* * *

 **Author's Note:** I said I would make Robin and Zatanna more remorseful and remorseful they are at last.

I took a jab at Mary Sue characters and those who believe that the key to a great story is to put the Boy Wonder though as much hell as possible, as well.

Harley 2 taking down the entire Team? That would be the only possible explanation since she has the powers of fandom logic...before real logic hit her in the face like the bullet that killed her. I know the Joker is a criminal mastermind, but I doubt he would be able to take down the Team all by himself. He could handle Superboy, Robin and Artemis, but the others would be able to overpower him with their powers and sheer numbers.

I had to add a part where the Joker contacted his men to look for the Team, because I was thinking "Wouldn't the viewers be wondering _why_ he isn't looking for them?"

Why does the fandom love torturing Robin in ways that make me think only a few of us are here to tell actual stories? The Joker is sadistic, but he is not that monstrous...unless you believe that he did something to Barbara in _The Killing Joke_ (which he didn't, according to Alan Moore.) He does those things for laughs, and the Joker has _some_ standards.

I had this idea in my mind for several months now, and it started with the Joker giving his five reasons (the fifth being that she was fired). It was never written down, but I had it to memory.

Last thing before I go: I'm trying to work on a page for **Bad Idea** on TVTropes, but I am facing some difficulties with it. Anyone willing to help? Making pages is so different from writing examples.

Thanks for reading; feel free to suggest and give constructive criticism, I will take it. Next update will be a week or two from now.

In the writing world, I will see you!


	20. Atlantis Culture

**Author's Note:** Before we get into the story, I just wanted to let everyone know that a page for Bad Idea has been set up on TV Tropes. I want to give a very big thanks to **Bored321** , for creating the page when I was unable to. You rock, man! I worked on it a good deal as well, feel free to check it out and add stuff to the page if you want. Also, to **Bored321** , I am going to try for more story-based chapters. It won't be easy, but I will try to take the deconstructions and put them into an appropriate direction. :)

Also wanted to give a shout out to **Rayany Amor** , for favoring this story. Check out their works, particularity **Bat Family Mayhem**. I kind of got the idea of different stories from them. Thanks again, **Rayany** , you also rock!

Last thing: I am not sure if this was a good chapter or a bad chapter. It felt weird in some places, but maybe that's just because I wasn't focusing so much on a cliche and just telling a story. Enjoy!

* * *

The Team had situated themselves within their usual areas in the Cave: Artemis was currently reading a large book out loud, pausing a few times when she came upon a word that wouldn't work well in the world at large today before continuing with vigor. Next to her was Rocket, who looked over Artemis's shoulder like a child and gave reassuring shrugs whenever the pauses occurred.

"It's how they talked back then." Rocket shrugged. "Still wrong, but as long as _you_ know it's wrong, then there's nothing to worry about. Okay?"

"Sure." Artemis smiled. She mumbled to herself. "I still can't believe it was written almost a century ago. The writing's just... _understandable_!"

Meanwhile, Robin was teaching Conner how to use a Wii controller, keeping his voice level and low until Conner gave him a look that told him to stop talking to him like a dog. Robin had decided to start off with something easy so Conner could test his growing prowess on the controller with _Twilight Princess._ Wally suggested something more fun and required several people to play it at a time – he was looking at one of the additional game cases that Robin had brought along with longing – until Robin uttered the word "rainbow road" and the suggestions ceased.

No one wanted to see another television destroyed this week.

M'gann was sparring with Zatanna in hand-to-hand combat, guiding the younger girl through a series of basic movements similar to how Black Canary did with her. Several bruises decorated Zatanna's exposed arms and sweat made her sleeveless shirt cling to her body like static-charged socks. Garfield looked on per M'gann's instructions, even miming the moves that Zatanna was instructed to perform in his monkey form. He cheered his "blood-sister" on during the moments that the two were actually fighting, but those moments never lasted long.

In the kitchen, the two newest members, Tula and Garth, were talking to each other in hushed voices. The others had deemed it private and decided to drown them out as best as they could. Luckily, this allowed the two to discuss their agenda without fear of being found out.

"Are the preparations made yet?" Tula poured out some "orange" juice, still unsure of the Surface-dweller beverage. "Kaldur has been planning this for over two weeks and I don't wish for his work to be in vain."

"Fear not, my Coral." Tula blushed at Garth's pet name for her. "He'll be giving the signal within an hour, all we need to do is keep the Team from leaving the Cave until then."

Tula looked over to their newest companions, wondering what measures they would have to take in order to keep the surprise from being spoiled. They were fine, for the moment, with everyone doing their own thing. It would take something of epic proportions to put everyone into a "Let's Leave The Cave" mood. And since they had convinced Batman – whom Tula respected and Garth feared – to withhold putting the Team on any missions today, the chances of that happening are –

"Hey guys." Wally spoke up, having grown bored from watching Robin guide Conner through herding goats into a farm. "I was thinking...are there any good movies playing right now?"

"Well…" Zatanna staggered into the living area and plopped into the seat beside Wally. "There's the final _Harry Potter_ movie –"

"Anything _not_ related to magic?" Wally grinned at her.

Artemis put her book down. "We could go see _The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo_."

"What about something for the children?" M'gann gave a meaningful look towards Garfield, who had chosen that moment to start picking his nose with his tail.

Garfield noticed the others looking at him and looked up, pulling his tail out of his nose. "Huh? What was that?"

"How about that movie Zac Snider directed?" Conner looked away from the television screen as he spoke. He received a unanimous "NO!" in response. Thankfully, his hearing wasn't strained to super-sensory at this point, thanks to the lessons he received from Clark.

"Never mention Zac and Snider in the exact order in any sentence. Ever." Robin said bluntly. "Batman and Superman don't think he's that great. Besides, I think that movie's not in theaters anymore."

"Does that make him a bad person?" M'gann asked.

"No." Robin said. "I'm sure he's a nice guy in real life."

Conner smirked. "Are you implying that Batman and Superman actually _agree_ on something not related to the Justice League."

"I know." Robin nodded solemnly. "These are the end times."

"Welp." Wally stood up from the couch and stretched. "I wanna get out of here for a bit. Getting kind of boring, if you ask me."

"Tula, do something!" Garth whispered frantically. Tula looked between her boyfriend and the Speedster before running towards Wally with great speed.

"Wallace!" Tula cried out. She could feel Garth glowering at her as she fell into Wally's arms. "Wallace, you must help me! Please!"

Suddenly, she was surrounded by the rest of the Team sans Garth and Kaldur, everyone talking over each other at once.

"What's the prob, AG?" Robin said, using the abbreviated term for Aquagirl. "Anything you need?"

"Um, Artemis, this isn't what it looks like, please don't glare at me like that." Wally said nervously as he tried to push Tula away from him.

"I'm not. Tula, let go of Wally!" Artemis started trying to pry the girl off her boyfriend, surprised at the grip she was maintaining.

"Lay your troubles on me, Tula, the Beast Boy is in the building."

In the back, M'gann raised an eyebrow in suspicion. Tula calmed herself and looked directly into the eyes of Wally.

"Wally, I need you to explain the ending to that show you showed Garth and I." Tula feigned panic. "I am losing sleep over it. What is with the church at the end? And why would the woman go back with Jack after all that he had done to her? And why was the baby still a baby even though we saw him grow up a little?"

Wally stared at her blankly. Everyone else looked at Tula as if she had just professed her love to him and wanted to have kittens. Then he said. "Tula, are you trying to distract me?"

Tula blanched at the accusation, unable to come up with a plausible answer. She wanted to turn her head towards Garth for help, but that would have tipped the others off to something that Kaldur _insisted_ that they kept secret.

Thankfully, she was rescued from having to say anything when a loud CRASH! came from the kitchen.

"Garth!" Tula cried out and ran towards the sound. The others – thankfully – followed her and saw Garth standing frozen in place in front of a large pile of glass shards scattered all over the floor.

"Forgive me." Garth said frantically. "I thought they needed cleaning, so I picked them all up and lost my grip."

"You can use water magic, why didn't you just keep the glass where it was and just, you know, clean them?" Zatanna raised an eyebrow.

"I am not that delicate with my powers." Garth said quickly. Although it was true, the delivery came out a little _too_ quickly to everyone sans Tula's liking.

Tula stepped away from the suspicious group slowly until she bumped into something solid. When she turned around, Conner was staring right back at her and crossed his arms.

"Talk. Now." He said simply.

"Well…" Tula began slowly. "The truth is…"

"We have been instructed by the Injustice League and what the League refers to as 'the Light' to keep you distracted while they demolish the outside world." Garth said grimly. Everyone stared at him with a dubious look on their faces. Some of them even looked to M'gann for help.

"Yes." Tula said as if it was exactly what she was thinking. She raised her arms dramatically. "We have been in league with the enemy since after New Year's time when the League was under their thrall –"

Robin whispered to Zatanna. "Still can't believe _Batman_ of all people didn't think of bringing that technology back to the Batcave for safekeeping in case someone attacked."

"Yes. It was foolish of the World's Greatest Detective to not do what you just suggested." Tula said dramatically, trying to ignore the weird looks she was getting. "Surrender yourselves and we will show you mercy. You are no match for the power of two –"

"Oh! I know!" Robin jumped up and down excitedly like a child waiting to be called on by the teacher. "Waterbenders?"

"Um…yes." Tula put on the evillest grin she could muster. "Waterbenders who –"

"You know, the term 'bender' is often connected to homosexuality in Britain. So, does this mean you're coming out as bi?" Wally interjected. He quickly added. "Not that there's anything wrong with it!"

Artemis face-palmed herself while Robin glared at his best friend for the comment.

"Silence, puny heroes!" Garth shouted. No one flinched. "You are no match for us."

Garfield whistled. "Wow. Two Atlanteans with little water nearby against…"

He quickly pointed to everyone else in the room and muttered quietly before adding dryly. "So, it's two of you against eight heroes. We don't stand a chance."

"Do not underestimate us." Tula cackled. "The League has already fallen by our hands –"

"You mean flippers?"

"Shut up!" Tula summoned a stream of water from the kitchen faucet and hurled it at Robin. Caught off-guard, he took the water directly to the chest and was sent ten feet across the room. Tula silently fumed at the remark, trying not to start questioning the merit of befriending these heroes as Kaldur had done.

"Haven't you noticed that Batman has yet to contact us?" Garth had a look of irritation on his face – whether it was from the "flipper" comment or from people repeatedly stealing his thunder, Tula wasn't sure – and subtlety switched from looking at the Team to looking at the clock on the wall, wondering when the hell Kaldur would make it. "And why is M'gann doing a job that belongs to Black Canary? And the Flash –"

"Liar!" M'gann yelled. She flew right into Garth's face and glared. "You're hiding a surprise and reciting _Ode to Aquaman_ won't keep me from knowing."

"Fuck." Garth muttered. Even _that_ drove him mad, Garth thought the annoying song would be the ultimate defense against M'gann's telepathic abilities.

"Language." M'gann hissed and pointed to Garfield, who was suppressing the urge to laugh at the hammy performance that Garth had just given them.

"Kind of overkill, Megs." Rocket sighed. "Just tell us what's going on here, please."

"And don't start saying Tula's pregnant." Robin said.

"Or that _you're_ pregnant." Garfield pointed a finger at Garth suspiciously. The glare quickly turned into an expression of childish curiosity. "Do you… _actually_ get pregnant or is that just seahorses?"

Garth's face became a cherry-red as he started sputtering while the others laughed at the prospect.

"What is this I am hearing about pregnancies?" A familiar, calming voice spoke up. Everyone turned around, those of the surface dropping their jaws at the sight of their leader.

Kaldur'ahm, also known as Aqualad, had forgone his apprentice red tunic and black leggings for a new getup. He had decorated his face with blue paint streaking across his cheekbones and chin, giving him the image of a man with a small stubble of a goatee. His arms were bare, revealing his black tattoos. The tunic he wore was the same hue of blue as the paint on his face, though the chest was a little more exposed. And in place of his leggings was a dark-purple skirt that ended above his knees, rippling at the slightest movement like water on the sea.

"Um…why are you wearing a kilt?" Wally asked slowly. Memories of the Trickster in a similar getup haunted the corners of his mind, but at least Kaldur knew how to color coordinate.

"It is not a kilt, but a traditional Atlantean garb dating back several centuries." Kaldur chuckled. "Forgive me, my friends. I asked Garth and Tula to keep you all busy while the preparations were made."

"Kaldur!" Tula cried out. "They accused Garth of being pregnant!"

Kaldur's smile slid off his face. "What."

"Long story short, they tried to make themselves look like bad guys." Artemis said flatly. "They couldn't exactly keep whatever is a secret a secret with M'gann in the room."

"I will remember that." Kaldur muttered quietly.

Robin gave Kaldur two thumbs up. "Looking good."

"I apologize for my absence, everyone." Kaldur said. "Batman had agreed to this idea and the King has invited you all to attend dinner in a secluded location in Cape Cod, in celebration of what is known to you as the Cold Moon in December. But to Atlanteans, it is the Moontide Festival, in celebration of when Atlantis' first king came to the throne."

"That…sounds a lot like your version of Christmas…" Rocket said slowly.

"It is." Kaldur smiled. "We are celebrating it tonight back at home, but I wished to share the event with you all in a secluded location."

Robin held up his arm and tapped at the watch-device on his wrist. A projection screen came up, showing a map.

"Where is the place located?" Robin asked. "Cape Cod does have people living there. Not so much during the winter, though."

"How come?" M'gann asked.

"It's more populated during the summertime. Plenty of summer cottages there."

"Batman selected the location himself. Perfectly safe." Kaldur reassured him, "Again, I ask; will any of you attend this event?"

He looked to Wally, who had decided to start talking to Conner. "There will be food."

Wally's head snapped back to look at him in an instant. "I'm in!"

"This could be pretty interesting." Zatanna nodded her head.

"Cool. Free food!" Garfield jumped up in glee.

More murmurs of agreement followed.

"Do we have to dress like that?" Conner suddenly asked, pointing at Kaldur's attire with a small grimace.

Tula sighed. It was going to be a long evening.

* * *

One trip through the Zeta Tube and a boat ride later – and lacking any new apparel, much to the relief of Conner – the Team was proven correct about the "secluded" aspect of the event. A little island to themselves just a few miles off the mainland. A large table with enough seats for everyone on the Team was set before them. Kaldur silently thanked King Orin for allowing this, knowing how secretive the man was of many things in Atlantis. Their technology, slowly being integrated into the world above. Embassies hardly revealed themselves to any humans. And no civilians had yet to even leave the water and experience the world above them for the first time since the great city of Atlantis sunk into the ocean.

Until Orin had made contact with the Justice League and joined their ranks, the very idea of contacting with the upper world for reasons unconnected to war was nothing more than a dream. Now, as Kaldur looked at the people he had grown to see as more than just friends and as family, he knew that this was the beginning of a new age for his people. It was the start of bridges being built between two different worlds, now.

"I wish to thank all of you for agreeing to this event." Kaldur said as he took a seat at one corner of the long table. "The Moontide Festival is a cherished event in Atlantis. Traditionally, there is a festival before actual feasting, but we only had time to prepare the meal, unfortunately."

"Nonetheless, this will be a wonderful evening with all of you." Tula beamed, though Kaldur thought it looked rather…forced. Her outfit was swapped in exchange for an exact replica with blue and purple to complement Kaldur's attire. Her tunic left her lower stomach exposed. Garth was dressed similar to Kaldur, except he had no tunic on.

Out of the corner of his eye, Kaldur saw Rocket shifting her gaze from the steaming trays on the table to Garth every now and again.

"Mostly because of the food." Garth smirked as he and Tula took a seat in-between Garfield and Rocket. He didn't notice Rocket blushing at the glare Tula had given he and enclosed his hand around his girlfriend's own.

Garfield sniffed at the steaming trays with suspicion. "This isn't fish, right? Cause I don't eat fish."

"Why not?" Garth asked, looking at the green boy.

Garfield glowered at him. "What part of _Beast_ and _Boy_ do you not remember in my name?"

"Newcomer. Remember?" Garth said bluntly.

"Wait a minute." Robin paused. "Fish? I thought you didn't eat fish. You mentioned seaweed in your diet, once, but…"

Kaldur stared at him.

"I-I mean, you're fish, too!" Robin said hopelessly. He muttered under his breath. "Gonna shut up, now."

"Wait, does this make you guys cannibals?!" Artemis stared at the trays in horror while Tula banged her head against the table.

"I am beginning to wonder if any of you have a basic understanding of Atlanteans…" Kaldur said slowly.

"They called us 'Waterbenters' earlier, so I doubt it." Garth muttered loud enough for the others to hear. The shuffling of chairs that followed had no conversation, no excitement or interest in the event that was there just a few moments before. Only silence.

"Garth…" Tula chided her boyfriend, but Kaldur could sense that she too was becoming a little tense. But Garth pulled his hand that was just entwined in Tula's own away and looked at the others accusingly.

"First, they treat us like jokes when we tried stalling for time." Garth growled.

"You _do_ realize it was because the 'mole' thing came out of nowhere and _not_ because of you guys, right?"

Garth glared at Rocket and continued. "Then, they make remarks that I am certain were meant to be offensive, calling us 'Waterbenders' and then suggesting it had to do with sexual preferences. And _then_ they suggested I was pregnant! Now, they are claiming we eat our own kind like it is some sort of joke!"

He slammed his hands onto the table at the end of this rant.

"They also said we had flippers instead of hands." Tula glared at Robin, who had the decency to blush and look down like a child scolded for naughty behavior.

Kaldur looked at his teammates. He sighed. "Someone explain this to me."

"Tula acted weird when Wally wanted to leave the Cave, something about an ending?" Zatanna started, her face suggesting confusion over some parts of the story.

" _Lost_." Wally said, startling Zatanna. "Tula said she was confused about the ending to the show, _Lost_. I got them hooked a few months ago."

"I could tell she was hiding something." M'gann added. "I mean, I wasn't _trying_ to read their minds, but I could tell that they were hiding something."

"We all could." Conner pointed out.

"Garth dropped a lot of dishes and then they started to claim that they were in league with the Injustice League and the Light." Artemis said as if she were still trying to wrap her head around the earlier event.

"We _might_ have pressed a few buttons." Robin added nervously.

"And by might have, he means we totally pissed them off." Wally said in a bored tone.

"Would it help if we said we were sorry?" Garfield looked at Kaldur nervously. Kaldur took a deep breath and looked at everyone.

"In light of this behavior, I am beginning to realize that I neglected to tell you much about life back home." Kaldur said. "And let me be the one to saw this and not ask how it came to be, but we in Atlantis do not have pregnant men."

"Okay." Garfield smiled. Kaldur returned the grin, expecting it to be the end of the awkward discussion when another question came out of the boy's mouth. "So…do you guys lay eggs or something?"

Garth and Tula looked at him incredulously. M'gann looked at Garfield disapprovingly. No one else attempted to speak up for a few moments.

"Um…" Wally began when no one bothered with making attempts at conversation. "So…Kal, what do you recommend we try out, first? Smells good."

Kaldur smiled at his red-haired friend. "We have tuna to your left and crabs in front of me. There are plenty of shellfish and wakeme, imported from Japan."

"Are there more of you in Asia, then?" Robin leaned towards Kaldur with a look of interest.

"No." Kaldur shook his head. "But Batman had this delivered for tonight in compensation for not joining us for the meal."

"Anything I could eat that doesn't sound gross or taste like fish?" Garfield asked.

Kaldur pointed to the large jug over by Conner's end with green liquid inside. "Spirulina makes for great seasoning and drinks, as I have recently learned on my time above the surface. Try it."

The jug was lifted off the ground, Kaldur could imagine invisible strings attached to it, and made its way towards the green boy. He caught the jug and slowly poured some of the concoction into his glass. He smiled at M'gann in thanks.

"How do you guys cook underwater?" Zatanna asked. She sniffed and pulled off one of the lids and gasped. "It looks delicious!"

"Water magic does not just involve manipulating the element to our will." Kaldur said. "If enough power is put into it, we can generate heat from the water we are controlling. Often to the point of firing hot jets of bubbles in conflict. It is not uncommon to see chefs throughout Atlantis that are skilled in water magic."

The conversation slowly moved away from food and more into the people themselves, which Garth and Tula helped to answer with no ill will among them, and eventually into politics. Robin quickly mastered the Atlantean salute for royalty – raising one's fist to their forehead, similar to the military salute for the surface world – and Conner, who was known to be a linguist, was shocked to hear Kaldur speak in his native tongue and failed to understand what he was saying.

As the Team began eating the food provided for them with earnest – Garfield avoided all the fish and kept to his spirulina smoothies – everyone started relaxing and started creating conversations in three groups. Garth, Tula and Kaldur were not together and began trading stories with their friends about their own separate adventures. Zatanna and Artemis surprised everyone with a chilling story from Halloween from a year ago, with Garth drilling them for details about what kind of magic their enemy, a man who called himself Harm, was using.

Kaldur and Tula took turns teaching Conner the Atlantean tongue, swapping groups whenever they wanted a break.

"– and that was when Kaldur and I struck Ocean Master from behind and allowed our king to win the day!" Garth said to his audience of Artemis, Robin, and Rocket. "It was afterwards that King Orin offered both of us a chance to be his companion and squire. Had I said yes that day, perhaps we would have known each other sooner."

"I could see that." Robin nodded along.

"Do it again!" Garfield cried out in glee, amazed at the fluid movements Tula went through in the technique she was demonstrating to him, M'gann, Conner, and Zatanna.

"Is there any hope for me to learn that?" Zatanna asked hopefully when Tula turned the water in her hands into ice. "Looks like it follows a similar principal."

Tula smiled sadly at her. "I am afraid that this magic is exclusive to those in Atlantis. Though you might benefit from a few tips."

"Some turn of events, huh?" Wally smirked at Kaldur, who had taken a step back and allowed Tula and Garth to interact with the others. He looked at the Speedster, unsurprised that he was enjoying his fourth helping of seaweed. "This is good stuff."

"I find it embarrassing that I never thought of telling you of my heritage until today." Kaldur said quietly. "If a relationship between the surface world and Atlantis is to survive, we must stop relying on stereotypes and false facts."

"Say, that reminds me." Wally swallowed a mouthful of seaweed. "What stereotypes do you guys have for us back at Atlantis."

"The usual." Kaldur said casually. "They believe surface-dwellers do nothing but pollute, engage in noisy warfare, and breed at a rate that suggest high child mortality rates."

Wally blushed. "That… _does_ sound surprisingly accurate for the most part. Could I ask you one more question about Atlantis. Kal?

"All questions are welcome, my friend."

"This one might not be, though." Kaldur frowned. "So…what's the bathroom situation like? Do you swim in your own pee or is there a place where you handle that stuff?"

Kaldur surprised Wally by suddenly laughing. "You know something, Kid? I am not certain of that myself. Though, perhaps you would not mind if I asked where you put all of that food you eat each day?"

"You don't want to know…"

* * *

 **Author's Note:** We never got a chance to learn more about Kaldur's culture in Young Justice and I sadly made a joke earlier in this story about him not eating fish. One reviewer suggested this and it wasn't easy, but I tried to expand upon a culture that was barely brushed up on, even in the comics. We only hear about the politics, not much about celebrations or how they cook food and the big question Wally just asked in the end.

The costume designs for Kaldur's fesitval attire were partially inspired by _Atlantis: The Lost Empire_ (how a Disney movie would be considered bad for not having songs in them is nonsensical). As always, be sure to suggest cliches to tackle, everyone on the Team deserves love, even those in Season 2. I have several ideas for Robin, but he has agreed that his friends come first.

In the writing world, I will see you!


	21. Traitor or Leader?

**Author's Note:** I'm back!

*Cricket chirps*

Huh...only two reviews for the recent chapter? Was it because of the timing that I updated it?

 **AstrisDreams:** Thank you. It wouldn't have mad much sense to have the others be oblivious to how Garth and Tula were acting, after all. This is a series that applies logic, so logically speaking, the Team would have been suspicious from the near beginning. Wally does seem to get a bad rap on this site, he is more of an impulsive character, no pun intended.

 **Black' Victor Cachat** : Thanks. It wasn't intentional, however. Though that would mean I am also comfortable with the way she uses her powers, too. XD I know of that comic, but never read it. It was dealing with race issues (like that's new), but we barely got a grasp at the culture. So, I decided to incorporate the Justice League version of their attire with Atlantis: The Lost Empire attire/culture and was pretty nervous about it, overall. I was afraid of enforcing a stereotype on them by doing so.

 **nonameneeded** : If you can read this, I got your review. And...didn't you see the **notes** at the end of the chapter? I mentioned a Batman: Black and White comic that had Dick dealing with bullies offscreen. Also, Dick NOT fighting at all is just as bad because he puts himself at risk of being seriously hurt by some jackass. Also, he's a teenager, how many teenagers can hold their temper and not try to break something? (I'm looking at you, Superboy!) And Bruce CLEARLY mentioned the identity risk in the middle of the chapter, but Dick pointed out how many things were wrong with that angle.

Also, Dick calling Bruce 'Dad' at the end is justified because he is a better parent in the YJ universe, surprisingly. I normally don't try to view Batman as a good parent because of all the shitty things he puts his partners/sons through, but YJ made him likable even if it was a bit much. He is clearly closer to Dick in the show, playing basketball with him to cheer him up about Aqualad and letting the Team know they did a good job during missions in the middle of lecturing them.

This chapter focuses on "The Team blaming Robin for the simulation going wrong, even though it wasn't really his fault" cliche. Beware, 'tis my longest chapter in this fic yet!

Try and look for movie references in the chapter. Also, there is a mention of _We Love Our Two Dads_ in this. I promised self-bashing and this is as close as it gets for now.

* * *

Robin sat on top of a medical table, his head still spinning while his body was trying to adjust from being burnt to a crisp to returning to a relatively unscathed form. He wasn't the only one on a medical table; Artemis was looking at everyone in confusion, Wally was staring at a wall while the Flash tried talking to him, Conner was expressionless, but already up and moving back towards the couch, Kaldur was already grilling Batman for information about what happened, and worst of all, M'gann was breathing heavily like she had just woken up from a nightmare. Surprisingly, Captain Marvel was standing beside her like a loyal pet.

 _Am I dreaming?_ He thought. The last thing that Robin recalled was an explosion. That _had_ to be part of a bad dream, right? Except he can remember almost everything about it in perfect detail. It didn't fade away in the back of his mind like other dreams did in the past. It was like looking back at a –

"What happened?" Robin heard himself speak quietly. Somehow, everyone heard him and looked at the boy.

"I was just filling Aqualad in on what you all just experienced." Batman said, his expression unreadable. "Try to remember this morning. What happened?"

Robin frowned and closed his eyes. _What happened this morning? Okay, I just got to the Cave and the others were there for training. We were all in uniform and were going to work on sparring in groups of 2, three people per team. That's when we got notified about the invasion…right?_

"Try harder." Batman said, as if he knew what was going through Robin's head.

 _No, wait!_ Robin's eyes widened as it started coming back to him. _Batman and I came here together this morning, something about a test. And the Team was there and so were some of the League…_

"We had placed you within a simulation." Martian Manhunter's voice broke the silence. Robin turned his head, looking for where the sound came from when he saw the green Martian in the back, close to the TV area, along with Black Canary. He looked exhausted. Martian Manhunter still continued, Robin noting how weary his voice sounded now. "You had all agreed to this, understanding that nothing that happened there was real."

"We were trying to prepare the Team for a worst-case scenario." Batman added.

"Like the League getting wiped out." Artemis muttered. She sounded uncertain, rather than shaken that way Robin knew he sounded right now. "And if the Team was Earth's only hope."

 _That's why I didn't freeze up when Batman was vaporized in space!_ Robin realized. _I thought I was just suppressing it until the threat was taken care of._

But how did that explain the reactions later on? Wally's anger and vow of vengeance against the alien menace when they all saw Artemis get vaporized, M'gann sobbing when they fled from the Fortress of Solitude, Robin becoming more aloof while taking on the role as leader – _and doing everything in my power not to lose control of myself_ – and the pain that they all experienced during the simulation. Robin suddenly felt some stinging pain on his shoulder and rubbed the area to try and soothe it. He stretched his shirt down and saw a bruise there, still fresh. There were several cuts as well.

 _Oh yeah._ Robin thought. _That was when I landed awkwardly during the bombing plan. Man, that hurt!_

"Everything changed when Artemis died." Martian Manhunter said quietly. "Before this occurred, I had been in control of the simulation, using your minds to recreate a world perfectly. And then M'gann took…wretched…control from me and you all forgot that what you were seeing wasn't real."

Robin tuned him out after that. _It was fake…all of it was fake…I became leader but it was fake…everyone wasn't killed because of me because it was fake…_

He couldn't hear Martian Manhunter speak now, Robin was focusing on how badly his leadership skills were. He didn't hear any mention of how each death helped Manhunter get closer to saving everyone from permanent comas. He didn't hear how M'gann's mental grip on the simulation was so tight that even Manhunter believed that the danger was real when he entered. He didn't hear anything else beyond the fact that everything and everyone he sacrificed was for nothing…

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Robin flinched at Wally's screaming and he doesn't react to it anything beyond the initial flinch, since he knows who Wally is yelling at. But he still refuses to let the Speedster take ahold of him and try and punch him. No one would blame him for throwing Wally to the ground with the grapple Black Canary taught them all two weeks ago, right?

"Wally!" Black Canary and the Flash are in-between Robin and Wally in several seconds – or in the Flash's case, literally in a flash – while the others look on in shock at what happened. Robin can hear M'gann sobbing, wishing he could do something to make her stop, because it's his fault.

"He's the reason we all died!" Wally continued, ignoring the growl of indignation coming from Batman. "Robin can't be trusted, he –"

He suddenly quieted down. Robin wasn't surprised, it didn't take much for the Bat-Glare to get people to shut up. Black Canary looking at him in disapproval definitely helped.

"We just said that the simulation was unbeatable…" Black Canary said coldly. "So, no matter what you would have done, it would have amounted to nothing. What part of that did we fail to mention?"

"BC, it's true…" Robin began, but Batman cut him off.

"Robin, you were trying to be a leader." He said simply. "And leaders have to make sacrifices for the sake of the mission."

"The sake of the mission?!" Artemis said incredulously. "Robin lead us to our _deaths!_ "

Conner looked at her with a gobsmacked look on his face. "What are you _smoking?!_ You weren't even dealing with it like we all were!"

"Why are you defending this traitor?!" Wally yelled. "He used you as bait –"

"ENOUGH!" Kaldur shouted. Wally and Artemis blanched at the tone. Kaldur took a deep breath and looked at both of them with a look of frustration. "Are you suggesting you could have done better? Has it _never_ occurred to either of you that every time _I_ lead you means that you may never come back alive?! What would you have done? Artemis!"

Artemis looked at him more attentively.

"Conner had a point. Out of all of us during the simulation, _you_ were the one who dealt with the danger the least. If what Martian Manhunter says is true, then you were the only one in the Team that wasn't exposed to M'gann's mental prowess. You have no room to argue or protest something that didn't affect you personally."

Robin stared at his leader, wondering why Kaldur was bothering to defend him to begin with. He _led_ their team to their demise!

"I sacrificed myself so that you would all have a chance at stopping the threat. In Atlantis, this leaves the squadron without someone to guide them. What I did was a foolish action. Could someone explain why someone is not made about the risk _I_ took at the cost of the Team losing their commander? I am not following this line of logic and I do _not_ believe it has to do with a clash in different ethics.

"Did Robin make choices that led to more death? Yes. Did he do it simply for the sake of killing you off? I was not there when it occurred, but that does not sound like the Robin I know. What would you have done? Wally."

Kaldur's voice had quieted down and became cold when he said Wally's name. Wally looked like he was going to throw up if he looked directly into Kaldur's eyes.

"Have you ever been in war? Do you at least have a concept of what fighting on a large scale means?"

"I-It means…that…" Wally spoke slowly, the anger from earlier now gone and left behind a less passionate Speedster in its place. "Anyone can die…"

"Exactly." Kaldur nodded calmly, but Robin could see the glare on his face. "Anyone can die in a battle that scale. Sometimes because of an enemy. Sometimes because of a traitor. Sometimes it is simply because the leader had to make a call that they had no other choice to make, even if it meant that it brought their side one step closer to victory. What would you have done? I do not understand how Robin 'betrayed us' in a mission that meant life or death for the whole human race at the time. The nightmare was real to us, we all dealt with it differently. _You_ destroyed anything you held after Artemis was killed, M'gann cried in her sleep and sometimes when she was awake, _I_ did not visibly react and neither did Conner or Robin. Could you explain why Robin is the only one who is getting yelled at?"

Wally stuttered nervously. "H-He was the leader after you –"

"And yet, the only reason he was leader was because I sacrificed myself and left you all by yourselves!" Kaldur interjected coldly. "He had to make choices that I am certain he believed would have spared the planet in the end. Batman just said that the scenario we were in was unbeatable, so dying was going to be the end result no matter what. Did you even ask for Robin's personal opinion about what he did, or are you too angry to even think rationally? _What would you have done?_ "

Artemis looked away, red in the face, but there were no tears in her eyes. Conner looked like he wanted to punch something or someone that looked at him funny. M'gann had ignored all of this, still reeling in guilt over what she did by accident while Captain Marvel consoled her. Black Canary and Batman had begun slouching a little, exhausted and probably a little shocked at Kaldur's outburst.

"I….I don't know…" Wally said finally.

"Then I suggest you keep your accusations to yourself. We may have to make calls like that in the future and you have no room to accuse Robin of anything until you realize that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few." Kaldur looked back at Robin and added. "I was not there to witness it, but I understand that you were trying to do the right thing."

Somehow, that felt worse that Wally yelling at him. Robin _did_ hold someone's life in his hands for the first time. It wasn't like a civilian or even literally holding onto them, it was making calls that would mean he might never see them again. He _lied_ to his team, gave them false hope.

 _Just like Batman would…_

Robin sighed and tried to ignore the stares he was receiving as he headed towards the Zeta tube. He needed to lie down…

 _Recognize: Robin. B01._

* * *

Wally could still feel Kaldur and Conner glaring at him, like being tossed between hot lava and an icy glacier. Conner looked like he was madder at himself than Wally, but he still made a point of telling the Speedster that Robin wasn't the bad guy.

"Then who is?" Wally asked.

Conner opened his mouth to answer, but he looked away, glaring at whatever it was he was looking at. Wally thought that he couldn't come up with a retort, but then Conner said something under his breath.

"You don't know how I feel."

Wally backed away when he heard Conner say that, uncertain if he was talking to Wally or to himself. All he knew was that A) Conner had just stormed out of the small room Black Canary was using for the counseling sessions and B) Wally was still trying to wrap his head around what came out of his mouth last week. So many confusing things, but Wally figured Conner felt more protective over Robin ever since the prank the Team and Zatanna pulled on Batman and Superman several weeks back.

It had taken almost an entire day for Batman to change his mind about punishing the Team and decided to do something much worse than punish them himself…

He contacted their parents.

It never occurred to Wally that what the Team was doing _actually_ put Batman and Superman's identities at risk. The Man of Steel had to be kept low profile and any interaction between him and Batman outside of costume meant one thing. Reporters. People trying to learn more about them. Doing whatever they could to get some dirt on the two. And then it the attention would be put on both families.

So, while Wally was grounded for two months – the punishment was extended in exchange for allowing him go to the Halloween party that was coming up, he didn't want to miss that – he could only imagine what the others were given as punishments aside from what he gathered. Kaldur was temporarily stripped of leader status – which meant the whole Team couldn't go on missions without a proper leader – while he had to help Batman handle the mess they left from the prank. M'gann was barred from watching her television shows or from using the oven – which was a shame, because she was becoming a good chef – and was barred from using her powers outside of missions in case of emergencies for a week. And that included using mind-links when they wanted to talk about something within earshot of any member of the League and _not_ be overheard.

Zatanna – who he was feeling uncomfortable being in the same room with now – was either spanked or kept from the Team even further, Zatarra calling them a "bad influence." That meant that they would have a harder time seeing her, but Wally wasn't complaining at all. Black Canary took away the television from Conner, acting in what she said was " _in locus parentis_. _"_ He would _not_ want to have Black Canary as a mom. She also enlisted the Kents, who were furious with being manipulated by their "grandson" and had him doing chores around their farm whenever he visited. Which was at least once a week. On the bright side, Conner was fed apple pie when his punishment was lifted, so at least Wally knew his friend got some delayed gratification from it all.

Artemis was barred from using her phone for two months also, her family – Wally wasn't sure how much of a say Green Arrow had in the punishment, but he was certain he contributed to whatever Artemis had to endure – also forbade her from using her bow for leisurely time or practice, forcing her to go through with dealing with hand-to-hand combat sparring outside of missions. Needless to say, Artemis was lucky to have a little time to keep her archery skills sharp during the punishment period which has had yet to subside.

Robin had to spend time in-between schooling, missions and homework writing a ten-thousand-word essay on why his part in the prank was wrong and the consequences that followed were. As for the reporter, Lois, and Agent A…Wally didn't know how Batman dealt with those two, but he swore he overheard something about waffles and a flamethrower. Then again, Robin might have just been messing with him again and –

He froze, trying to ignore the quiet resignation on his best friend's face. Wally _accused_ Rob – aw fuck it – Dick of something that he had no choice in the matter. He made it sound like Dick was willing to betray his own team for the sake of the mission; which, in hindsight, really didn't make that much sense when considered that they were dealing with a _fucking alien invasion at the time!_

But Wally didn't want to talk to him, it was uncomfortable being in the same room with Dick. They both needed space. He didn't know how to talk to his friend, there was something inside of him that just…shut down after Kaldur ripped him a new one. Quickly grabbing a bag of popcorn from the microwave and transferring the contents into a large bowl, Wally walked into the makeshift "therapist's office" for his session.

Whatever Black Canary decided to try in that office, he was ready.

* * *

Robin saw Conner marching – _no_ , _it looks like he's storming_ – down the hall only a minute or two after his session with Black Canary began. He willed his numb body to move from his spot on the couch and began following him.

 _Conner's mad, better make sure he doesn't wreck anything._ Robin thought. _Don't have Krptonite on me, so that option's out. Punching something might help, but what?_

As he crept behind Conner at a safe distance – no telling how powerful his super hearing was – Robin realized that he was heading towards one of the secret exits. The same one that everyone sans Artemis was waiting by when the Team first started out, hoping that someone would give them a mission already. And now, here they were, just coming to a week into recovering from the worst training scenario ever.

Conner stopped marching, turned his head back and glared. Robin smiled awkwardly before Conner relaxed a little and huffed.

"You don't have to stalk me." Conner said simply. He went towards a small area in the hallway where several motorbikes were propped up and selected one of the red ones. Robin chose the other red motorbike and followed him.

"I want to be alone." Conner said in a warning tone.

"So do I." Robin countered. "We can be alone together."

Conner raised an eyebrow at the statement and Robin coughed awkwardly.

"I mean," Robin started again, "it's getting a little depressing being around the others. Mind if I join you?"

Conner looked at him for a moment before huffing. "Fine. But no talking."

"Cool."

They both started up their vehicles and made their way to the exit before coming to a temporary halt.

"RT, open the door." Robin said aloud, knowing that the red android was connected to the Cave's systems. His request was granted and Robin could start feeling the cool breeze from outside. A large sphere – which Conner had dubbed Sphere from several missions ago – rolled in front of them, like it didn't want them to leave.

"Get out of the way, Sphere." Conner snapped at his 'pet'.

Robin was about to argue that Sphere probably wanted to come with them when his eyes widened in shock at the living machine suddenly changing shape. He half expected a large chick to pop out of it, what with the way Sphere had unfolded itself. Instead, Robin watched in shock and amazement as it turned into a large red car with two large wheels in the back with a driver's seat and one small wheel at the front with a seat behind it.

He and Conner looked at each other, wondering if they were both thinking the same thing.

"I take the driver's seat." Conner said.

"Fine by me." Robin nodded and went to the seat up front. He heard a loud whine and looked behind him, the large white wolf that had the honor of being Conner's first pet looking at the young teen as if saying he wanted to sit there.

"Sorry Wolf." Robin said. "There's just no room."

He didn't know if Sphere heard him or if it was meant to adjust seating arrangements whenever there were more people, but he felt the machine rumble and heard something from behind, a CLING! and when he looked back, he saw an additional seat to the driver's left. Wolf wagged his tail at the sight and clambered onto the vehicle along with his master.

Robin leaned back into his seat and sighed. Maybe a nice drive would do him some good, he would worry about Sphere's new powers later.

Speaking on which, he dug into his left ear and pulled out a small black disc. Robin tossed it aside, knowing that Batman would be pissed about it, but still hoped he would at least understand why he didn't want any communication that wasn't face-to-face.

After a few moments, the transformed vehicle roared to life and he felt the wind blasting in his face, eyes widening when he realized that they were all going up in the air.

* * *

Wally munched on another piece of popcorn, tuning out Black Canary's words. He was fine, he just wanted the session to be over with.

"…you're peachy?" He caught the tail-end of a question and tilted his head sideways so he could look at the impromptu therapist.

"Peachy…" Wally tossed a piece of popcorn in the air and caught it in his mouth. He chewed slowly, catching flavors of parmesan cheese mixed in with the salt and butter. "Not what I'd say, but close enough."

"Nothing you want to talk about?" Black Canary asked.

Wally sighed, she had been trying to get to the point slowly from what he gathered from the others during their previous sessions, but this really felt like an intervention over something he DIDN'T NEED TO TALK ABOUT! She tried different things now; first session was simply asking about his family life – Wally suspected that she feared his parents were mean despite so much evidence against the idea like how his uncle was also the Flash – and trying to act like it was just a regular conversation. Second session got a little bit serious when she brought up school and anything stressful. By the third and fourth session – which Wally was getting tired of, since the Team kept on meeting up with her daily – he knew she was just trying to get to the point.

"Wally." He looked at Black Canary. "Are you sure that there isn't anything you want to talk about?"

"Nothing at all." Wally said. He leaned back against the bottom cushions of the couch he was lying on and sighed.

"You know, we can end this session now if you want to."

"I know." Wally replied. He just felt so relaxed here, nothing that was really bugging him or –

"What about your reaction after the scenario, then?" A kernel got caught in his throat, and Wally chocked for a moment before it was lodged out. He looked at her, trying to keep his heart-rate from going faster that it usually was – which odd to say, since his heart rate averaged that of a rabbit's ever since the accident that gave him his powers _and_ an increased appetite.

So _that's_ her game? Bringing up a sore spot? How low could a person get?

"What about you, babe?" Wally flashed a charming grin at the older woman. "Can I get mention my reaction to the first time we met?"

Black Canary's eyebrow twitched and she sighed. "Wally, I'm a legal adult. You are a minor. I am also dating Green Arrow and I would appreciate you stop flirting with someone who is both illegal and taken."

"It's not illegal on Mars." Wally smirked, silently praying that M'gann didn't come after him in his sleep for making such a joke at her planet's expense.

"Still illegal in the US." Black Canary said. "You must be pretty shocked over what happened afterwards."

"Wait. What are we talking about?"

"You snapping at Robin and blaming him for the whole thing."

"What makes you think I feel bad about it?"

Black Canary narrowed her eyes. "Whenever something serious happens, your typical response is to flirt with anyone nearby."

Wally rolled his eyes and pushed himself into a sitting position. "Riiighht. And I'm the next Hokage of the Hidden Leaf Village."

His amused expression shifted into a frown. "I don't see any proof that tells me you're right."

"First day of training." Black Canary began. "You volunteered to be my sparring partner and began saying that you would 'show me your _moves_ ' afterwards. You've seen me in action before, so I could tell you were trying to lighten the mood."

She smiled. "I know you were trying to calm yourself, but there are better ways of doing so."

Wally huffed. "Okay, that was just _one_ time and –"

"In the report for your mission to protect Doctor Roquette, there was mention from M'gann's part that you mentioned receiving mouth to mouth from her right after accusing Artemis of allowing an assassin to nearly kill the doctor. She had just admitted to being just as guilty and you insisted that Artemis was the reason behind it."

"How was I nervous from that?" Wally crossed his arms.

"You were trying to place the blame solely on Artemis and were making excuses for M'gann. Even if she was distracted by Artemis, M'gann still had a responsibility and failed at that. No one ever likes admitting they're wrong, I've spent enough time arguing with Batman to prove that." Black Canary answered.

"Anything else you want to add?"

"You chocked on popcorn and changed the topic about myself during this session."

"Hey, I got an idea." Wally suddenly smiled. He unlatched his wristwatch and dangled it on one end. "We can try hypnosis. Let me see if I can get it to work."

"Wally." Black Canary began as Wally dashed right in front of her.

"Look. Into my watch." Wally chanted as he swung the watch back and forth.

"Stop it." Black Canary stood up and crossed his arms.

"I." Wally held up his watch to her face and continued dangling it. "Don't need. To talk about it!"

And with that, he pulled the watch away and latched it back around his wrist. Wally then turned around and faced the wall, trying to keep his temper under control and failing. His face felt so hot and he didn't want to talk to Canary about his problems that were non-existent or any accusations that he was rejecting help.

"If you don't need help, then why are you still here?"

Wally clenched his fists and unclenched them. He was close to punching something but he couldn't think up a response. "I don't know. Why is it you look so pretty, it's almost a crim –"

He froze in mid-sentence. He was doing it again. Crap! He was just proving her point further, and there wasn't much on his case that supported differently.

"I don't want to talk about the mission, okay?" Wally said quietly.

"Alright." Black Canary said softly. "Then do you want to end this session and call it a day?"

There was silence while he thought. And then…

"No." Wally shook his head. "There's still something I want to talk about."

"Okay then." Wally could swear that she was smiling behind his back, but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing, right? He marched back to his couch and sat down. He didn't feel that tired anymore and couldn't help but feel something off in his gut that wasn't related to popcorn.

If he kept keeping it to himself, then there was no way it was going to leave anytime soon.

"Black Cana…Dinah." He spoke. "Do you…do you think I was being too harsh on Robin?"

* * *

"Well…" Robin said slowly. "That was…interesting…"

Interesting was an understatement. Between the Forever People of New Genesis and Intergang, 'relaxing' cannot be used to describe the situation the two of them were just put into.

Still, it was an exciting experience nonetheless. He was thankful that it was able to help take his mind off what was going on. Conner seemed to turn into a completely different person in the situation, protective and open instead of shutting everyone out and rejecting any attempts at conversation. Robin didn't feel comfortable taking the lead on this one, thankful that he still had his utility belt on him just in case.

Sometimes, it paid to be paranoid.

And now, they were flying back towards the Cave where they would most likely get a lecture for leaving without authorization from anybody who wasn't made of metal painted red and could control the winds to make tornadoes.

"Sure was." Conner said, quickly mastering control of Sphere's flying motorbike form. Wolf sat in his seat with his tongue sticking out and flapping in the breeze. Robin chuckled at that sight and turned back to the front. This was another way he could fly; if only he had wings…

"You doing alright?" Robin looked back again and faced Conner. "You did just learn that you were keeping New Genesis technology as a pet, right?"

"Yeah." Conner looked down, his eyes looking away. "Just…a lot to take in."

"I know." Robin agreed. "But it was still better than staying in the Cave all mopey. I really don't know what the League was thinking, to be honest. Were they afraid if they let us out, we were going to do something horrible to ourselves?"

"Supervision." Conner looked up to see Robin's questioning look and added. " _Adult_ supervision. Still not trusting us."

"I don't think trust was part of it, Con." Robin said, trying to be heard over the din that Sphere was making. "I'm just wondering why they thought keeping us locked up was a good idea in the first place."

"If they have a problem with that, they answer to me." Conner growled.

Robin chuckled. "I'm sorry? Is this coming from the guy with super-strength who _couldn't_ beat Black Canary, someone _without_ physical superpowers?"

"I'm better, now." Conner said. "Way better."

"Then I better make the arrangements."

"For what?" Conner raised an eyebrow.

"For the rematch…and the funeral." Robin added quickly.

Conner smirked. "I don't think so."

"Okay, just don't come crying to me when you have your ass handed to you on a silver platter _again_ , while everyone else watches."

"How about we make this interesting?" Conner's smirk grew wider. "I win the match; the funeral is off and you owe me an apology. If I lose, I have to wear rubber diving suit for the funeral."

"Deal." Robin held out his hand, Conner reached his own out and they both shook on it.

"And Conner?" Conner looked at Robin. "Thanks. For…you know, letting me come along."

Conner smiled. "What are cousins for?"

"Cousins?" Robin said in mock-surprise. "You mean _you're_ part Kryptonian, too?"

Both boys laughed loudly, remembering the day those words were spoken with a fondness. It felt nice to be with family, again.

* * *

Wally looked up as Robin came in, his face growing hot as he remembered the accusation he made against his best friend. How could he approach him? What was the best way to get up close and personal with a half nerd, half ninja without getting a broken arm?

Thankfully, Artemis had decided to test his theory of approach by walking up to Robin.

"Hey." She said.

"Hey." Robin replied back, sounding a bit more refreshed than he was earlier. Conner walked past the two of them, Black Canary was waiting for him in her 'office'.

Artemis looked up at the ceiling and back at Robin. "About what I said…it was stupid and wrong and inaccurate. I'm sorry."

Robin sighed.

"Does that mean you're not going to forgive me or…" Artemis struggled to think of something to say when Robin spoke up.

"I just need some space."

He looked at Wally, who felt like he was going to get ripped a new one since he wasn't a girl and therefore easier to lash out against.

"Same goes to you too, Wally. Nothing personal." Robin inhaled through his nose. "Try and get outside. Being in the Cave is too depressing."

Wally nodded numbly and watched as Robin walked down up to the TV and turned it on. M'gann looked up from her place in the kitchen, a bowl of cake batter in her hand as she looked at the boy in surprise. Kaldur was nowhere to be seen, but Black Canary said that he went into his room to meditate.

 _I'll build a stairway to paradise with a new step everyday_

Wally felt his lips stretch into a smile as he recognized the scene and the tune.

 _I'm going to get there at any price, stand aside, I'm on my way_

Artemis looked on with interest, whispering to Wally what it was that Robin had just put on.

 _I've got the blues and up above it's so fair_

 _Shoes, go on and carry me there_

 _I'll build a stairway to paradise with a new step everyday_

Wally found himself walking towards the couch, smiling as he remembered the first time he watched this film. Robin clearly didn't plan this, it was just a matter of timing and being on the right channel.

"Mind if I sit here?" He asked quietly.

"Only if you bring popcorn." Robin responded.

* * *

"Robin." Black Canary greeted. "Red Tornado informed me that you had accompanied Conner when he went out today. Everything alright?"

"I'm feeling a bit better." Robin gave a weak grin as he walked in. Batman was, thankfully, not glaring at him when he returned to the Cave. It might have helped that he was just given information about what was going on with Sphere and that the Forever People were involved. "Needed a break and Conner provided an out. So I took it."

"No one blames you, Robin." Black Canary said. "None of what happened was your fault."

"I _lied_ to my team – "

"To keep them going until the mission was done." Black Canary countered. "Do you think it would have been better to tell them the truth straight out and have them deal with that pain for even longer?"

Robin opened his mouth to reply, but couldn't think of anything to say. He never wanted his friends to know the truth, it just would have been too much. But did that make it okay?

"Can I still hate myself for doing that?" Robin asked.

"Well, as Machiavelli would say, 'If the end is right, it justifies the means.' You did what you had to." Black Canary said.

"Is that supposed to help?" Robin asked quietly. Black Canary flinched. "My team was counting on me to lead them and ever since this whole gig started, I _wanted_ to lead. I wanted to take command. And look where it got me: a suicide mission that was all for nothing and my best friend hating me for it."

"Wally's starting to realize that it wasn't your fault." Black Canary said gently. "Kaldur got it into him that he was being unfair, after all."

"Does Batman have to deal with this?"

This question caught Black Canary off guard, and she even sat up straighter. Robin frowned at what he saw; it was more telling than he expected it to be.

"That's not me." He said. "I'm not a Machiavelli. I'm supposed to help people and prevent anything bad happening to them, not a puppet master having his marionettes perform movements that only he could understand."

Robin sighed. "Batman would be so disappointed if he heard all of this."

"That's only if I tell him." Black Canary said. "And that would be breaking rules of conduct between me and the patient. If he hears about this, it'll only because you wanted him to know."

"I guess I wanted to be the leader because…that was something _he_ would do. And that if I could do that, I'd be a step closer towards becoming Batman." Robin said. He suddenly looked up. "Don't get me wrong, I'm _not_ giving up on the hero gig."

At her nod, Robin continued. "But…you know….this mission…I can't believe I'm saying this. This mission, this _training session_ actually had me taking something out of it in the end.

"I'm not Batman. I will never _become_ Batman and everything that it entails for me. To lie and trick others, even if it's for their own good…I can never imagine myself doing that to the people I care about. To the people I work with. To the people that I'm protecting. They deserve better than to be manipulated. And if being Batman means doing that all the time, I don't want any of that. No one could trust someone like that if pushed too far."

Robin's eyes widened in surprise. _Where did_ that _come from? I sounded like a philosopher for a moment!_

"That's a very mature decision, Robin. And do you want to know something?" Robin nodded, unsure of where it was going. "I think Batman would respect that and be very proud of you for making that choice on your own."

Something happened, he didn't know what it was. Was it his sudden laughter at Black Canary's comment? Or was it the strange mixture of giddiness and relief and shock that swirled around him like a stomach filled with nothing but water? Maybe it was the fact that he suddenly stood up and started pacing the room, some weird expression coming over his face.

In the end, all he could remember after coming out of that room afterwards was looking at Batman, waiting to bring him back to the Manor. And for the first time in years, Robin felt something about his person change. It was like a burden being lifted off his shoulders. Looking into his mentor's eyes and seeing so much pain and exhaustion in them made Robin realize even further that everything he went through in that scenario was nothing compared to what Batman had to deal with regularly.

Right then and there, Robin made a promise to try and lift the burden off the older man's shoulders; somehow, someway.

Things started going back to normal within another week. It started becoming noisy again in the Cave and there wasn't much of an issue with training, either. But there were no more simulations like that ever again. After the stupor it put everyone in, Martian Manhunter never tried it again, afraid that the consequences would be worse than before if M'gann doesn't learn how to control her powers properly.

And there were still nights that Robin woke up gasping, halfway out of that nightmare-ish mission, right in the middle of being burnt to death by an explosion. And of course, counseling wasn't out of the picture. It went back to being a weekly occurrence instead of a daily one. There were always issues to be brought up. He even started seeing Wally's name on the calendar for appointments more frequently after Halloween, but he didn't question his friend on that. It was his business, not the Boy Wonder's.

But if the time came where Wally needed his help and asked for it, Robin would answer the call.

That's what friends were for.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** I looked at a few of the fics that had the Team getting mad at Robin and I looked closely at one of them to see WHY they were mad at him to begin with. The episode that took place after Failsafe had Artemis mentioning that she was NOT traumatized by the whole thing, so why are people ignoring canon like that? One fic, _The Broken Team_ , states that Artemis felt the emotional strain even though she was in a coma at the time and blamed Robin for things she NEVER SAW. They made Conner more concerned about M'gann rather than being mad at himself for understanding what it is like to be in Superman's shoes, even Kaldur got on the blame wagon at first, which is pretty out of character.

Robin did NOT betray his team for the sake of the mission. I am no soldier, but I am certain that there are orders made that the leader is forced to give if it means more people will be saved at the cost of his or her men. And Wally being mad at Robin for lying about the rays earlier doesn't make much sense, would he rather Robin said "Yeah, these rays killed our teammates and did NOT teleport them to a prison. So yeah, we're screwed." Imagine him saying that; the Team would lose hope and be demoralized. Better for them to learn later and while they have a job to finish rather than before they execute the plan. Sometimes, not letting someone know they are in danger makes it easier for them to act the way you want them to if you want them to live through the day. Not fair in some cases, but it works.

The therapy sessions were kind of confrontational in the episode. Sometimes, you have to ease into the subject matter at hand when you were ready and not be forced into talking about it by your therapist. Considering how dire their mental states were, the daily sessions sound like something soldiers might have after some huge event. I remember my counseling sessions at college and it took a few weeks before I could get to the matter I wanted to discuss the first time around.

Thanks for reading. Please review!

In the writing world, I will see you.


	22. Red Arrow's Identity Crisis

**Author's Note:** I'm so sorry for the long absence, everyone. Update on the story and what's going to happen from now on. I'm entering my senior year at college, and taking 6 courses plus one half of a class. Meaning I will have little time to myself that doesn't involve reading fics or physically unwinding from the day. I hope to have at least an update or two a month, so please don't think this is a hiatus. I will be posting similar messages on my other stories.

Also wanted to address some reviews from last chapter.

 **AstrisDreams** : Thank you for agreeing with the whole Artemis thing. The prank mentioned in the last chapter was from **We Love Our Two Dads**. It involved Superboy and Robin getting payback on Superman and dragging everyone around them into it. Worst fic I ever wrote because when I looked back at it; Superboy was written like a six-year old, people were OOC in some places, Batman WASN'T being the Detective he is supposed to be and the Team got away with a light scolding. I promised karma on them and I delivered. The serious thing was just Wally being nervous. I noticed that Wally tends to go into "flirt" mode whenever he is nervous or stressed: He flirted with Canary in the training episode out of cockiness and to calm himself, he got flustered when Miss Martian pointed out she was also at fault for Cheshire getting in and Wally just wanted to have another reason to be mad at Artemis, and then choking on popcorn during the session in canon when Artemis' death was brought up and wanted to talk about something else. Also, Robin never agreed with Canary's quote from _The Prince_. He thought it was despicable and also thinks that the end doesn't justify the means.

 **Artemis Raven Courtney** : We talked about this in the pms and I do think that some of the punishments were a little much. That was me wanting to make sure no Karma Houdini was in effect. But like I said, harsh punishments that are a bit much wouldn't be OOC for Batman. Thank you for your points.

Feel free to go to the page on TV Tropes and add stuff. I already got a lot on it and wouldn't mind edits or additions I never thought of before.

Last thing; this chapter isn't that long, I'm afraid. It's also pretty weak, in my opinion. I really wanted to avoid shooing away the comedy aspect in this chapter. Enjoy!

* * *

 **Disclaimer:** Did the Justice League ever attempt to make contact with Red Arrow, especially during the time that a temporary Den Mother was needed? If not, all rights to Young Justice Belong to Cartoon Network and DC Comics.

* * *

 _Recognize Speedy B06_.

Red Arrow sighed. This was the fifth time this month this happened. The culprit made no attempt to keep their identity hidden.

"It's Red Arrow, B06." Red Arrow repeated a tired refrain, knowing it would just call him Speedy when he made his way out. Why did he ever bother visiting the Cave, _again_?

A cackle echoed throughout the Cave, filled with childish glee and impishness. _Oh yeah_. Red Arrow remembered. _I had to play Den Mother for these Justice League wannabes._

He didn't want to do this, he never wanted to associate with anyone who kowtowed to people who kept even the most basic of information from them, like the Watchtower in space, for instance. But somehow, Red Arrow was located by Captain Marvel and requested help for keeping an eye on – he shuddered at the name later on – the _Team_ while Red Tornado was gone. Something about him going off with two other androids that looked a lot like him…

Thankfully, this role he was assigned – or forced into, since Captain Marvel threatened to tell Batman like a little kid would – didn't require much. For starters, Black Canary was the one who dealt with training them and Batman assigned missions. All Red Arrow had to do was stay overnight and make sure that anyone living in the Cave like he did wouldn't get hurt.

He snorted at that idea as he made his way into the kitchen area – which he had to admit was a lot better than his apartment. Why would a Superman-mini and a telepathic Martian he was beginning to view with suspicion need maintenance? _Oh yeah,_ he remembered, _because they can't even take care of themselves._

With a television blaring on static for some reason an hour or two a day and the kitchen constantly a mess from telepathic accidents, Red Arrow had made it a rule to himself to _never_ have dinner or make it in the environment he was forced into. With Superboy being a walking time-bomb and the kitchen being occupied frequently, there just wasn't much room for him to do much.

Thank God for take-out and his bank account. With a fair amount of cash from the trust fund that Oliver set up for him a few years back and untouched for the next three years, it could only be considered a stroke of luck that his former guardian decided to open up a bank account for him and fill it up with cash. But he was careful, getting food from places that were cheap and decent.

And not selling dogmeat; Red Arrow was retching up his dinner later that night after he found out and brought that practice to light and let the media destroy the establishment that sold it in the first place. Also, the restaurant would _never_ be in Gotham, too many crazies that ought to be killed. He didn't want to wind up in a situation a la Sweeney Todd, either.

Red Arrow was brought out of his musings by the sound of shouting. He sighed. _Three guesses who. First hint; one half is the epitome of a black hole. Second hint; she's my replacement._

"You are _still denying_ that magic exists when _there is a bucket full of evidence supporting the opposite_! Explain that with your science!"

 _Oh great._ Red Arrow thought sarcastically. _They're fighting over_ that _again._

Wally talked in a level voice, slowly becoming more aggravated as he spoke. "Okay, let me start off by saying that; one, Zatarra is an illusionist and probably has access to –"

"Would you both just drop it?!" Superboy's angry voice was amplified by the cave walls. "I've been hearing this argument for the past two weeks! No one _cares_ , so drop it!"

"Stay out of it, Superboy!" Artemis snapped. Red Arrow walked into the hallway leading into the bedrooms just in time to see Artemis cowering under Superboy's glare.

"Make me." He growled.

"Alright, that's enough everyone!" Red Arrow marched up to the three teens and placed himself in front of Superboy. "I don't want to know what started it, and I don't want to know why you're still fighting about. Just drop it and not look at each other."

"Or else you'll send us to our rooms?" Wally asked.

"Without dinner." Red Arrow added.

All three teens looked pensive at that statement for a minute…Wally broke the silence.

"But I don't live here."

"Me neither." Artemis smirked. "So you can't do anything to us."

"I can call Batman."

This brought out chuckles from the two. Superboy looked at them with distain before walking off, muttering that he was surrounded by idiots. Red Arrow made a mental note to get Black Canary's advice on how she dealt with him.

"And your parents!" Red Arrow added quickly when the chuckling grew louder. "And I'll tell them you're in a relationship with each other."

The chuckling stopped.

Red Arrow thought he had succeeded in his mission when he noticed the intense glares that Artemis and Wally were giving him simultaneously. And it somehow made him _not_ want to laugh.

Artemis was the first to speak. "Why is that _everyone's_ first response when they see us fighting?! Is it amusing or something?!"

"Seriously, Roy," Wally snapped, "how would you like it if someone kept seeing you as a couple with some girl –"

"Or guy." Artemis added. "Not that there's anything wrong with that."

" _Or_ guy," Wally begrudgingly agreed, "and assumed that you two were in a relationship?"

Red Arrow stepped back slowly, trying to remember the protocol that Black Canary mentioned to him that involved what to do if Artemis and Wally were to gang up on him simultaneously. While he did this, Red Arrow felt the urge to kick himself. There was a mention about never making implications about relationships. Apparently, there was an incident a while back involving a water hose, three pairs of pants, and a toaster the last time someone tried that…

"Okay, okay, I take it back." He said rather quickly. "Sorry. Just… _stop fighting_!"

Both teens sighed in relief at the implications.

"But I'm still going to tell your parents!" He added quickly. And then he left, desperate for something to take his frustrations out on. He couldn't stay a minute longer and it wasn't like they had the Justice League _not_ on speed-dial. It was just for a little bit, Batman would never let him hear the end of it if he heard Red Arrow had abandoned his post while Red Tornado was missing in action.

 _Recognize ArrowButt B06._

"That's Red Arrow B06!"

* * *

 _Recognize Speedy B06._

"It's _Red_ Arrow B06!" Red Arrow growled as the Zeta tube flashed to life. _Robin just can't let me live down the whole 'hissy fit' he keeps accusing me of pulling the 4_ _th_ _of July, can't he?_ He thought angrily. It wasn't his fault that the League was keeping secrets from them all; not telling them about the Watchtower, not actually welcoming them into the Justice League, and for making Red Arrow leave in disgust. The three of them just stood there when he suggested leaving together. He gave them a chance, they were at fault for not taking it when they had it.

It wasn't like he was desperate for someone to hang out with. That wasn't why he came back to the Cave for no apparent reason.

Dear God, he was lonely…

Maybe he should just go back to wherever he came from and try getting the Justice League's attention somehow.

"Hey!"

He ignored Superboy's cry and went back into the Zeta tube.

 _Recognize SuperWeener B06._

"Red Arrow B06!" As if that would change anything.

* * *

 _Recognize Mister Arrow B06_

"Red Arrow B06." Red Arrow grumbled.

It was the fourth time that this had happened. No matter how many times he changed it whenever the designation was altered, it would just change again in a few minutes. Red Arrow confronted Robin over this, but the kid just said he didn't do it.

 _Yeah, the hacker who could break into almost any security system was claiming to be innocent in this whole thing. Leave it to the Boy Wonder to mess with the system and have it call me something_ other _than Speedy. But why is Mister Arrow actually an improvement over that?!_

"Why am I here again?" He said out loud. Then he saw everyone under the age of 18 starting to lie down on tables circling each other with Martian Manhunter in the middle. Whatever was going on, he didn't want anything to do with it. And the rest of the League, too. Was this some sort of intervention?

 _Recognize SirCannotComeUpWithAGoodNameAndDecidesToStealOneFromHisMentorWhoStoleIdeasFromBatman B06._

"Godammit!"

* * *

 _Recognize I'mAPrettyPrincess B06_

Red Arrow contemplated his next action, especially since the system seemed to be doing everything in its power to mock it.

"That's it." Red Arrow said in a blank voice. "I'm outta here."

He turned around to face the Zeta tube, much to the surprise of the people in the room - Robin, Aqualad, Kid Flash and Miss Martian who had witnessed his appearance and tired response – and spoke once more.

"By the way, Robin. It stopped being funny the second time you messed with it."

 _Recognize Red Arrow B06_

"That's Red Arr –" He halted in mid-rant, the words clicking in his mind. _Finally,_ he thought _, a little respect._

In the flash of light, he was gone.

And he didn't come back until Robin issued an apology several weeks later. Along with 50 bucks. And didn't come back again...

* * *

 **Author's Note:** The disclaimer part was inspired by **Silently Watches**. He said he was alright with the disclaimer style imitated (though I wasn't sure at the time). If you want humor, check out **Faery Heroes** on his page. Or **Itachi, Is That a Baby?** by **SpoonandJohn**. Hilarious stuff. Really want to reach their level somehow.

The strange thing about Red Arrow's name constantly changing is that he never called Robin out on it. And still kept coming despite the fact that Robin would just change it. And why would he keep coming if he didn't want to associate with the Team?


	23. Halloween Interlude

**Author's Note:** Huh, few reviews last time. Thanks to those who did respond. Be sure to spread the word about this fic.

 **Bored321** , I admit that I don't really like Red Arrow's characterization in the cartoon, he was just so...whiny! And he pushed away his friends so easily when he didn't get into the Justice League and left their mentors like he did, forgetting that they are either minors or depend on their mentors. And him saying that they weren't in his league when talking to Cheshire and THEN calling Aqualad for help really irritated me (I guess calling Aqualad was meant to show him swallowing his pride and showing character development).

Hope you enjoy this short chapter.

* * *

 **Disclaimer:** Did we ever see Red Arrow dress up for Halloween? If not, all rights to Young Justice belong to DC Comics and Cartoon Network.

* * *

He took a deep breath and released it. Oliver had left for some gala and dumped him at Wally's home. It wasn't fair! He was sixteen, why did he have to get stuck with babysitting duties? Sure, the police could handle crime back home and he wanted to spend the day doing something other than beating up idiots in ridiculous outfits all of the time, but Roy really thought that this was ridiculous.

But when he knocked on the door and was greeted by a nervous-looking man that looked like Wally's dad, Roy started wondering if Ollie deliberately left him with a potential training exercise instead. He could see it; the panic on the man's face, the bags under his eyes, the small boy running around the house and talking so fast that his voice sounded high-pitched.

Yep. Ollie _definitely_ gave him special training under the guise of trick-or-treating.

So that's where Roy was now; dressed in a smaller version – no, not miniature! – of Green Arrow's outfit, with his trick arrows and bow just in case something happened. Almost vibrating by his side was a thirteen-year old dressed as Superman with carrot-top hair.

"Don't let Wally eat _any_ candy." Wally's father said in a stern voice, Wally huffed in the background. His father gave him a ' _Please, do what I say so we can sleep a bit easier tonight'_ look on his face and looked back at Roy. "He's supposed to eat his energy bars once every half-hour, his uncle said they would help Wally get through the night without starving. Any questions?"

"…why does he have to eat every half hour if candy's out of the question?" Roy quickly realized that it was a stupid thing to ask, since he had an idea of what the answer was.

Wally's father responded in a monotone voice, as if he had given the explanation before. "The candy has too much sugar, the energy bars don't. While they don't provide satisfactory flavor, and won't supplement for a meal, they have enough calories and nutrients back into them to compensate for energy burnt from power usage. Wally –"

Wally stood in attention.

"Don't give your babysitter a hard time and keep your phone on you in case of an emergency. And remember; no 'you-know-what' unless there's no other option. Got it?"

Wally nodded and began grumbling when his father kissed him on the forehead and told him to stay safe. Roy snickered, but his stomach still quivered at the sight. He almost wanted to ask Mr. West if he could get a kiss on the forehead too, but shook that thought aside. It would be very weird outside on context. Besides, he was almost an adult. Roy needed to assert his maturity by showing independence whenever he could.

Wally's neighborhood turned out to be pretty rambunctious during the one time of the year. Roy was seeing children running around onto the street without a care, knocking on doors at random, screaming the tradition 'TRICK-OR-TREAT!', regardless of who answered. Compared to the attitude demonstrated back in Star City, where kids secluded themselves to only their neighborhood – even if it meant a smaller haul – Keystone City looked and acted like they never heard of the word, crime.

"Hey, do I know you?" Roy heard someone behind him while Wally was rewarded with two large chocolate bars in one house. He turned to see who was talking to him and nearly gulped when he saw the glare. The woman dressed in an ill-fitting – and rather revealing – Wonder Woman outfit looked at Roy as though he had just committed murder, robbery and stole from an old lady.

Roy looked around to see if she was directing her glare at someone else and sighed when he saw that it wasn't the case. "Is there a problem, miss?"

Ollie would have given him a thumbs up for remembering those drilled-in manners required for the monthly gala.

"Do you know anyone by the name of Oliver Queen?" The glare intensified.

"Who hasn't?" Roy looked back at Wally and was almost thankful that he wanted Roy to get something from the house he was at – no bag with him, but it would give him an excuse to get away from the crazy lady looking at him.

He started heading towards the house Wally directed him towards when he heard the woman speaking again, but this time, it was to Wally.

"Do you know who you're with, young man?"

"My…friend?"

"He looks _exactly_ like the ward to that womanizer!" The woman's voice grew louder with each word. "That brat's been living with a pervert! Acting like women are props! I bet he's screwed around with some hooker his _guardian_ brought into the house."

"Hey, where'd you get those arrows?" Roy ignored the man at the door and made his way back to where Wally was, backing away from the woman who was starting to spew anything she could think that started with 'that nasty Queen-womanizer' to simply ranting about men. A small crowd was forming and a few people were beginning to step in between the Wonder Woman-wannabe and Wally, trying to diffuse the situation.

"Leave him alone." Roy said coldly, taking a hold of Wally's hand and pulling the boy behind him. He felt a sharp SLAP! across his face a moment later.

"What're you gonna do about it, brat?!" The woman was screaming in face. "You gonna hit a woman? Think that'll make you look tough? That's rich, coming from some brat raised by a playb –"

Roy's fist met the woman's face and she went down for a moment. As she lunged towards him again, Roy sidestepped her and grabbed one arm and twisted it, forcing her to the ground again.

"LET ME GO!" The woman screeched. "YOU'RE HURTING A DEFENSELESS WOMAN!"

Roy bit down on his lip and snarled. "Okay, first off, you. Hit. Me. First. And second; so?!"

"Just like a man to –" The woman started screaming when Roy began twisting the arm further.

"Leave my friend alone, go home, and rethink your life." Roy whispered harshly.

"Call a therapist, too." Wally muttered behind him. "I think you need one."

* * *

When Wally told his parents what had happened later that night, they almost forbade him from interacting with Roy any further. Barry Allen – Roy snorted, amused that the Flash's real name was Barry – pointed out that Roy defended Wally from some crazed woman. Wally's father countered, saying that Roy drew attention to Wally in the first place, but gave in when Wally said that the woman started it and that it wasn't Roy's fault.

Roy ended up meeting up with Wally on the weekends afterwards, giving Wally tips on how to flirt and not let someone push you around. Wally showed off his favorite games and snacks and almost went into shock when Roy took him to the beach for the first time.

And Ollie was hounded by reporters who were following rumors that someone that looked a lot like his ward was seen in Keystone City, attacking a well-known 'feminist' after she struck him.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** I am so sorry for the long absence. Last year of college is keeping me busy from doing lengthy chapters. I hope this Halloween update along with a better Roy chapter is good compensation. The fics I read (I _do_ enjoy them) where Roy hangs out with Dick and Wally never brings up the idea that the ward of a celebrity might be recognized by someone else in another city.

As always, I appreciate requests that don't have Robin as a focus. The Team deserves so much attention. And be sure to check out the fic's page on TV Tropes. It needs some love.

In the writing world, I will see you.

Happy Halloween!


	24. Clark and Conner

**Author's Note:** Don't forget to review and check out the TV Tropes page. I would appreciate additional pieces to the page that I might have missed (plus, I don't know if it is cool to add stuff on a page about something I wrote). Also looking for Beta Readers for anyone with experience in Star Wars, BH6, and Love Hina (for _Child Prodigy_ ).

* * *

 **Disclaimer:** Was Superman's only positive interaction with Conner by the end of Season One the equivalent of a "erm…nice job, I guess…", even though by that time, they were barely on the screen together? Really? Then I better put back this Kryptonite before Batman finds out and credit Young Justice as property of DC Comics and Cartoon Network.

* * *

"Do you bleed?"

Superman had that question asked one time, by Batman as they were both starting out. Thankfully, it wasn't under aggressive circumstances that could have been avoided with simply talking to each other – Superman wasn't an idiot, regardless of what people thought of Kansas and its inhabitants – but more out of curiosity.

He grinned, still in that phase of trying to coax a similar expression out of Batman. "Almost every living being on this planet has to, I suppose."

"That wasn't a joke." Batman's stoic expression didn't change.

Superman sighed. "I've never suffered injuries that could cause that to happen…so I don't know."

Several months later, Batman's question was answered. Superman _could_ bleed and _did._ A surprising amount. A creature, later codenamed Doomsday, had crashed into Earth and began wreaking havoc. At the time, the Justice League consisted of Hal Jordan, Batman, Wonder Woman, Black Canary, the Flash, Martian Manhunter, himself, and Aquaman.

So. Much. Blood.

Metropolis risked destruction. His friends and family risked destruction. But with each blow that Doomsday dealt, Superman returned two in favor. Hal Jordon's ring was practically useless against the enemy, the raw power too much to be contained. Black Canary could only use her Canary Cry from a distance. Flash dealt with crowd control and rescuing teammates from impending death. Kryptonite proved useless, forcing Batman to retreat and attempt to analyze the creature.

Aquaman did not want to talk about it.

J'onn was the most helpful, being able to match Doomsday with strength and speed, though his telepathy couldn't break the creature's mind.

All were practically helpless except for him, only making bumps where Doomsday make dents. Rubble. Punches. Blood. So much of it. Superman had felt his heart slowing down, his breaths turning into pants, his knuckles red and aching.

It was a spear that did Doomsday in, sinking into the heart. Superman volunteered, ready to die for his adopted world, but J'onn said, and he had been quoted:

"You're injured, I'm not. Don't be an idiot."

Of course, J'onn meant to say he wasn't _as_ injured as Superman was, but there were times when words could be minced. Later on, while in the infirmary – as a patient, for the first time – he was told that if the battle continued any further, he would have fallen into a near-death state, a coma. The symptoms were there and examined.

Ma cried when she was brought up to the Watchtower. Pa was silent, tears falling down his face. Lois looked like she wanted to slap him, but chose not to when she realized three things: he didn't need another injury, Batman was glaring at her, and her hand would have suffered more from the action. In the end, she stood vigil by his bedside, combing her hands through his hair and whispering her fear of losing him. Of losing Clark Kent, not Superman.

She had it figured out a long time ago and simply waited. Doomsday had scared her into confessing, afraid of things unsaid.

Recovery took months, even with his vulnerability to magic allowing Zatara to speed up the progress. J'onn acted as a double for Clark Kent. Diana prayed. Black Canary checked on his physical process.

But no one forgot how much blood was spilled.

* * *

Years passed before he thought about that day all over again. When he saw the eyes. _His_ eyes. Younger, but he saw a few physical differences. The jawline was wider, eyes were sharper, forehead bigger.

Superman stopped seeing the boy and started seeing Doomsday instead. A threat to all he held dear. It took a few minutes for him to calm down, after the boy introduced himself as his clone. But he was afraid of speaking, the blood, the terror.

"We'll…figure something out for you. The League will…"

He flew off, wondering if the boy could hear his heart racing.

"…he needs _you_. He needs Red. He needs the Team. _I'm_ just a reminder of what he isn't." Superboy _did_ need all of those people. Clark was reminded of the blood, the battle, the fear. _He's just a victim of this as you are._ He reminded himself. _Superboy isn't a monster. I'll just make things worse!_

"This boy needs his father." Bruce's voice is cold, demanding, as if Clark had just been given a business offer he wasn't allowed to refuse.

"I am _not_ his father!" Clark said sharply. _I'd be a horrible father to him…_

He steps out of the diner with the apple pie in a container. He barely touches it later that night.

* * *

Superboy began trying to get his attention, coming to Metropolis – _risking our identities!_ – and then Lois began grilling him when they broke up.

He blurted out "it", thinking of Doomsday, but was unable to take it back.

He tries going to the bank and ends up in a hostage situation that is stopped by Superboy. He gets enough time to sneak out and change costume, but in his effort not to scream at him – the blood, the pain – he ends up sounding crueler.

Batman yelled at him with a microphone later. Clark wanted to apologize to Sup – to _Conner_ , but things had gotten awkward. Rao, he remembered trying to sound funny. It ended up making him look immature and foolish instead. He still chuckled at the lame joke, needing space.

Next day was worse. Batman forced him to stay in the Cave and monitor the Team, but…he tried talking to Canary about his concerns and was dismissed.

"Get over it. He's not a weapon."

It was like she didn't hear him talk about Doomsday to begin with.

Each time he tried talking to Conner, it ended in disaster. Rumors started spreading about him and Batman, the Team acting borderline crazy, the League not helping at all. It was like they didn't _see_ that the gossip could have potentially lead back to Batman and Superman.

It finally took seeing him interact with Robin – Rao, he missed being called Uncle Clark by him – to see what he was doing. Conner wasn't Doomsday, he wasn't the disaster, he was just some child…technically speaking. He wasn't "stolen" DNA, what happened wasn't his fault. Conner never asked to be made and he never wanted to be a weapon.

Everything afterwards was so confusing, he never wanted to speak of it again. The Team was punished for a prank that could have potentially put his and Batman's secret identities at risk, he and Lois had a hard time looking at each other until late March, and it felt like the gap between him and Conner had widened.

But, despite the potential backlash from Savage brainwashing him and the rest of the League, it gave Clark a chance to finally talk to Conner.

The next day, Conner came to Metropolis Park, muttering under his breath. Clark was at the Daily Planet at the time.

"If you can hear me, please meet me at the park."

Clark flew by around 11:30 and they both began to talk. Clark offered to bring him to Bibbo's Diner for lunch. When they walked in, the waitress asked if Clark was taking his 'son' out for lunch. Clark opened his mouth to answer, but Conner cut in.

"Nah." Conner said. "He's taking out his little brother."

And just like that, Clark found himself demoted to older sibling. He felt a knot in his stomach loosen.

"I mean, we physically look more like siblings than…you know." Conner explained later as they walked out, wiping away grease from the hamburgers they ordered. "You'd have to be 17 when _it_ had happened. You know, my conception…"

"But I wasn't."

"Yeah, but the G-Gnomes said that there are pretty big age differences in siblings, too."

"Where did this 'sibling' thing come from?" Clark scratched his head.

Conner sighed. Clark noticed the shadows under his eyes, now. "Look…I don't feel comfortable with the whole 'parent' thing right now. It's a long story. And I know you're not comfortable with the idea either."

"It was never about the parenting, Conner." Clark cried out. "It was never about you. It's just, the memories connected to you are…"

"Painful?" Clark flinched. "The G-Gnomes told me where the blood came from while I was growing."

"They did?" Clark looked away. "Conner…I _am_ sorry with the way I treated you. It wasn't right."

"All you did was ignore me and tell me to back off once or twice. It wasn't like you took your anger out on me every time we met. I'd probably have done the same thing." Conner shrugged. "It took the whole…prank…for me to get it all sorted out. I kept reaching for the idea of what it meant to be Superman, and I thought, if I could connect with you, that I could gain a better understanding.

"But I don't and all of those times in the past just boiled down to harassment. I let my anger get the better of me and then I realized something…it _hurt_."

Clark clenched his fists, Conner continued in a quieter voice.

"Part of me knew what I was doing was wrong, but the other part…shut down…from the rejection…that part wanted to know you _so_ badly for some reason, that I wouldn't accept anyone else's words except yours. Only your approval mattered, only your criticism mattered. And then I started blacking out…everything felt weird and _I_ was acting weird. Crazy, too.

"The Team said I kind of acted like a little kid and I can _barely_ remember that. All I could remember was Robin's voice keeping me from going off the deep end. Him telling me that he was family and that we would look out for each other. I'm _still_ trying to wrap my head around how I acted, because there are parts that are a blur and parts that I really _wish_ were a blur...Maybe it was another failsafe that Cadmus and Luthor set –"

Clark looked at Conner right as he closed his mouth, his face turning white as he realized what he had just said.

"Luthor?" His voice was so quiet.

"It's nothing." Conner looked away. He flinched when Clark's hand touched his shoulder.

"Conner…what did Luthor have to do with your programming?" _Come to think of it…_ Clark thought _...he_ did _try to take my 'corpse' away after Doomsday went down._

"He…he's my other father…" Clark tried saying something, anything, but his voice wasn't working. Conner took it as meaning something else. "I'm sorry. I'll leave you alone for good, this time."

He jumped high into the air, Clark ran into an alley and discarded his day-clothes. Superman came flying out, using his ears to pick up on where Conner was going. He heard a loud THUMP! and followed it. He flew overhead, hoping to catch sight of him before anything happened.

Superman saw him making his way towards a Zeta tube hidden in an alleyway – there were so many of them like that, it was ridiculous – and he was able to call out to Conner before he entered the blinding light starting to appear.

"Conner, wait!" Superman flew down to the ground, keeping his voice level and warm, noting how awkward Conner started shifting his feet. He flinched when Superman placed a hand on his shoulder, but when he was brought into a warm embrace, Conner didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around Superman. His breathing didn't hitch or speed up, it was slow and steady.

"You are not Luthor's clone. You're Conner Kent. You're _you_. No one can _ever_ take that away."

They separated, and Conner turned around, using his arm to wipe his face, sniffing a few times.

Both departed with a weight lifted off their shoulders.

* * *

CRACK!

Conner flinched as he felt the bed framing collapse – _again!_ – making a note to tell Red Tornado about this issue. He tried ignoring it as he went to the drawers and pulled out one of his many black T-shirts, pulling it over his bare chest before closing the drawer and began searching for his jeans.

M'gann wasn't in the common area when he came in, but Conner knew the basics to cooking – that bit, he got from Alfred's lessons – and started pulling a carton of milk and eggs from the refrigerator. He placed them on the counter before going back to take out a block of cheddar cheese and several slices of bacon.

 _Recognize Superman 01_.

Conner smiled, that was something he started hearing more often, at least three times a week at minimum.

"Morning Conner."

"Mornin'." He grunted back.

"Did you sleep well?"

Conner shrugged. "At least till this morning, I guess."

"Hey, are those _splinters_ on your back?!"

"Uh…." Conner blushed. "That's why this morning wasn't exactly _restful_ …"

Clark began muttering under his breath, brushing away the pieces of wood that clung to Conner.

"Wait, _how_ did you get splinters on you in the first place? What about your mattress?" Clark asked.

"I broke through the mattress, too." Conner muttered.

"Ouch…" Clark winced. "Pa got so mad at me whenever that happened…"

Conner turned his head and stared.

"My powers started developing when I was around your age." Clark rubbed the back of his neck, a weak chuckle rumbling from his throat. "I had to practice getting off a rock a lot, like I was getting out of bed, just to try and make sure I didn't break something."

"Why a rock?" Conner raised an eyebrow.

"Better than sleeping in a chicken coop. Plus, a rock is more durable."

Conner turned away and started cracking eggs into a bowl. Clark walked over to the strips of bacon and looked at the cabinets, his X-ray vision seeing through the wood as it didn't exist at all. He frowned and turned his gaze downwards and smiled, seeing the cooking pans underneath the sink.

"How do you take your eggs, Clark? Cheesy or plain?"

"Surprise me." Clark pulled out a frying pan and set it on the stovetop.

"Hope I remember how Pa makes them, they're always a little on the runny side…" Conner muttered under his breath.

* * *

SLAM! Conner's back met the ground, but no pain came to him. His invulnerability was a blessing many would kill for, after all.

Conner scowled as he got up, he almost missed the Shields Luthor gave him. Almost. It felt so good to fly, though.

"You should focus your weight towards your feet when you jump." Conner looked at him with a scowl. With Red Tornado being upgraded, Superman had started popping in more whenever he could, sometimes helping with the training. Conner was starting to get annoyed with the scowls the Team was giving Superman, though.

"I already know how to do that." He said.

"Do you still break the bed?"

Conner blushed and looked away. Clark smiled. "It's the same principle, you need to spread out your weight or else you'll apply too much force. There are a lot of boulders on the beach outside, you should practice spreading your weight and strength on them for at least an hour a day minimum."

Clark was mending a crack with his heat-vision when he heard Conner walking behind him. He turned around just in time to see the small look of jealousy before Conner turned it into a mild look of boredom.

He called to him. "Can you go outside and grab some boulders? I can't leave this spot unattended."

A smile forms and Conner nods, walking off with something to occupy his thoughts for the time being.

* * *

He doesn't notice it at first, but recently, Clark has begun to see members of the League looking at him. Like he was the enemy.

It took some time for the Team to come around, but Conner was the one who intervened.

"We're working things out. And stop eating my potato chips, Garfield!"

Garfield had looked at Conner with his mouth crammed, bulging like it would explode, before turning into a hippo and swallowed the chips in his mouth.

There was also that time he questioned the idea of Conner wanting to be adopted by Batman, people treated him with hostility, even ignoring the fact that he was making amends. When the whole fiasco was over, Conner said it was a bet and he didn't hold anything against Clark.

Black Canary's comment irritated him the most; she may be the team therapist, but when Conner said the complete opposite of what she claimed, Clark felt like breaking something.

The monthly meeting that occurred in March that year was one he hoped the others wouldn't forget. The discussion had turned towards the custody of several members of the Team; Zatanna, Garfield, and Conner. The Doom Patrol had offered to look after Garfield, but J'onn didn't trust Mento – "Your demanding attitude is something that Garfield does _not_ need so soon after losing his mother" – and agreed to claim guardianship – "M'gann and Garfield are already like siblings, I am certain that they would appreciate the formality" – while Zatanna was brought in and expressed the desire to remain at the Cave.

"The Team's my family, now." She said. "Plus, my dad's been able to talk to Fate. We're able to keep in contact."

"That is wonderful to hear, Zatanna," Diana nodded, "but to the rest of the world, you are seen as an orphan. Are there any friend you can stay with who would be willing to look after you?"

"My dad knew this guy called Constantine…" Zatanna frowned. "…but the last time I saw him, he kind of said he wouldn't make a good parent and to close the door, he was shagging someone right now. I didn't ask how he was doing that…he wasn't naked…"

Her face turned bright red.

Black Canary looked at her. "I'd be more than happy to become your legal guardian –"

She turned to face Doctor Fate.

"– that is…if Doctor Fate and Zatarra approve…"

Doctor Fate stared at them for several moments, and then sighed. "Zatara knows he cannot make decisions on his daughter's behalf as easily. And while she still needs training, she also needs the freedom to choose for herself."

Zatanna nodded, a weak smile formed on her face.

"Nonetheless," Doctor Fate continued, "he also needs to know that you are safe. Constantine would be a bad choice, indeed. And Black Canary's job and current life would make her role as 'parent' difficult."

"I volunteer as Zatanna's legal guardian." Red Tornado interjected. He looked at Zatanna. "If you are willing to this arrangement."

Zatanna nodded. "I think that works out for everyone. You are the Den Mother, after all."

"I prefer the term, Den Robot." Red Tornado countered. "And once my alternate form is completed, I may be able to become Den Father."

Diana nodded in approval. "That leaves Superboy –"

"Conner." Clark corrected her quietly. "His name's Conner."

All eyes were on him. Zatanna shuffled awkwardly.

"Whelp, better get back the Cave!" She said abruptly. She waved at Red Tornado, then to Doctor Fate. "See you back there, Red. And Fate, please remember that my dad has to eat and use the bathroom."

"Fate does not need those things."

"Well, he does if he's using an organic life form as a host. Tootles!"

Zatanna walked quickly to the nearest Zeta tube.

 _Recognize Zatanna B08._

The League looked back at Clark.

"Here we go…" He sighed. Diana looked between Clark and Batman, unsure of what her position should be.

"I'm surprised that you would be worried about him –"

"Canary, I love you like a sister, but shut the hell up." Clark said quietly.

She flinched.

"Why is everyone getting on my case over this?" He continued. "It's not like even half of you know much about him to even get on my case about it."

Bruce glared at him. "Everyone is on your case about it because it took you _six months_ to make the effort."

"If you're so worried about Conner, why haven't _you_ spent time with him?" Clark scowled. Diana took a step back as he flew in closer to Bruce. "Tell me, Batman, exactly _how_ many members of the League actually know Conner on a personal level? Because I can only count them with my fingers. Not even a full hand.

"I get that I had screwed up a lot with this whole thing, but has _anyone_ ever bothered asking me _why?!_ I just don't get it. Everyone was on my case about 'getting along with my son', and yet no one bothered following that advice. What was keeping you all from popping in the Cave for a few minutes and seeing how the Team was doing. Because I actually _had_ some good reasons.

My job, my duties in Metropolis, my duties for the League, almost every waking moment, someone needs my help whether its getting a cat from out of a tree to stopping the Toyman. I've been _working on it_ , though! Nobody has the right to call me out on _something that I've been making up for_! Does anyone even remember what I said about how Cadmus got my DNA?"

No one answered.

"Doomsday. The first time we all thought I was going to die. The time I actually had nightmares for months, about not being able to save anyone if I didn't stop him in time. I _told_ you that seeing Conner reminded me of where he got my DNA from, but no one _cared!_ None of you bothered focusing on _why_ I kept ignoring Conner, only that I _was_. Not _am_ , _was_."

He glared at Bruce. "How often do you give Conner the time of day _outside_ of briefings?"

Batman had started opening his mouth before Superman finished his question, then closed it when he realized what he was asking.

"I have been _fixing things to the best of my ability!_ " Clark glared at them. "I have not been able to forgive myself for this, but _none of you_ have the goddamn right to chew me out when you acted no better."

Diana spoke up. "I stand by Kal-El and agree that we have no right to be hypocritical about it. Constantly reminding someone of an issue that has been resolved brings neither resolution or catharsis, only more turmoil."

Captain Marvel coughed. People stared. "I…um…what she said. I…I try to see the Team and hang out with them, and Super – I mean, Conner, he likes company. The issue wasn't bothering him that much anymore, he…just didn't like to talk about it. And then that creepy Savage guy showed up and…. look, can we just let this go, now? I mean, it's not like he's _still_ ignoring Conner, right?"

He took a deep breath and continued in a stronger, firmer voice. "The problem wasn't that Superman wasn't there, it was that everyone was waiting for someone to act. And when that didn't happen, everyone looked at Superman to do something about it. Kind of seems unfair when a lot of us can do the job just as well. Maybe better…"

No one spoke, several members looked away in embarrassment and shame.

"Perhaps this is a good time for a recess." Red Tornado said.

No one questioned if Red Tornado was simply tired or knew that everyone needed space.

* * *

"Clark…." Dinah called out to him. Clark sighed, but stopped walking. She was about two feet away from him before she stopped. "I'm sorry for my behavior. I care a great deal about Conner and I let my emotions get in the way of my reasoning."

"I'm sorry it took so long to get my act together." Clark said. He looked at the greenery, thankful for Diana's suggestion to bring life to the Watchtower. "Everyone was getting on my case for not getting off my ass, but you were one of the few people that was _actually_ getting off your ass to help. Really irritating."

Dinah focused her attention on a rose with petals that flattened and curved, the Krypton. Diana and Bruce spent several months perfecting it before transporting their work to the Watchtower, presenting it as a gift on Clark's birthday several years ago. It not only survived, but populated a fair patch of soil. Clark was thankful that the fight on New Year's didn't destroy the flowers. One Krypton destroyed was too much.

"Does Conner ever feel hurt or confused over spending time with me?" Clark asked in the same quiet voice.

"I thought he did…" Dinah frowned. "I assumed…and that's not what my job is about. He stopped talking about it after New Year's and I started jumping to conclusions."

She sighed.

"This is why I'm not an official therapist, I know the movements, but I haven't perfected the art."

Clark snorted. "Didn't think you were the poetic type."

Dinah scoffed. "My bad. Thought it would have been a good analogy to use."

Clark heard someone behind them. Probably because he allowed himself to be heard in the first place.

"Clark…" Bruce started, and then paused. "You know I was concerned about Conner's welfare, right?"

"You could have adopted him." Clark suggested.

"His powers, temper, and physical resemblance to you would have brought too much trouble. Robin's difficult to handle alone. Two kids are worse. He needed constant supervision and support, two things I couldn't provide for properly. You know how difficult it was when I took in Dick, right?"

Clark nodded. Diana elbowed Bruce after a few moments.

"And…that doesn't excuse how I handled our discussions about it, though. Doomsday completely slipped my mind."

"Were you going to propose taking Conner in, Clark?" Diana asked.

Clark shook his head. "I don't think Metropolis would be the right fit for him. Bruce is right, Conner _needs_ stability. And with my job at the Daily Planet, I can't accomplish that well. Somewhere quiet would do. Somewhere where his hearing wouldn't be excruciating. Somewhere he can be with people who love him."

Diana raised an eyebrow and nodded, urging Clark to continue.

"And Ma and Pa already said yes."

* * *

He bumped into Lois the next day when they were both going out for a lunch break. Lois stared at him, Clark stared back.

"Conner said he was moving in with your folks." She started.

" _Our_ folks." Clark corrected.

"W-what?"

"Conner's my little brother. It was his idea." He added when Lois started opening his mouth. "Ma and Pa don't mind him using my old room back in Kansas."

"That's…great, I guess." Clark started walking away when Lois called him back. "Clark? I know things are different between us, now…but I'm really sorry about the prank…you want to get lunch with me and Jimmy? As friends?"

Clark looked back at her and sighed. "Not today, Lois."

"Your loss, Smallville." Lois said sadly. "Just go somewhere other than Bibbo's. Broaden your palate a little."

"I'll try, Lois, I'll try."

* * *

 **Author's Note:** I'm back for a few weeks. So sorry about the hiatus. Finals were a nightmare and drain on my batteries. Plus, I wasn't sure which story to do next. I thought of Babs, since she deserves a spot in the sun. Then I thought of another Baby Flash story where the Zatanna/Wally conflict is explored further – again, it wouldn't be in chronological order – but I had a hard time writing it.

Then I remembered Clark and Conner and decided to expand on the issues I created in _We Love Our Two Dads_ and fix the mistakes I made regarding characterization. Instead of turning the tables on the League regarding the whole "Superman neglected his unofficial 'son' and we're mad at him" issue, I decided to have both sides have points instead. I knew that I'd get flack regarding how I portray characters being in the right and wrong – I also realized while writing that there were League characters that didn't know everyone's secret IDs and fixed some things so Clark wouldn't expose Batman and Black Canary by accident – so I am not sure what to make of this chapter.

The part about Doomsday, I mentioned back in _We Love Our Two Dads_ , and I was surprised at how emotional I was able to turn that little piece of information. I really hope I gave a good justification for Clark's behavior and the whole "brother" thing. Conner coming up with it would be considered a sign of maturity and make bonding easier, in my opinion.

Poor Lois, her part in the prank put a strain on her relationship with Clark. It is going to take a while for Clark to forgive her – unless Mxyzptlk or Mix- _Yeesss_ -Spit-Lick had something to do with how everyone acted.

Will this be considered controversial like Traitor or Leader? By the way, Black Canary advocating Machiavelli wasn't the message, Robin did disagree with that. Just wanted to let you all know if you read this far.

Last thing: I will be working on a Christmas deconstruction for Dick and Bruce. I think it might be short depending on how much time I will be able to spend working on it, so don't cross your fingers or break any bones. For any hints on what it is going to be, it will also take place in the Humorverse and has been referenced as far back as one of the last chapters in _We Love Our Two Dads_ (I hated some of the gala clichés that far back too and decided to vent).

Thanks for reading.


	25. Gala: Christmas Interlude

**Author's Note:** Thanks to all who reviewed last chapter. A special shout out to **Smile** , who earlier in this story criticized the treatment of Superman in the fandom over the issue. You have them to thank for the long chapter last time.

As promised, my Christmas fic, suggestion by **xSapphirexRosesxFanx** back in November and story drawn from _We Love Our Two Dads_ , along with every other annoying Batman fic where a gala is involved.

This is one of my biggest pet peeves in Batman fanfic clichés. Makes me want to throw something.

Please review!

* * *

 **Disclaimer:** How often did we get to see more than the "one-dimensional snotty rich character" in Batman comics? Other than _Batman: The Animated Series_ , that is. None? Then all rights to Batman belong to DC Comics, Bob Kane and Bill Finger.

* * *

Dick looked at his reflection in the mirror and swallowed a few times, his mouth dry. Several months ago, his best outfit was a yellow sweater that was handknitted for him. Now, he was dressed in a tuxedo tailor made to his size, a blue sash-thing that he was told was a cummerbund, with his hair covered in gel and flattened into a pulp.

He always performed for an audience, but Dick always had the support of his family. He had his folks, his aunt, uncle, and John, who always ruffled his hair and told him stories about Robin Hood and Marian, his beloved – "bleah!" Dick would say, sick of hearing so many mushy romances – as they stood against King John and his minions.

Uncle Rick teased John for the stories, questioning them in detail – "How could a guy with a bow and arrows fight a scaly lizard who breathes fire and flies?", "There's a weak point that Robin Hood could get where the heart is, Pops" – and even adding a few of his own "interpretations" on the character at times. Aunt Karla would call it fanfiction, but Uncle Rick would always reply,

"Fanfiction is for people who love using whips and for anyone who thinks _their_ original character would make everything perfect. _I_ am simply creating stories that would fit the narrative. Unlike _some_ people."

John and Dick checked on computers in libraries to find out what Uncle Rick meant and closed the windows several lines into a random story they found online.

"I'd give that story an F if I were a teacher." John muttered. "I can barely read it. This wouldn't make bunce if this idiot thinks they can sell this crap."

Every Christmas was spent in the barns somewhere where the snow couldn't reach. Dick forgot which state they were in during those months. He never saw snow until last week and thought it would have been nice if he and John could have gotten into a snowball fight with the other kids from the troupe.

Telling stories they would make up on the spot each year was always fun, even with the commentary from the others. Those were the types of gifts that the Graysons could give on Christmas; the gift of memory.

He didn't want to spend his first Christmas without his family here, Wayne Manor. He wanted to be with Uncle Rick, talk to him in the hospital, keep each other from going mad from solitude, try making up stories for each other. But there were appearances that had to be made, people that wouldn't want to be kept waiting, events that had to be attended.

There were times where Dick thought Bruce just didn't care, he seemed more focus on keeping up the "playboy" act than making sure Dick was alright. Dad used to describe some people as "a man of few words", and now Dick understood the meaning. Bruce barely said anything, and the words he said were never wasted. He preferred action over discussion, which irked Dick. He _loved_ conversation, he didn't care what it was about – well, maybe a little bit – he just needed to speak.

Alfred was no better, even if he was more emotionally supportive than Bruce at times. He was the one to offer tea and biscuits or a supportive hand on the shoulder. Not Bruce, though.

Even when they were sparring, he always seemed distant. Blows barely grazed Dick, the movements mechanical, his passion for acrobatics ignored. It was like there was a fear that physical contact of any kind would be toxic.

There were odd moments where Bruce would forget about that idea he had in his mind about connecting and just…talk. Those times, both were able to share their pain,

Dick realized a month in that there wouldn't be much of this, and he didn't try crying over it. He felt lucky that someone would take him in, even if the foster home was decent enough. He almost wished he stayed there, at least some of the older kids didn't mind dealing with "babies." Some of them even let Dick vent about…that night…and would agree that Zucco ought to pay.

He tried not to cry again when Bruce came around about a week into his new "home" and said he would be staying with him.

Dick blinked, still seeing a nine-year-old boy in a tuxedo with his face through the looking glass. Was he actually wearing the outfit? He had been to at least five galas in similar attires, but he _still_ couldn't believe it.

 _Knock! Knock! Knock!_

"Master Richard, are you almost ready?" Alfred on the other side of the door, he knew that the old man would assume Dick was "primping" like he did with the first Robin outfit – Bruce took out the champagne when Dick decided no pants was a bad idea and went for an outfit that fit his Flying Grayson costume more closely – and check up to see if he was finished.

"Almost." Dick sighed. Time for another round of 'Let's Talk About the Charity Case' to start.

* * *

Bruce tried tuning out what Miss What's Her Face was saying, knowing she was going to say something trashy and blame it on the nonexistent alcohol.

"So, when are you going to dump the kid? You've _got_ to be bored with him by now."

He was failing miserably.

He couldn't stand the way Dick didn't look at him, not even bothering to stay close to Bruce like he did the first couple times. The women that came towards him that time had the _brilliant_ idea of shoving a little kid out of the way like he was a bother. Not even a minute later, Bruce had "accidentally" stepped on their feet and scrambled to find Dick, hearing from the poor kid the disgusting gossip about them.

"Honestly, they don't have something _better_ to talk about?" Veronica Vreeland stirred her coffee aggressively the next day when Bruce mentioned it. "Like that red robot that can make twisters, for instance. _That's_ good gossip. Not talking about some little kid that lost his family!"

She wasn't the only one thinking that, fortunately. During the galas attended, Bruce heard a mixture of good and bad conversation focused on the adoption.

"– he's so cute –"

"– what was Bruce _thinking_ , taking in some circus freak –"

"– would you shut up, he's just a little kid –"

"– probably meant to be a toy –"

"– just hope that boy, Richard, is happy. If my kids were orphaned –"

Every time, Bruce would end up slapping his date for her cruel words. Usually when Dick was tucked in and wouldn't see a thing. Why couldn't they get the hint that Dick wasn't going anywhere?

This time, Veronica offered to be his date "as a favor to a friend", as she put it. And Bruce was thankful for that. Dick wasn't shying away from them and Veronica did her best to keep up a conversation with him. But even she wasn't excluded from tide of women who kept getting in-between Bruce and Dick, Bruce watched as she was physically pulled away from some of her "friends" who wanted to hear the latest dirt she might have had.

The noises were getting louder, Dick's hand was slipping from his grasp, the grip weak this time. Someone backed away when they saw his scowl. Sneers. Mockery. Dick willingly freeing himself from Bruce's grip, the sheer delight on some girl's face as she tries to swoop in and take Bruce somewhere else.

Blood boiling. Vision blacking out. Focus fading.

"– charity case –"

" – circus freak –"

"– boy toy –"

" – gypsy –"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Bruce roared, shoving away the latest batch of potential Mrs. Bruce Waynes and reached for Dick, wrapping his arms around him protectively and picking him up. Dick flinched and covered his ears, possibly thinking that there was going to be another explosion of anger.

He was right.

People began muttering about this update when Bruce let out a wordless shout, silencing them complete this time. Veronica used the opportunity to get away from her "friends" and stood by Bruce's side.

"Are you alright, Dick?" Bruce whispered. Dick slowly shook his head. Bruce combed a hand through his hair. "They're going to stop this time, I promise."

"They were..." Dick couldn't let the words free, his mouth failing. Veronica placed a hand on his shoulder protectively.

Bruce spoke quietly, but Dick could imagine a dog in his place, the tone threatening and growling.

"I don't want to hear another _syllable_ about _my kid!_ You want to talk about what I'm doing to him? Great, you just lost the business of Wayne Enterprises! Want to think I'm using him and _then_ decide to flirt with me? Congratulations, now everyone in your circle will think you're dating a pedophile. Want to insult a little kid you barely know for no goddamn reason?"

Bruce held up his hand. "I think I made my point very _precise_ a few times already."

Dick saw several women flinch and rub their faces.

"The next time I hear this crap out of _anybody_ will lead to a discussion with my lawyers! GOT IT?!"

Veronica gently tugged his arm and pulled him away. "I think this is a good time to leave, Brucie. Merry Christmas!"

Her tone of voice was too cheerful. Those who weren't intoxicated felt their skin crawl.

* * *

"That was some party, wasn't it?" Veronica said as the limo came up to her mansion. "Thanks for being my date, Bruce. I'll come by tomorrow to drop something off. Merry Christmas, Dick."

She smiled at Dick, who gave a small grin back in appreciation.

The ride home was quiet. Dick started running up the stairs as soon as the door was opened. Bruce quickly followed. He made it to Dick's door right as it closed shut and waited a few minutes before knocking gently.

"Dick…I wanted to talk to you about earlier tonight…"

* * *

"Sir, I just received a call from Miss Carrie…I seem to have forgotten her name."

"Tell her I'm not interested." Bruce said, opening up the newspaper the next morning.

"It's not that, sir. She's not looking for another date, she's pressing charges for assault on her person and dress. Along with everyone else you've attacked over the past several months. She was passing the message along for everyone else, in case you were wondering."

"Then tell them I'm suing them for defamation of character and slander, then." Bruce didn't bother looking up from the newspaper he was reading. "And harassment, I saw some women trying to intimidate Dick and I have several witnesses that can attest to that. I have their names."

Alfred gaped. "B-b-but, sir. This problem will –"

"– be dealt with, but I'm not worrying about it." Bruce interrupted him. "I am sick and tired of everyone taking _my_ decision out on Dick. And I'm sick and tired of Dick thinking that I don't care enough to do something about it."

"Then last night was….?" Alfred paused.

"The final straw _and_ to show Dick that he's not a charity case."

"Well, then," Alfred turned around and walked over to the sink. "What does Master Richard think of the spectacle you put on?"

Bruce sighed. "I know what you're thinking, Alfred, I told him what I told you. He is a part of this family, and I am going to try harder to show it. I don't want him to have the same childhood I had…"

Alfred ducked his head, uncertain if Bruce was aware of the retort he made against him.

"Anything else, sir?" He asked quietly.

"He…called me Dad…well, actually, he called me Daddy." Bruce remembered how red Dick's face had gotten when he realized what just came out of his mouth. Today was going to be good, he just knew it. He promised Dick that there would be no planned events for today and it would be relaxing. Opening presents and watching some movies with popcorn. Dick asked if they could try telling each other stories later on; he added that they had to be improvised on the spot. His grin when Bruce said yes spoke volumes.

"Is it the best Christmas gift you've been given, sir?"

Bruce smiled, realizing for the for the first time that it felt real. "I think so."

* * *

 **Author's Note:** I wish I had more time to work on this, but I kept getting interrupted and then I was talking to **jettmanas** through pms about beta reading – they've been helping me with grammar for the Child Prodigy rewrite – and then there were Christmas gifts to get and cookies to bake – yes, I baked a lot and I have improved on making sure the dough spread out this time – so I haven't had much time. I did say that this would be a short chapter, though.

I really hate gala chapters in Batman fics. They are always the same for the most part. Some bitches shove a young Dick away - as young as six, in some fics, even the ones I favorited - where he overhears people talking trash about him and when he is reunited with Bruce and tells him what he just heard loudly, Bruce doesn't call out anyone while people continue to whisper and they just leave. And nothing seems to change from that.

Also, why would _everyone_ be talking trash about some little kid? There have to be some half-decent snobs in the crowd who know when to shut up. Pretty unrealistic as usual for the disapproval to be unanimous. I always imagined it would be a mixed bag when I was thinking of a Batman fic to write.

Bruce's actions might have been cathartic to me in this chapter, but I should have realized a long time ago that he would have faced actions for that behavior. Which turned into a reconstruction on the consequences…he just wouldn't care. A Young Justice incarnate of Batman is supposed to be a better parent somewhat, so he should be able to demonstrate better empathy.

And why would he never suspect that Dick would become apathetic to him for not doing anything about it in his eyes? These writers online seem to forget that children aren't diabetes-infecting creatures, they are people too with feelings and depth. I can see Dick becoming _extremely_ resentful to Bruce, almost like Jason, if any of these clichés were to happen and Bruce did _nothing_ to protect him. No way there would be a loving relationship after that.

As always, please review and be sure to add stuff on the TV Tropes page, it needs love. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!


	26. Going Public

**Edit:** I fixed the scene breaks so it isn't so confusing. For some reason, the app just won't keep the damned things.

 **Disclaimer:** Did we ever see the Team go public? Good, that would defeat the purpose of being covert and means that all rights to Young Justice belong to DC Comics and Cartoon Network.

* * *

Beast Boy, Kid Flash, Artemis, Rocket, Miss Martian, Zatanna, and Superboy were standing before Batman in the Cave, in the designated debriefing area. No one asked why the remaining two members were not present. They weren't needed.

* * *

Somewhere in Atlantis, Aqualad rubbed the area over his heart, wondering why he felt a pang of loneliness and neglect when he was among his king and friends.

* * *

Back at Wayne Manor, Dick Grayson sighed in relief with the knowledge that for once, the attention _wouldn't_ be on him.

* * *

"Explain this," Batman turned to the screen and said, "Playback recording."

The screen lit up and several people winced as they saw the recording was from a news channel, Channel Five, with a man with light-brown wavy hair and a cold stare. G. Gordon Godfrey. He started gaining attention a few weeks back as a loudmouth, trash-talking, mud-slinging, hero shamer. Batman always looked like he was going to have a fit whenever Godfrey brought up Gotham's crime rate and the failure of the police – and Batman – to detain its insane criminals in Arkham Asylum.

In a little box on the right-hand corner was a bird's eye view outside of a bank.

Everyone recognized themselves from earlier, rushing in as if they were storming a castle.

Godfrey didn't say anything – or maybe the recording started right after he finished ranting about something – and let the video feed play out.

The recording cut to a different camera within the bank, showing Livewire holding ten people hostage while a bag of money was being filled for her. Within moments, she was surrounded by the others from outside and a fight ensued.

Livewire was captured, but the destruction on the bank was another issue.

Godfrey chose to end the feed the moment police started coming in. He looked at the screen with a permanent look of distain, "Young heroes trying to perform the job of the police? Well, congrats, kiddies, you caught the washed-out radio diva, but you can add more damage of public property to the list of crimes you'll never have to answer to."

"Oh yeah, like the police could have handled a living lightning bolt." Kid Flash muttered under his breath.

"Oh, I know what you're all thinking," Godfrey said with a huff, "Superman or Wonder Woman would have done no better. Here's the thing, though. _Where are they?_ This is the third time this month that we've witnessed a teenager wearing the S like it were casual clothing, and yet, looks like he could bound over a building in one jump. Were these teenage sidekicks having a get-together at the same time a bank robbery occurred?"

"End playback," Batman said. He looked at the Team, "Well?"

"Um…" Miss Martian looked hesitant while Rocket crossed her arms and huffed with agitation.

"IT WAS KID FLASH'S IDEA!" Beast Boy shrieked. "HE WAS THE ONE WHO SAID WE SHOULD DO STUFF IN BROAD DAYLIGHT JUST FOR THE HECK OF IT AND THESE REPORTERS STARTED _SWARMING_ US AND I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT WAS POSSIBLE, I MEAN, IT WOULD HAVE TAKEN A FEW MINUTES AND WE WERE JUST ABOUT TO LEAVE WHEN ALL OF THESE PEOPLE SUDDENLY SURROUNDED US –"

"Beast Boy…" Batman began.

"– AND NONE OF US KNEW WHAT TO DO BECAUSE THERE WERE SO MANY LIGHTS AND I WANTED TO CRUSH SOMEONE AS A T-REX BUT M'GANN SAID THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A BAD IDEA 'CAUSE YOU GUYS HAVE A NO KILLING RULE AND THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN PROPERTY DAMAGE –"

"Beast Boy –" Batman attempted to speak again, but Beast Boy was still too loud to hear himself while his face turned a little yellow – why it was turning yellow from asphyxiation instead of something _not_ resembling a lily or daisy was another mystery for the World's Greatest Detective to solve – and still tried to pull himself and the Team out of the hole that he just kept digging deeper.

"AND PLEASE DON'T CASTRATE ME, I'M TOO YOUNG TO EVEN _THINK_ ABOUT SEX AND I DON'T WANT TO LOSE MY WINKY –"

"GARFIELD!" Everyone sans Batman screamed at the top of their lungs. Beast Boy flinched and realized all eyes were on him now. His face would have turned a dark green, but he needed to take a few deep breaths first.

"Breathe…" Batman said calmly, but it was clear he was ready to walk out of the room in frustration.

Beast Boy took a deep breath.

And screamed upon the exhale.

" _Eb tnelis tsaeb yob_." Zatanna chanted.

"Well, that _does_ solve the 'making Garfield zip it' problem," Artemis stared at Beast Boy with his mouth still open in a silent scream, " _buuut_ it doesn't fix the 'making sure he doesn't die of asphyxiation' or 'Batman preparing to castrate us' problems."

"Do. You. Have. _Any._ Idea –" Batman began.

"Stop punctuating everything and get to the 'I'm going to make you kids suffer' part." Superboy crossed his arms with a glare. He earned death glares from the others now and scoffed with a half-grin. "You want to mess with a half-Kryptonian, be my guest."

"OH, OH!" Kid Flash jumped up and down excitedly. "I'LL BE YOUR GUEST!"

Superboy glared. "Start singing that song and I'll set Wolf loose against you."

"AHEM!" Everyone turned to look at Batman.

"You exposed yourselves to the public and now they're going to start asking themselves why. You are supposed to be covert; do you have any idea what our enemies might be thinking about this revelation right now?!"

* * *

"Meow."

"I agree, Teekl, I don't give a shit about what that Godfrey guy said."

"Meow."

"Don't worry, we'll kill the friends and family of those super-kids in time…I'm just not in the mood."

"Meow?"

"Not tonight, I have a headache…"

* * *

"It appears that the group of sidekicks have become overnight celebrities by fighting in public." Ra's al Ghul addressed the silhouetted screens – why would they need silhouettes, everyone _knew_ one another – after a report from Ubu…and then proceeding to chop off Ubu IV's head out of frustration.

"Should we even care?" Queen Bee's screen asked.

"Of course, not. Why should we?" Ra's rolled his eyes and scoffed.

* * *

"Mercy, get me a phone. I want to order Chinese tonight."

* * *

"– and that's what they're probably thinking or doing right now," Garfield concluded with a smile. Batman's left eye twitched. Garfield frowned, "What? Not everyone thinks like you do…"

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Okay, this is more crack-fic/parody than my usual stuff. Little time to concentrate on writing and even less time to think about a new chapter. I know you guys love the story-based chapters, but they are so hard to write in a short amount of time in college and in an environment where you are bombarded with noise.

Also, what is the best time and day to post new chapters?

Klarion and his bestiality are thing of nightmares...

I'm sorry to say that the updates for a few months will be shorter than usual, back to basics, since I need to prioritize without disappearing. As always, suggestions are welcome because there are too many Robin-based fics and everyone needs some love.

So, if you have ideas for clichés that can be accomplished in a short chapter, be sure to PM or reply in the reviews. If you have a story idea based on a cliché that you think deserves a good length, just do the same and I will be happy to work with you on the idea as a team. You guys make this fic possible with your ideas, after all, I guess it should be fair to consider this a massive collaboration fic.

Stay warm if you have snow, otherwise, in the writing world, I will see you!


	27. Mary Sue?

**Disclaimer:** Until Duke Thomas came into the picture, were the only kids Batman took in basically boys who could pass as his biological children? Yep. You know what that means? It means that writers can't really be creative with how Robins and sidekicks looked – unless your name was Stephanie Brown – until recently and all rights to Batman belong to Bob Kane, Bill Finger, DC Comics, Cartoon Network, and Warner Bros.

* * *

 _Coast is clear. Rocket, you're on point._

 _Got it. Beast Boy, maintain cover and stay close._

 _Roger!_

Just as Rocket began flying towards the building with a small green fly buzzing next to her, both of them quickly hid as a girl with long brown hair with streaks of blue in it suddenly appeared and started a fight with the guards.

 _What is that girl_ doing _down there?!_ Rocket stared in shock as the girl suddenly began shooting lightning bolts from her hands and spewed fire from her mouth. _And how is she doing_ that?

 _I think the better question should be_ why is she bragging to the guards that we're nearby?! Artemis' mental shriek had several members of the Team wincing and rubbing their heads.

 _Do not engage, Team._ Aqualad ordered. _I repeat: Do. Not. Engage._

 _Can we engage if they start shooting at us?_ Beast Boy asked nervously.

 _Yes!_

* * *

"– and despite the unexpected turn of events, we were able to secure the hostages from the League of Shadows." Aqualad concluded the report.

Batman stared, "Then why is that girl here with you all?"

"I was just getting to that," Aqualad spoke dryly, "Despite miraculously coming out of the fight with few injuries, there is no form of identification for us to go by with our sources and needed to address this to the League before something occurred."

"And she kept insisting on seeing you for some urgent message," Artemis added, "And keeps insisting that she become your sidekick…"

" _And_ she won't leave us alone…" Rocket glared at the young girl poking Kid Flash in the eye, who was swatting her hand away each time she got close. "And she's too dangerous to hand over to the police."

Aqualad sighed, "And there are many other League members who could perform the role as mentor better than Batman could, given the circumstances."

"Circumstances?" Kid Flash snorted, "So, what you're saying is some wack-job barging in and almost getting us killed because she blew our cover should become a _hero?!_ "

Aqualad blinked. He sighed, "Our only other option, unfortunately, is to part ways and pretend meeting her didn't happen. Like it or not, she is vulnerable to other influences, enemies who would seek out her…odd…abilities –"

"YA SEE?" The girl cried out happily. Beast Boy and Blue Beetle took several steps back. She continued, "I'm a danger to myself and everyone around me. That means I _have_ to join yous, you're so crazy awesome and I would _sooo_ be able to be a hero and –"

"All Aqualad said was that you shouldn't be left on your own!" Blue Beetle snapped, "That doesn't mean you can join the Team. _Dios mios_ , you almost got us massacred earlier because you jumped into a fight _we did not want to initiate in the first place!_ "

The girl's smile faded before returning a moment later.

Batman continued staring, "Does nothing phase her?"

Blue Beetle looked at the girl, "Frankly, I don't want to think about what would happen if she _did_ get phased…"

Kid Flash glared.

"No, Kid, we're _not_ automatically going to trust her," Aqualad continued, "I am saying that we need to be careful with what happens. Manhunter and M'gann can examine her mind for implants or memories. We will gather intel on her vague background and determine if she has a family."

" _Annnd_ …if she doesn't?" Beast Boy asked slowly, fearing what the answer will be.

"Then we will make living arrangements for her."

Artemis sighed in defeat, "Which safehouse should we use?"

"Babe, I think the better question to ask is: _Is she going to live in the Cave?_ " Kid Flash looked at Aqualad, almost daring him to say yes.

"Of course not, Kid," Aqualad walked over to the monitor and began typing, "We'll simply erase the memory of this location from her mind as a precaution."

"YAYYYY!" The girl screamed in delight, "I get to live in the – wait, what."

"Team, escort her out of the Cave and erase the location from her mind," Batman said and began walking away, "Head to Boston, we'll have a place set up for her under Red Tornado's guardianship."

The girl looked hopeful, "Does this mean that –"

"No," Batman didn't turn around to respond.

"But I –"

"No."

"You're –"

"No."

"If you could just –"

"What part of no are you not getting?" Batman still didn't look back and continued walking away.

The girl's face twitched, but she still retained her smile.

Kid Flash and Blue Beetle stared at her with frowns on their faces. _Why was she so determined to have Batman as a mentor?_ They both thought.

 _Destroy entity._ Blue Beetle sighed as the Scarab interjected. _Scans indicate unbalanced energy of unknown origins. We must destroy at all costs!_

"No,"Blue Beetle whispered, not wanting an odd look from Kid Flash, "let's let the League handle this."

 _And risk another_ incident _similar to one five years prior? Based on archive information, the execution of handling the problem was on an incompetent level…_

"We can't just kill someone like that…no, we don't kill. Period," Blue Beetle snapped, "I'll just let the League know this and keep an eye on her, if that helps…"

 _It does not, but I cannot control this vessel and therefore must comply unwillingly…_

"Great…"

He looked at the girl, still smiling despite the rejection and humming to herself. Blue Beetle walked over to her, wondering what he was getting himself into.

"So..." He started slowly, "Do you have a name?"

I theorize that it will be a long one and further prove her delusional state. The Scarab's voice almost sounded dry and witty.

The girl blinked and pulled a strand of hair away from her eyes, "Ethel."

"Ethel...?" Blue Beetle started, thankful for the 'oh' sound that Ethel made.

"Ethel O'Brian."

* * *

 **Author's Note:** This is the first year anniversary of this chapter and what better way to celebrate than by posting a new chapter with a Mary Sue character? I would like to thank **Misskinny's** fic, _Insert Cliché Title Here_ , for the idea of this chapter. Check it out if you just want wackiness when it comes to clichés.

And I believe that this isn't the last we've seen of this girl…almost ended the chapter with Blue Beetle being too friendly off the bat. He'd play more on the cautious side.

Don't forget to review, either!

Stay warm!


	28. Mary Sue! II

**Author's Note:** I'm back. Hope you like the second piece. Wish it were longer, but there are limits my brain can handle. Reviews are appreciated, as always.

 **Disclaimer:** Did Jamie get any focus outside of his friendship with Impulse and the season long struggle with controlling the Scarab? Nope, and that means all rights to Young Justice belong to DC Comics and Cartoon Network.

XXXX

"So…how exactly do your powers work?" _Just think of those chips, Jamie_. Blue Beetle thought. _Think of those salty chips you love to eat nonstop when Garfield doesn't break into your locker like he does with everyone else on the Team. It might keep you from screaming bloody murder…_

Ethel smiled – the better way of phrasing it would be that her only expression didn't change – and looked out at the rocky terrain that they were using for practice. "I just do it. Can't explain it."

 _This would imply instinctive behavior._ The Scarab spoke. _Genetic knowledge passed down from the parent._

"Yeah, I figured that," Blue Beetle muttered quietly so Ethel wouldn't hear him. Not that it would have been a concern, she was suddenly prattling on by herself about anything that came to mind. If she were to find herself alone several hours later on the rocky terrain Blue Beetle picked out for this, would she expect that?

"– I mean, Batman is _sooo_ cool, like the best person around. He's a badass and the best superhero in the universe. Screw Superman, he sucks, even though he has all those powers to kick Batman's ass into space. It's just, Batman is awesome and Superman's a jerk to Superboy for no reason –"

As it has been demonstrated, her favorite topic of self-discussion was Batman, with a side-dish of slamming on Superman for things long resolved. Wait, how did she know about Conner?!

 _Breaches within security are impossible with the evident_ intelligence _that this thing has demonstrated_. The Scarab said. It continued when Blue Beetle opened his mouth, _I could hear your thoughts. The issue remains on how she is aware of this information…_

"– and I know that there's good in the Joker; that bitch, Harley doesn't deserve him! BatJoke forever and ever and ever and ever and everandeverandeverandeverandeverandeverandever –"

"What."

 _What._

What.

"Ethel!" Blue Beetle said sharply. Ethel froze in the middle of her tirade and looked at him with a smile. "We're not here to discuss Batman, we need to get an idea of what you can do and how we can make sure you can control your powers."

"But I already _know_ how to control them, honest!"

"Prove it, then." Blue Beetle pointed his arm at her, the blue armor shifting until it formed a small cannon. "Fight me."

 _Chance of victory: 60%._

"60?"

 _There is not enough data to come to a cohesive conclusion._ The Scarab explained. _Acting upon caution. Lethal force suggested in the event that more data proves entity to be a threat._

"I told you," Blue Beetle said as the cannon started charging, "We aren't killers. The League and the Team are on standby. If we have to go all out, let's _at least_ make sure there isn't a corpse."

 _Recommendation heard ignored. Lethal force advised._

"Why am I not surprised?" Blue Beetle growled.

 _Blue Beetle stood before Red Tornado, Black Canary, Batman, and Captain Atom. He tried not to twitch; he worked up the nerve to try talking, he wasn't going to screw it up now._

" _I…detected unknown biology on the girl. On Ethel," he started. "There's no way to determine if she's an alien or genetically made like Superboy."_

" _What is it your recommended course of action, then?" Red Tornado asked._

 _Blue Beetle looked down at the floor, then at the face of Red Tornado, "My suit needs time to closely examine Ethel. No dissecting or anything gross, my Biology grade's debil."_

" _If you are suggesting monitoring the girl closely, the League is capable of having escorts on shifts," Red Tornado looked at Captain Atom, who nodded in agreement._

 _Blue Beetle sighed, "The only person I want to waste their time is me."_

" _Negative," Red Tornado said, "You have school and your family. You may partake in a shift, if that will be satisfactory to you."_

 _Captain Atom frowned, "What if she's more dangerous than we anticipate?"_

" _My Scarab can scan her if I have enough time," Blue Beetle suggested._

" _If the danger proves to be too much," Red Tornado said, "then back-up would be needed."_

" _We can have some members from both the League and the Team on standby," Black Canary suggested, "Any suggestions, Jamie?"_

" _Miss M. And Zatanna and Rocket. They can detain Ethel quickly and non-lethally."_

" _Her fire-breath might be magic-based," Batman began walking away, "Superman and Superboy are out. Captain Marvel would be a good idea, he's magic-based."_

" _Doctor Fate can help with containing the girl, too," Captain Atom added._

" _Alright," Blue Beetle nodded, "I can test her tomorrow and you guys jump in if it gets too hot. No pun intended."_

He dodged a lightning bolt and took to the skies before firing his cannon. Ethel barely managed to jump out of the way in time. Her long hair got tangled in her legs and Ethel tumbled across the dirt, skidding her knees and tearing up her jeans.

"OW! TIME-OUT! TIME-OUT!" Ethel cried.

Blue Beetle stared.

"You think she's a _threat?_ " He asked the Scarab in a sarcastic voice.

 _75% chance of victory._

"That's what I thought," Blue Beetle smirked.

He swooped in low, flying closer and closer towards Ethel. She looked at him with puppy-dog eyes, not even thinking of dodging when Blue Beetle grabbed her by the shoulders and dragged her through the air.

 _We can make it look like an accident._

"We're not going to do that," Blue Beetle hissed.

"Stop talking to your Scab and _stop attacking me!"_

"I told you, we're seeing what you can –" Blue Beetle's eyes widened. He slowed down and came to a halt, dropping Ethel to the ground. He whispered, "How did you know about the Scarab?"

"Doesn't everyone know?" Ethel wasn't smiling now. Blue Beetle swallowed twice, for once wishing that she had that stupid grin on her face. She was starting to remind him of that girl from that anime about the giant robots fighting those…what did Beast Boy say they were?...Angels?

 _Scanning lifeform now._ The Scarab…oh God…the Scarab actually sounded scared. _Still unable to comprehend biology. Layer upon layer of species detected._

"What?"

"What's the Scab talking about?" Ethel asked in a dull voice.

"It's _Scarab_ and none of your business!" Crap! Maybe he shouldn't have volunteered in the first place. "Back-up requested! I repeat, backup requested!"

"Confirmed," Zatanna's voice responded in his ear, "Stay tight."

"Want to grab a dinner? I _loooooove_ Mexican food!" Ethel's smile had suddenly returned.

Blue Beetle took a step back, "Okay, first of all: I have a feeling that the second part was _really_ racist. Second –"

He felt several pairs of feet touch the ground behind him and frowned, "I'm going to have to take a rain check on the dinner."

As Rocket contained Ethel in a kinetic bubble, Blue Beetle walked several meters away and deactivated his armor. He grabbed his hair and groaned. He looked up to see Miss Martian looking at him with concern.

"You know something?" Jamie asked, "I'm starting to think that this was a pretty bad idea…"

 **Author's Note:** Computer needs a new battery, so I feel limited with where I can write. Plus, school starts again, and I won't have that much time to work on fics. **Bored** , I remember a review where you said to try exploring the clichés in more detail and that's what I've been trying to do at times. I wish I had more time for longer stories, but I can split them apart into smaller chunks to work with.

Plus, I feel like I am exploring a cliché in more detail now: What if a Mary Sue character started interacting with the Team and wanted to join them (or Batman)? Short answer: The Team would wonder where the hell she came from and want to investigate it in more detail without giving into her demands. The consequence: Blue Beetle is finding himself disturbed by both her behavior and how difficult it is to read her in both character and biology. Even the Scarab is a little scared of her, now. And now? Well, we are taking a little break from the first part 2 story arc for another piece in the meantime.

Thanks for reading!


	29. Batman vs the Justice League

**Author's Note:** I hope that when the semester ends, I can get back to more story-oriented clichés.

 **Disclaimer:** Does Batman really expect himself to be able to take on Superman just by having Krpytonite on his person? If so, all rights to Batman belong to DC Comics, Cartoon Network, Bob Kane and Bill Finger.

* * *

Flash sighed as he listened to Batman continue going off against the League after the stupid fiasco that _he_ was responsible for. Yeah, the League's powers would be dangerous in the wrong hands but _placing all of the countermeasures in the Batcave?!_ Did Batman _not_ expect someone to break in?

"– you need to be contained," Batman finally ended his rant.

"That's not fair!" Captain Marvel protested, "You have countermeasures on almost everyone here and we don't have a countermeasure on you."

"The Justice League is my countermeasure," Batman said.

All was quiet.

" _So_ , what you're saying is that in the event you went rouge, our only hope is that you _wouldn't_ use all of those countermeasures on us that were just exploited by some lunatic villain in your gallery because you're just trying to get out of admitting that you didn't think this plan through and _refuse_ to take responsibility for everything that's happened?" Captain Marvel frowned, "I feel _so_ much better, I feel like I'll be able to sleep soundly in my bed."

Batman stared at him.

Captain Marvel glared at him and tapped his forehead, "Believe it or not, that _actually_ wasn't the Wisdom of Solomon in play. That was my _common sense!_ "

"Captain, I –"

"Shut up and admit you were wrong!" Captain Marvel snapped. Flash looked at Black Canary for reassurance but saw that she was taking a step back.

"Those countermeasures –" Batman began.

"WERE UNCALLED FOR IN THE FIRST PLACE!" Captain Marvel suddenly shouted, "I LOOKED UP TO YOU! I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS! WHAT DID THE LEAGUE EVER DO TO DESERVE THAT STUPID PLAN IN THE FIRST PLACE?"

Batman had the decency to look down, like a scolded child.

Flash felt his heart flutter in his chest. He'd always seen Captain Marvel with a chipper grin, almost childish like Wally's, and for a time, the League assumed that was his default setting. Captain Marvel took a deep breath and exhaled, his voice becoming colder,

"There was no reason you should have done this in the first place, Batman. No reason at all."

"There is the possibility of brainwashing –"

"Then why didn't you just tell us in the first place?"

"…"

"Because he just wanted to feel superior to us, _as usual!_ " Hal Jordan spat out.

"Hal!" Wonder Woman protested.

"He could have told us this idea beforehand, so we could have helped, but _nooo_ , Batman doesn't work with people. Batman don't care. Batman just takes what he wants!"

"If you think there isn't a need for this, you're wrong!" Batman snapped.

"You're _so_ right," Hal sneered, "Batman is the most powerful hero in the world. No one could _ever_ beat him, even _with_ superpowers!"

"For once, we're on the same page, Hal."

There was a _crack!_ and Flash saw that Superman had broken a piece of his end of the table by accident.

"You know what, Batman? How about you take us all on?!" Flash snapped. Batman looked at him, "I'm getting really sick and tired of you saying we need to be controlled when _this was all your fault!_ If you really wanted to make countermeasures in a worst-case scenario, you should have just _asked_ us for help!"

His face became blank for a moment, before his lips curled up. Flash felt his fingers twitch and he resisted the urge to strangle the idiot.

"Alright, then," Flash said in a false-sweet tone, "How about you take us on one by one? Just to see if your measures would actually work the way you would want them to. Or just to prove you're the best out of all of us, here."

Batman opened his mouth, but Flash cut him off,

"IT'S ON!"

"I'll get the chairs," Hal raised his hand.

"I'll get the camera!" Captain Marvel whooped.

"I will make the funeral arrangements," J'onn added.

* * *

Ten minutes later, the meeting room was cleared out of all furniture

Batman reached into his utility belt and as he pulled away, his costume started glowing green –

– before Superman took a deep breath and exhaled hard enough to push Batman across the room and slam into the wall. He started moving when he looked up and saw red eyes staring at him.

Superman sighed, "Honestly, Batman, do you really expect me to _not_ anticipate that trick. Luthor's still using that trick, and it's been at least seven years since we became enemies."

"And the winner is Superman!"

"But we hadn't even –"

"SUPERMAN!"

XXX

"AHHHH!"

"Batman, do you yield?"

"YES, I YIELD! I YIELD!"

"Wow, if Diana could hold him in that grapple for two hours, how long do you think he'd last in bed with her?"

"…"

"What?"

"No…just…no, Hal…"

"Winner of this round is Wonder Woman!"

* * *

Batman and Martian Manhunter stared at each other, neither of them making a move, but a box of Oreos had drifted in front of Manhunter's face with the lid open.

 _Munch! Munch! Munch!_

"Any time, now," Superman sighed. To his left, Hal and John Stewart were playing Rock-Paper-Scissor with their Green Lantern rings – John already won five games so far – while Red Tornado watched, Captain Marvel looked at the box of Oreos in front of Martian Manhunter with a hungry expression, Wonder Woman still smiling in satisfaction for her victory while Black Canary had a knowing smirk on her face.

"Are you going to start fighting, or is this some kind of mental battle?" Captain Marvel yawned.

"No," Martian Manhunter said, "I simply immobilized him with my telekinesis."

Captain Marvel stood up, "Wait, then what's with the Oreos?"

"Flash has not returned yet and I was hungry."

Superman shook his head, "J'onn, I think that's against the rules. Batman was supposed to take us on one by one."

"I already won, I simply wanted to do something else in the meantime," Martian Manhunter said vaguely.

Black Canary chuckled, "You can blame me for this, Superman. I put the idea in his head."

A red streak blurred in front of Martian Manhunter, leaving behind a laptop.

"WhatdidImiss?" Captain Marvel yelped as he heard the voice talking behind him. He glared at Flash, sheepishly smiling back.

Captain Marvel groaned, "J'onn had Batman beat with the TK stuff and said he was waiting for you. Oh, he also summoned Oreos, too."

"Nice," Flash smiled.

"And now," Martian Manhunter said, "the true entertainment begins."

He walked over to the laptop, opened it up and typed on the keyboard.

"Don't worry about the volume, J'onn, it's at its highest," Flash called out to him.

"Excellent," Martian Manhunter nodded. Black Canary's chuckles slowly turned to laughter. Captain Marvel and the Lanterns slowly moved away from her.

Accordion music started playing for a few moments before an ensemble of instruments joined in. At the same time, Batman was mimicking a chicken and squatting a few times. Then, as the music started increasing in tempo, he opened and closed his hands a few times, mimed flapping wings, shimmied downwards before concluding by clapping three times in the air.

He repeated the action several more times until the music changed, swaying to the music and kicking his legs in the air. Black Canary's laughter became maniacal, Captain Marvel joining her and laughing even harder.

"J'onn," Batman growled over the music, "This isn't funny. You already proved your point!"

"No," Martian Manhunter shook his head sadly, "I have not."

"You already beat me before we even started," Batman said as he continued dancing, clapping his hands again, "What is the whole point of _this_?!"

"I believe the term is, 'knocking you down a few pegs,' and I am thoroughly enjoying it," J'onn sounded solemn, but Black Canary could see the smirk he was trying to hide.

Hal and John began laughing too, while Wonder Woman and Superman looked at each other with wide eyes.

"The winner is J'onn…that's your cue to stop, now…"

"Never," J'onn ate another Oreo as Batman started slapping his butt in rhythm to the music. Superman groaned and looked away.

* * *

Batman stared at Dinah for a few moments before he raised his hands in defeat.

"Batman, you haven't even done anything yet."

"Because she is clearly going to use her Canary Cry on me, and it would kill me at this close range, so I am not even going to try anything."

"Not even one _little_ attempt?"

"My experiences back in Gotham have taught me one thing: Never screw with a woman pissed beyond rational thinking. She will overpower you no matter what."

"Oh," Black Canary's grin stretched out a little more, "So you _do_ take hints."

"What about her countermeasure?" Captain Marvel called from the sidelines.

"She was just inducted and the reason we're all still standing here right now," Superman said, "Batman never made one for her because she wasn't a part of the League at the time."

He glared at Batman at the end.

* * *

"Captain, I just wanted to say that –"

"Yes?" Captain Marvel smiled, holding a large anvil above Batman, feigning the motion of dropping it a few times.

"…I have no countermeasure to fight you with, either…"

"Helps being the new guy on the team!" Captain Marvel said, still holding the anvil threateningly.

"And the winner is Captain Marvel."

* * *

"Batman…" Hal asked when they made it to Gotham.

"…"

"Where'd you get this warehouse?" Hal asked again.

"…"

"And why is it yellow?" John added.

"…"

"And why are _you_ yellow?" John stared, eyes wide.

"To counteract your rings," Batman said, scratching his left cheek – which was also yellow – and held up a glass, "Would you like some lemonade?"

"…"

"Or tortilla chips?"

"…"

"Or cheddar cheese?"

"…"

 _SLAM!_

"Is Hal always going to act like that?"

"You mean walk away while he still has a chance to stay sane?"

"I was thinking more along the lines of running away like a baby."

"Grow up."

"HEY BATS!" Hal's voice came from outside, "WHAT'S BIG AND HEAVY AND _NOT_ YELLOW?"

"…"

"…"

"IT'S THE BATMOBILE I'M GOING TO THROW INTO THIS WAREHOUSE!"

"And that's my cue to leave," John ran out the door. Batman heard a _click!_ and felt fear. He didn't have time to paint all of his gear yellow and only had his fists.

A moment later, the Batmobile crashed in and Batman rolled out of the way, wondering why he thought Hal would have fought him in the yellow-painted warehouse like he thought he would.

Robin was going to throttle him for making him paint the whole place by himself. Alfred would make him clean it up by himself.

Painting the cockroaches was a nice touch, though.

* * *

"Flash, I just want to say –"

"I win."

"No, I was going to – where is my utility belt?"

"Here," Flash held it up, "Super-speed, remember?"

"Oh…"

"By the way, exactly _how_ were you going to get that thing on me that would make me lose control over my powers? You're not a Speedster!"

"…"

"And the winner is –"

 _POW!_

"– Flash!...someone get a doctor, I think he broke Batman's jaw…"

* * *

"Did you want to see how Batman could handle himself against the League or were you just looking for an excuse to beat the living daylights out of Batman?" Captain Marvel raised an eyebrow as he looked at Flash. Batman had gone home after finally conceding that he wasn't the best and apologized – Hal wasn't that convinced – and gave the League all the information he had on the countermeasures for future reference.

"Yes."

"Yes does not count as a legitimate answer, Flash!"

* * *

 **Author's Note:** What started out as simply mocking the idea that Batman could beat the entire Justice League because "He is so fucking awesome 'cause he's Batman and all" turned into a jab at Batman's response at the end of _Justice League: Doom_ , where he stated that the League was his countermeasure in the event that he would turn rogue.

And yes, I know that there is additional material that explained that the League could use his parents as a way as well as "threaten" his friends and family, but the movie – which I did not watch, but am familiar with the scene at the end – kind of copped out of Batman admitting he was wrong and hand-waved the logic of not having a plan set up _for himself._

Captain Marvel was not in the film, neither was Canary. But since the character designs were used for Young Justice as well, I will take it.

Why does everyone think Superman is helpless against dealing with Kryptonite after so many years of experience? Yes, Batman wasn't close enough, but he seems to think Kryptonite is the only insurance he needs against Superman when he isn't taking into account that Superman has faster reflexes and long-distance abilities.

Probably not the last time I will reference _The Crazy Nastyass Honey Badger_. Kind of fun, though. Sorry for the poor quality, six courses is exhausting right now. But I thought it was pretty funny, overall. It pays to channel **SpoonAndJohn** into my humor. Check out their stories, they are really entertaining. :)


	30. The Sunglasses

_Robin, you can tell the Team, now, if you want._

Robin had to bit down on his lips to get himself from smiling. He readjusted his sunglasses, imagining the reactions he was going to get when he finally took them off. Wally loved making jokes at his expense about them, teasing remarks about how Batman didn't trust anyone to even see his own face. Alfred had finally talked Batman into this, convincing him that the Team could be trusted with Robin's secret identity.

He was going to have so much fun screwing around with his friends!

 _Recognize: Robin. B02._

"Hello Richard, off to see Black Canary today?"

Robin stopped mid-step and looked at Kaldur, sitting at the kitchen counter with a mug in his hands. He frowned.

"Dude, I have no idea what you're talking about.

"Of course," Kaldur smirked, "My apologies…Dick."

Robin shook his head, " _Tsk tsk tsk_ , Kal. Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"

"I am told that Dick is the abbreviated name for Richard. I am simply using it because that is the name you go by."

"I'm not Dick Grayson, Kal. I think being out of the water too long's messing with your head," Robin smirked.

"I am not an idiot. We all know Robin and Dick Grayson are the same person," Kaldur sighed.

"Alright, well I'm telling you I'm _Not Dick Grayson._ I'm going to be late for my counseling session, later."

"Whatever you say…Dick Grayson," Kaldur smiled as Robin growled out of the room.

* * *

"Wally," Kaldur greeted Wally at the Zeta tube, "How is it possible that you became friends with a billionaire's son so easily?"

"Don't you get hounded by the press a lot?" M'gann added as she flew over to them.

"I bet that makes Batman's secret ID Bruce Wayne, then?" Artemis shouted from the other side of the Cave, "Who knew our hacker by night would be a nerd by day?"

"What?!" Wally's eyes darted nervously between Kaldur and M'gann, chuckling as he dashed over to the TV area and grabbed the remote from the sofa, "No he's _not!_ Have you ever _seen_ Dick Grayson before?"

"Yes," Kaldur nodded, "he was just here three minutes ago and is now holed up in a counseling session with Black Canary wearing sunglasses and saying that he was _not_ Dick Grayson."

Wally blanched. Kaldur was smiling, shaking a little as if he were laughing.

"Kid," he finally said, "you didn't _actually_ believe that we would be that oblivious, did you?"

"Aw man…" Wally sagged his head in defeat, "Bats is gonna flip when he finds out."

* * *

"Anyone want to make a guess who I am?" Robin stared at the Team an hour later as they were watching a movie, "I got the Batman's blessing."

He added the last bit in a sweetening and tempting voice. Conner looked at him for a moment before turning his attention back to the screen. He chuckled quietly as he watched a sword fight between a horse and a man holding a frying pan.

" _YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT THIS IS THE STRANGEST THING I'VE EVER DONE!"_

"Now _I_ want a frying pan for a weapon…" Wally smiled.

"No one wants to try taking the sunglasses off?" Dick frowned, "Bummer. I was _really_ hoping that someone would –"

"Dick Grayson," Artemis grumbled, her eyes still looking at the television screen.

Dick blinked.

Artemis finally looked at him, "Dick Grayson. Ward of Bruce Wayne, CEO of Wayne Enterprises and if the domino effect is correct, that makes him Batman."

"He's not Batman," Dick said on instinct, blushing when he realized his voice went up an octave at the end.

"Okay, so how does your legal guardian let you wander around at night with some guy in a mask all the time?" Artemis smirked, "Batman and Robin are pretty high profile, you know."

"I'm not Dick Grayson!" Dick insisted, his voice bouncing off the walls a little.

" _Right_ ," Artemis smirked, "And I'm not the daughter to Sportsmaster and the original Huntress before she was crippled and spent the past four to five years behind bars until she was let out a few months ago."

Her eyes widened while Dick smirked.

"Wait…" M'gann said, looking away from the screen. "You're related to criminals?"

"And Huntress is older than she looks?!" Wally screeched. He blinked, " _Ohh…._ you're talking about _another_ Huntress…wait, what?"

Artemis got up from the couch and started backing away when Kaldur held a hand up, "Your family does not define you, Artemis. You're one of us and that's all I care about."

She stopped and stared. Artemis bit her lip and covered her mouth, slowly breathing in and out.

"Artemis…" M'gann spoke softly, standing up now, "We're your friends, we aren't going to hate you out of the blue…I'm sorry if I scared you…"

She closed her mouth when Artemis ran into her and held her close. M'gann paused for a moment, before she smiled and wrapped her arms around Artemis, rubbing her back in small circles. A moment later, Kaldur had an arm around Artemis' shoulder with Conner hugging M'gann from behind. Wally and Robin placed a hand on Artemis' back several seconds afterwards.

"Thanks guys…" Artemis whispered.

"Um…" Wally looked down, "We…we like having you around. You're…fun to argue with."

"And tease," Robin added.

"That means a lot, coming from my classmate," Robin groaned and started speaking when Artemis started giggling, "You were right. First day of school, you…"

She sniggered and gently pushed M'gann away.

"You said…" Artemis covered her mouth and shook, snorting loudly, "You took a picture of me from behind and said I'd laugh."

"No, I said and I quote 'we'll laugh about this, someday.' End quote…dammit!"

"Having an off day, Grayson?" Artemis smiled.

"I'm not Dick Grayson, and you're all crazy. Goodbye," Robin walked away until he reached the Zeta tube.

 _Recognize: Dick Grayson. B02._

"My name's not Dick Grayson!"

"Yes, it is," Conner called out to him.

"This is. _Not._ Aster!"

"Roy wanted me to tell you that it's payback for messing with his name on the system so much," Wally called out as Robin-Not-Dick-Grayson vanished into the light.

* * *

"Bruce?"

"Yes, Dick?"

"Remember when you said I could tell them my secret ID?"

"Yes."

"And that I could have fun with it?"

"Yes."

"And that I would inherit the Batmobile on my 16th birthday?"

"…"

"…okay, that last one was a lie…"

"Your point?"

"My point is that Clark is gonna rib you for saying his glasses don't work and then applying the principle to me."

"…"

"…"

"…we must never speak of this again."

"Agreed."

* * *

 **Author's Note:** What's this? An update two days after the last one? A rarity indeed! Just another funny piece with a little bit on Artemis, too. I swear, whenever I think of her, I think Wally and I need to get those two to interact with more characters in this fic.

I heard about fics where Robin trolls everyone with the sunglasses and secret ID, but I would _love_ it if DC were to make fun of the domino mask thing with him and have people putting two and two together with no trouble. Like Superman tweeting about Batman being Bruce Wayne (from the _Injustice_ comics, apparently).

Don't forget to review and be sure to check out the page on TV Tropes. It needs some loving. Also, do you guys know a good day for me to post this fic? I am trying to figure out the system to get the most views.


	31. Announcement

**Author's Note:** No, this isn't a real update, just letting you guys know what the issue is: I am graduating from college and finishing up my final projects. I will get back to the story by next Saturday or so, so please don't give up on this.

Also, I don't think I'll be doing this fic forever. There are still a few more cliches and story pieces that need resolution, so I decided to show you guys the chapter list in advance. The titles should give you guys some hints on what cliches I'll be tackling next or further exploring:

* * *

 **Captured: The Joker II**

 **Mary Sue?! III**

 **Mary Sue?! IV**

 **I Love You, Artemis Crock**

 **Magic II**

 **Broken Nose II**

 **Robin: The Baby Wonder**

 **The Shape of Water**

 **Deathstroke: The Obsessive**

 **The Flying Trapeze I**

 **The Flying Trapeze II**

 **Rocket Power!**

 **My Two Dads**

 **Hello, M'gann!**

 **Teen Titans...Who?**

 **Opposites Do NOT Attract**

 **Yours, Mind, and Ours**

 **Don't Call Me Baby Flash! II**

 **The Platonic BirdFlash**

 **All is Fair In Love and War**

 **Daddybats is Not My Bats**

 **Aqualad Rocks!**

 **A Family that Fights Together**

 **Bullies III (Final)**

 **When All is Said and Done**

* * *

 **Author's Note:** I'm getting a little teary-eyed. I know that some of these stories will be a little sad and I know I can't keep writing these, because I have so many more stories to tell and need the time to do so.

Don't give up on me, your suggestions have helped me figure out the rest of the series. And with that, I thank you. See you guys again on May 26th. Check out my Big Hero 6 fic, Shock, next Saturday as well, if you want to check that out.

See you guys!


	32. Captured: The Joker II

**Author's Note:** The second "Joker catches the Team" chapter. Enjoy!

* * *

 _Tell me again_ why _we came to Gotham again?_ Artemis groaned. She test her arms against the restraints again before banging her head against the table she was strapped to.

 _Because we keep getting covert missions here for some goddamn reason,_ Rocket huffed.

 _Don't squirm so much, Rocket, you're bumping against my table_ , Kid Flash protested.

 _This is nothing_ , Robin said, _it's not like it's the first time the Joker managed to get the jump on me._

 _We know that, Robin, we were with you. Remember?_ Artemis rolled her eyes.

Robin didn't appear to have heard her and continued, _Yeah. And let me tell you, it is not fun. Like one time, Poison Ivy had me trapped in some plant that left hives all over my –_

 _Robin, I just said we were captured by the Joker before, didn't you hear me?_

– _and I know this isn't the right time to talk about it, but I'm just saying that the guys here in Gotham aren't like your common crook,_ Robin continued.

 _Did you just not hear what I was saying?_ Artemis's eyes widened. She tried craning her neck over to where Aqualad was strapped down, _Is it me, or is Robin going deaf?_

– _and then Mad Hatter wanted me to be a test subject for this new microchip he was working on that would have made anyone with it act like a chicken being chased by a coyote in heat_ , Robin sounded melodramatic, which Artemis found odd considering how what he was describing didn't really warrant angsting over.

 _Dude, we get it, can you come back to Earth and help us figure out how to get out of these restraints?_ Kid Flash asked irritably, _We don't need the details!_

 _Yes, KF, I_ did _have to go through that shit ever since I was nine_ , Robin responded while Kid Flash began stammering, _How else do you think I'm keeping a cool head right now?_

 _Earth to Robin, we weren't asking you that!_ Zatanna said nervously.

… _but that doesn't compare to what the Scarecrow did to me,_ Robin continued, _and I know you guys might be wondering 'How is Robin still in the crimefighting business?' And I'll tell you it's because I live with a mentally unbalanced man who never once in his life thought that he could have gone through therapy to deal with his own traumas and decided that not making_ me _go through therapy would be beneficial, somehow –_

 _ROBIN, SHUT UP!_ Everyone shouted simultaneously.

 _OWWWW!_ Robin winced, _What the hell was that for?!_

 _We've all been captured before, Robin, stop acting like we're new to this!_ Kid Flash snapped, _I was just abducted by the Rogues last week! I told you about it! REM-EM-BER?_

 _Psimon and some soldiers were torturing me in Bialya that time we lost six months' worth of memories,_ Superboy growled, _We get captured on missions, sometimes. Maybe it isn't like what you deal with in this city, but we've been through it enough to know what happens._

 _M'Gann, why aren't you getting the gag out of my mouth?!_ Zatanna sounded exasperated. _You could have done that a while ago!_

 _Sorry,_ Miss Martian said sheepishly, Someone – she directed her thoughts towards Robin – _wouldn't stop talking for two seconds. Hold still for a moment._

 _Only thing I_ can _do…._ Zatanna grumbled.

 _You did?_ Robin blinked. _Oh…how did I forget that? …and how the hell did I forget last time, too?_

 _Wait, you mean you_ weren't _just ranting and ignoring us on purpose?_ Rocket stared incredulously.

Robin shook his head as best as he could.

 _I believe I speak for all of us when I say that something is rotten in the state of Denver,_ Aqualad furrowed his eyebrows.

 _Den_ mark _, Kal,_ Robin corrected him.

 _My apologies_.

 _And KF, I remember last week. But didn't you say they kidnapped you so you could have a sleepover with them?_ Robin sounded confused. Artemis couldn't tell. All she could properly look at was the ceiling. _Am I phrasing it correctly?_

… _yes,_ Kid Flash sighed.

The noises in the room were the background noises of sirens in the distance.

 _What._ Zatanna asked.

 _Later…I…I just don't want to talk about it._

 _I just need to get the gag out of Zatanna's mouth before the Joker comes in_ , M'Gann started.

SLAM!

 _Too late_ , Artemis said.

"Hello kiddies," Joker's pasty-white skin stretched around the mouth upwards, "Your dear ol' Uncle Joker finally cleared off his plate, so he can spend time with you all."

He turned his head towards Robin, shaking his head at him, "Though I have to admit I wasn't expecting Bird Boy to neglect telling me you were all coming to see me. Eight times the fun, I suppose."

 _Miss Martian_ , Aqualad avoided locking eyes with her in case the Joker looked his way, _Do something!_

 _Like what? Remove the Kryptonite chains that are too tightly wound around Superboy?_ Miss Martian asked sarcastically. _Enter the Joker's mind and hope I don't get lost or have him recite something like Bane did. Finally remove Zatanna's gag without the Joker seeing my eyes go green?_

 _USE YOUR TELEKENESIS TO KNOCK HIM OUT!_ Robin snapped. _HE DIDN'T HAVE AN INHIBITOR COLLAR ON YOU EARLIER –_

"That reminds me," the Joker said, "I have a present for the niece that's so no, she's green."

Before Miss Martian could stop him, the Joker quickly slapped an inhibitor collar on her neck.

 _Gotta think of something_ , Artemis thought. An idea came to her and she tried to keep the shakiness out of her voice, "Hey, um…Uncle J? I'm a _really_ big fan of your work and I just want to say that I'm _so_ happy to meet you in person."

She fought the urge to vomit as the Joker's pasty-white face was close to her, "You really mean it? You actually find my work worthy of respect?"

"Yeah," Artemis nodded a little, noting the strap around her forehead that kept her pinned, "I mean, anyone who could take down all of the Team without much effort is worth respecting. I mean, you already kept our magician from using her magic to cast a spell –"

"I on' hink ur helping!" Zatanna spoke with the cloth gag around her mouth.

Artemis continued, "And you just put on that collar to keep Miss Martian from using her TK."

"I should have done that sooner," Joker nodded solemnly, "But I figured the bombs around her table would have kept her compliant."

"Pressure or timer?" Artemis asked.

"Pressure, of course," the Joker cackled, "If she moved, everyone else in the room would have went BOOM!"

"Oh, that is _so_ evil."

"Isn't it?" The Joker grinned, "Forcing her to go through all that misery just so no one suffers for her actions. Brilliant!"

"And just using a sliver of Kryptonite on Superboy," Artemis was thankful that the Joker didn't look at him when Superboy was brought up, "Talk about keeping it in budget."

"That one was Harley 3's idea, actually," there was a frown on the Joker's face now. Artemis shivered. "If I wanted to keep it in budget, I would have just used a crowbar on you all and be done with it."

"And then taking away _all_ of our gear so we couldn't try escaping was _genius!_ " _Gotta keep him talking,_ Artemis thought, _as long as he's busy gloating, he won't get any ideas._

CRACK!

"Too bad you didn't know Kryptonite isn't as effective on _half_ -Kryptonians," Artemis allowed herself to smile as Superboy charged at a startled-looking Joker.

* * *

Kaldur waited until the mission debriefing was over and the Team disbursed before tapping Batman on the shoulder.

"May I have a word with you" He asked. Batman nodded. Kaldur looked over to Robin, who appeared to be talking to Kid Flash, but had his head slightly turned to where Batman and Kaldur were. Kaldur flickered his eyes over to where Robin was when he caught Batman's eye and flickered them over to the hallway. Batman nodded, understanding that Kaldur wanted the conversation to continue in private.

"What is it, Aqualad?" Batman asked when Kaldur brought them into his room and closed the door behind him.

"When we were captured by the Joker…again," Kaldur groaned as he was forced to remember the ordeal that the Team had barely managed to get out of, "Robin kept on ranting on how it was a common occurrence to him. Even when we told him that we were not inexperienced with being captured on missions, he kept on describing scenarios where he was in the hands of your enemies, as though he did not hear us."

"What is your point, Aqualad?" Kaldur flinched at the cold tone and steeled himself for the point that he wanted to discuss.

Kaldur suddenly felt as though the conversation was not going to go in the direction he was hoping for, but pushed forward with it, "Has Robin ever received counseling for what he goes through in Gotham?"

"That is none of your concern, Aqulad."

Kaldur bit his lip and pressed the issue, "As his team leader, the mental health of everyone under my command _is_ my concern."

Batman's tone didn't change as he answered, "And as his mentor, I –"

"Yes. Or. No," Kaldur responded coldly.

Batman began to walk out of the room when Kaldur held his arm out in front of him.

"I will have to assume that he _isn't_ currently seeking counseling for anything he goes through in Gotham if his unprovoked rant earlier is evidence enough," Kaldur kept his gaze on Batman, almost daring him to attempt to brush off the issue, "I understand that there are times where intervention is not necessary where you are involved, but speaking as Robin's leader _and_ his friend, I would appreciate knowing that he is receiving support when necessary."

"You're making this kind of assumption based on one incident?" Batman asked coolly.

"Yes," Kaldur knew how ridiculous it was from Batman's perspective, but he rather ensured that there was no problem now rather than find out later at an inopportune time and place, "Isn't there a mindset you have about addressing issues before they get out of hand?"

"…yes," Batman nodded. He sounded weary, "Robin – understand that what I am about to tell you is confidential and will be abridged for the safety of the identities of Robin and myself – takes after me in more ways than one. He uses stealth as his tool, doesn't appreciate things being kept from him, and…he's stubborn. I _have_ , under pressure, suggested to Robin that he seek support so whatever we deal with in Gotham doesn't affect his personal life or his sanity. He refused and as his mentor, I had to respect his wishes."

"It is not a matter of respect if his sanity is an issue," Kaldur argued.

"After Independence Day, he wouldn't talk to me for a week after my decision regarding the Team was made," Batman continued, "he saw it as a betrayal of his trust, after everything we had gone through together. When he first started out…"

He paused, and Kaldur thought he heard a shudder come off Batman for the briefest moment.

"…when Robin first started out, he put one-hundred and ten percent into everything he did on patrol, to please me. But, at the same time, he was _desperate_ for me to notice him. It wasn't easy, I never in my life had planned on becoming –"

 _A parent_ , Kaldur could have sworn that those were the next words that Batman was going to say. He just knew it. But he knew that the admission alone would have made an open secret public knowledge that neither Batman or Robin might be ready to acknowledge to the rest of the League.

"A mentor?" Kaldur suggested.

"Yes," Batman said quietly, "In that short span of time that I began, I quickly learned that keeping secrets that Robin had a right to know about was a poorly thought out process."

"What do secrets have to do with this discussion?" Kaldur asked.

"Keeping secrets from those who deserve to know their contents would be a violation of trust, and trust is an important part of my relationship with Robin. He and I are equals, and therefore, I need to treat Robin as an equal and respect his wishes as best as I can."

"Can we both agree that in this situation, the issue is not respecting him, but merely making sure Robin is alright?"

Batman sighed, "I'm starting to see your point, Aqualad. I suppose the first step would be to let Black Canary know to bring up stuff in Gotham during her sessions with Robin. Of course, I wouldn't be allowed to know what they were talking about without Robin's permission, so Robin should at least know that he is allowed the right to privacy."

"Thank you," Kaldur nodded, "I will end this discussion and keep my eyes open."

"Of course," Batman nodded in return.

* * *

"Hello, Robin."

"Hey, Canary."

"How have you been doing this week?"

"KF and I're going to see a new movie over the weekend. Then there's an old family friend coming to visit. I can't wait to meet them, actually."

"That's nice. I look forward to times I can see old friends, also."

"And…I've been thinking about our last mission, too…"

"Oh?"

"Yeah…I was thinking about it. A lot, actually. Well, more like how _I_ was reacting…you can't tell Batman…"

"Nothing leaves this room."

"…sometimes, I just hate the downsides to being a hero…especially in Gotham..."

* * *

 **Author's Note:** You have no idea how close I was to changing the way everyone looked at the fic. I almost decided to include Mxyzstplk as the source of the clichés that kept popping up, baffled by how everyone seemed to move _against_ his expectations. It reminded me of a LOTR fic, _The Game of the Gods_ , where two higher deities that are apparently a part of the lore played against each other in a chess-like challenge. One side relied on Maru Sues. The other simply used invoked reality on the game piece and the Mary Sues would die every time.

Shout out to the reader who suggested this to me…I just can't find their name or the message with their suggestion. I am so sorry! Thank you, Reader, for the suggestion for this chapter, I hope you liked it! :) They said that the Team would act surprised while Robin listed off all the times he was captured in Gotham, even though there had been several times in the show that they were captured and even tortured at some points. Superboy mentioned Bialya, when they all lose 6 months' worth of memories and he was captured by Psimon. Then there was Independence Day when Robin, Aqualad and KF were captured and Cadmus attempted to clone them.

This chapter was not as long as I wanted it to be, but I am trying not to sacrifice humor for the sake of drama just so the fic feels more fleshed out.

Batman _could_ make Robin go to counseling, as he is a minor, but there is also the possibility that even if Robin was forced to go earlier, he wouldn't have wanted to talk about anything, even if it was with Canary. Basing this notion on what I understand in therapy and my own experiences – no, I am not crazy, I just had some stuff I wanted to get off my chest – helps with the counseling scenes. The lack of descriptive detail was intentional on my part, just to focus on what Canary and Robin were saying.

Thanks for reading this far and don't forget to review!


	33. Pixie Boots and Panties

**Author's Note:** I am ao sorry for the long absence, I had no idea how to write this story for a while and needed a break from it. Also, I ended up being a little insensitive in my end notes last chapter and want to clarify what I meant.

I was talking about counseling and had meant to state that it wasn't a sign of anything wrong with you, because I was afraid that I would get reviews asking me about my mental health or if there was something wrong with me. There isn't, just to be clear. I did not mean to offend anyone and just wanted to say if you ever wanted to have someone to talk to about personal issues or just get something off your chest, counseling is very beneficial. **A Small Voice** , I am so sorry for my poor wording, I hope you can forgive me for them...

X

Rocket giggled as she gazed over the photos Wally had brought to the Cave one afternoon. This was just too good to ignore. Robin ought to be here in a few minutes...

 _Recognize: Robin. B02._

"Hey guys, who's up for..." Robin stopped when he noticed the stares he was getting. Aside from Artemis' smirk, Rocket giggling, Beast Boy blushing a darker green and Wally looking pale as if realizing what he had just done, Robin was stumped, "What?"

"Just looking over your old outfit," Artemis said in a teasing manner.

Robin rolled his eyes. So _that_ was what it was all about...

"Yeah, yeah, I wore pixie boots, big deal and a hardy har-har."

"Don't forget panties," Beast Boy piped up.

Robin adjusted his sunglasses, "Excuse me?"

"Panties," Beast Boy repeated, "You know? Ladies underwear?"

"I know what panties are, I just don't follow," Robin looked at Wally accusingly, who could only shrug.

In response, Rocket picked up a photo and held it up. It showed Robin when he was nine, wearing a brighter, more colorful version of his current uniform. The red vest was sleeveless and his hair cut short.

And he was showing his legs.

"Explain this, then," Rocket said.

"I did not wear panties back then," Robin sighed and looked up at the ceiling. He continued, "Why did you bring those pictures here, Wally?"

"The others just wanted to see what you looked like back then," Wally said.

"So that makes Batman a pervert then!" Artemis chuckled for a moment before her eyes widened and she ducked, barely missing a birdarang that came close to hitting.

"Don't ever say that about him," Robin said darkly, "Don't."

"But the outfit," Beast Boy continued while the others waved their hands frantically, shushing him and trying to get him to shut up.

"I said _don't,"_ Robin repeated coldly, "I am NOT having anyone here say that, even as a joke! And for the record, I was not wearing _panties_ during that time. If those _were_ panties, then they would have slipped off so many times when I did backflips and scaled walls and acrobatic tricks! It was part of a _leotard!_ "

He turned around and went back towards the entrance.

 _Recognize: Robin. B02._

He looked back one more time and glared at Wally, "You of all people should know how I would have felt if you showed those photos. I'm not putting up with teasing outside of school!"

The flash of light came and went, leaving the small group feeling guilty. Wally sighed and glowered at the girls and Beast Boy.

"I'll be taking those photos back, now. If you'll excuse me, I gotta apologize to my best friend..."

Wally grabbed the photos up in an instant and went to the Zeta Tube.

 _Recognise: Kid Flash. B03._

 **X**

 **Author's Note:** Plenty of stories have referred to Robin's first outfit as being panties - which, to be honest, sounds REALLY creepy - and then having his friends tease him for it. But this is also the same fandom who likes having Robin be bullied, so I don't think he'd appreciate that kind of treatment from the people that care about him.

I just don't get it...

Thanks for reading. Don't forget to review.


	34. Mary Sue? III

**Author's Note:** I'm so sorry for the long absence, I was working on another fic of mine for the Big Hero 6 fandom. Now for part 4 of the Mary Sue arc!

* * *

"HE _LLOOOOOOO_!" Ethel called out for the fiftieth time, "CAN ANYONE HEAR ME? I'VE BEEN IN THIS CELL FOR AWHILE, NOW!"

She paced around her cramped cell, sealed with a red, electric barrier where the door would be, huffing and whipping her head as if expecting someone to appear out of nowhere.

"Why am I here?" She whispered to herself. Why was the League afraid of her, all of a sudden? All she could remember was sparring with the Blue Beetle to test out her powers, and then, suddenly she found herself lying down on a hard bed, restrained by straps like an experiment. She didn't like the words that were thrown around, either.

 _Unstable._

 _Unbalanced._

 _Danger to herself and others._

Someone almost said the word, clone, too. Or at least, she _thought_ someone was going to suggest she was a clone. Until someone else – Superman or Superboy, she couldn't tell, they sounded so much alike – cleared their throat and suggested _not_ reaching that conclusion too quickly.

At least _someone_ was on her side!

Why would she be a clone? She had powers that were unlike anybody she had ever seen or heard of before. Ever since she was little, Ethel's life could be consisted of each new hero coming into play, becoming an icon for those who were unable to defend themselves. She wanted to be like them so much that it made her want to cry. And she did.

And now she _finally_ develops powers and wanted to use them for good. The first step, though, was getting the heroes' attention in the first place. She didn't know how, but she had managed to pinpoint possible locations that young heroes were rumored to have been stalking around due to the location being either isolated, heavily guarded or both. Judging from how members of Young Justice and the Justice League had reacted, she took that as a sign of respect that she was able to track a black-ops team.

Then again, the whole point of a black-ops team was to be covert, as Blue Beetle had been kind enough to tell her, so she was starting to think that maybe _that_ was the reason they were so afraid of her now.

She managed to hear a conversation about some hostages and threw caution to the wind to rescue them before anything would happen to them. She didn't care about how much damage she would cause if it meant that the people abducted were safe, she'd have brought the whole place down if the Team had let her do it.

 _Burn the place down. Forget the hostages! I just wanted to see something blow UP!_

Ethel blinked. Where did that thought come from? That didn't really sound…heroic.

The back of her head hit the pillow and she sighed. This wasn't fair! She had just found her long lost twin and she –

Ethel blinked again. Twin? She was an only child, where did that thought come from? And when did she find that twin?

She didn't look _anything_ like Nightwing as far as she could tell.

* * *

Nightwing examined the data collected from Blue Beetle's analysis, getting a rather large headache from looking over the numbers again and again with no distinction.

This girl, there was no certain way of pinpointing her genetic make-up. It just seemed to…change. While her physical appearance would remain the same; her blood type and DNA matches would alter without warning. At one point, she was sharing at least a 99.99 percent match with _his_ DNA.

The last thing he needed was for people to ask if she was his sister…

That thought made him shudder and his insides chill. Not the 'I almost got frostbite from fighting Mister Freeze in August and have to pass it off as the result of being somewhere cold during the summer' chill. More like a 'ew, gross! I don't want to think about it' chill.

"Any luck?" Kid Flash had dashed in, holding two mocha frappes in his hand. Nightwing took the one offered and shook his head. Kid Flash leaned against the wall, sighing, "That sucks. Don't you think you should take a break soon? You've been here for five hours, now."

Nightwing shook his head again and took a sip from his drink. He tasted sea-salt caramel in it, adding a bit of sweetness to what was already bitter.

"Aw, come on!" Kid Flash pushed against the wall and glared at his friend, "You aren't gonna find anything new if you aren't feeling your best. Just…what did you find out since you started?"

"Nothing," Nightwing turned to face him with a small scowl.

Kid Flash gestured to the screen, "Doesn't look like a whole lot of nothing."

"That's the thing," Nightwing continued, "The data keeps getting scrambled. The blood tissue keeps changing in blood type, origin and DNA. And we haven't found any connection between her powers and any other superhero or villain on this planet."

"Maybe she's from outer space and doesn't remember?" Kid Flash suggested.

Nightwing shook his head, "A possibility, but we don't have any conclusive evidence to work with. Miss M and Manhunter are prepared to do a mindreading as a last resort, but we shouldn't be getting any information out of this girl by force."

"Any idea when that last resort might happen?" Kid Flash asked.

Nightwing's head hung low and he sighed again, wishing that he didn't have to go through any research with a fine comb. He looked at his friend tiredly and said, "If I don't find anything by morning, I guess that's when."

"Just a day?" Kid Flash looked at him oddly, "That's a little quick."

"We're dealing with someone who could be the Rorschach of DNA, we shouldn't be taking any chances. The last time we did, the League was compromised, and we still haven't account for the 16 hours that 6 League members went missing."

"Well, then," Kid Flash said coolly, "I guess this means I'll have to kill you for discovering my plans, then."

He flashed a smile that slipped off when he saw Nightwing's glare.

"Okay, not funny," Kid Flash said. He winced a moment later after thinking, "Oof. Right, we almost got killed for finding out the bad guy's plans…what the hell was I thinking?"

"Don't worry, KF," Nightwing said, "I know you didn't mean it like that. Just…watch what you say in the future, okay?"

"You know, that makes me wonder what's really worse," Kid Flash continued slowly, "I mean, once you die, its over and done. At least until the universe resets itself or the Lazarus Pit is used. Now being alive is a lot of work."

"Of course, it is," Nighwing agreed, "It actually reminds me of something my dad used to say. 'Dying is easy, young man. Living is harder.' So we have to make each moment count. Like I'm doing now."

Kid Flash rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything else. He just hoped that whatever answer Nightwing could find, it would happen soon.

* * *

Ethel was starting to lose track of what was real and what was her imagination anymore. How long was that pink pony standing there with a tray of cupcakes? Did she just eat or was she hallucinating from hunger? Her stomach wasn't growling but Ethel didn't think that she would have been served something as delicious as beef wellington. And what did she do last night? Something about…sparring? No, she couldn't have, Ethel was better than that.

Oh, yes, a date. She was on a date with Blue Beetle.

No, she wasn't. It was testing her powers with him and then it got cut short for some reason…

Ethel bobbed up and down in the air before she realized she was floating and screamed. She dropped to the ground immediately and scooted against the wall in terror.

"I'm dreaming," Ethel whispered, fighting back tears, "I'm gonna wake up in my bed and everything will be fine."

She closed her eyes and almost believed it…

When Ethel opened them again, it didn't feel like much time had passed at all. But she noticed someone else in the cell with her and rubbed her eyes until they didn't see blurry blots around her. Ethel moaned as she pushed away from the wall, rubbing her back and making note to _never_ sleep like that again.

The woman looked a lot like her. She seemed older, though. Ethel couldn't tell what her body type was. Her hair lacked the same blue streaks that Ethel did and was shorter, almost like it was chopped off with a butcher's knife.

Behind her were Batman and Superman doing the can-can in rhinestone high heels and matching Speedos. She ignored that.

"Who are you?" Ethel asked.

"Ya know, I could be asking _you_ that question?" The woman phrased it like a question, but Ethel wasn't sure what she was asking.

Ethel looked away for a moment and saw her bedding floating three inches off the mattress. Then it fell back down just as quickly.

"Aw yeah!" The woman cheered, "The other powers are kicking in. Ya know, I thought fire breath would have been original, but ya hardly used it at all. I mean, what _gives_?!"

"Who the hell are you?" Ethel growled, fighting the urge to scream for help.

The woman smiled in a way that reminded Ethel of how she would do so in front of others. She said in a blank voice,

"I'm you."

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Please don't hate me! I'm so sorry for the long absence. Again. From writing what I meant to write. This was hard to do and I somehow managed to pull it together. Will the last part be longer like I envisioned? Maybe by 1k words, I don't know. Thank you for taking the time to read this, please review to let me know if this was worth the wait.

Poor Ethel, though. She's definitely going to have a hard time in the next chapter.


	35. The Flying Trapeze I

**Author's Note:** First off, I will be concluding the Mary Sue arc soon. I just had to post this for my promised _Flying Trapeze_ arc. What does it signify? You'll find out.

Second off…

 _Cricket chirps_

Is anyone there? Am I just entertaining an invisible audience? Was last chapter crappy? I knew I could have done better with it, I'm just not sure what you all thought of it.

Happy first day of Spring, everyone!

 **(0-0)**

 _Recognize: Robin. B02._

Zatanna's greeting died on her lips when she saw Robin walking slowly out of the Zeta tube with his head tucked between his shoulders. His sunglasses were sliding off his face and his face looked pale.

"Robin, is…is everything alright?" She asked as he passed her.

"No," Robin said quietly, not looking her way, "Just give me some space today, okay?"

Without waiting for a response, he went towards the couch near the TV and sat down next to Conner and Wally as they played a video game with princesses and plumbers. Wally immediately wrapped an arm around his friend's shoulder and Robin leaned against it as though it were a lifeline.

Zatanna ignored her first instinct, which was to go over and ask her boyfriend what was wrong. She knew he kept secrets, and she respected that. There were still things that Zatanna hadn't told others on the Team yet, either. If Robin told her anything, it would be because he wanted to.

But that didn't stop her from at least suspecting what the matter was with him. His cheeky persona was gone and the boy that took his place was emotionally drained. Something must have happened today and he must have wanted to be around people. Not to interact, but to fight off the loneliness for a time. That was what Zatanna went through after the first anniversary of her mother's death.

She decided to tell the rest as they came in to give Robin some space.

 **(0-0)**

M'Gann knew something was wrong when Robin went past Zatanna without so much of a kiss on the cheek or a cheerful smile in greeting. His sorrow, while controlled, still radiated off him like heat. It didn't overwhelm M'Gann, but it still made her shiver.

Zatanna caught her eye a few moments later and walked up to her.

"Let's give Robbie some space," she suggested.

"Alright," M'Gann nodded, keeping her expression calm.

"And M'Gann?"

"Yes?"

Zatanna looked over to where Robin was, watching idly as Wally and Conner played a video game.

"Let's include Wally in the Don't-Ask category, too."

M'Gann nodded again. She didn't pressure Artemis to talk about her personal life and was rewarded for her patience with some insight in December. As did the rest of the Team. If Robin was comfortable enough to say something, she would take it as the ultimate sign of trust.

She summoned her cookbook from the countertop and looked over the page she had thumbed earlier. Garfield had proven to be a picky eater, so she had to work at making things that he would like _and_ were vegan.

A small smile crept her face, a hint of mischief on it, as she pondered how her little brother would enjoy brownies with avocado in them.

 **(0-0)**

Wally didn't need to say anything when Robin came to sit down next to him. He offered physical support like Uncle Barry or his father would on bad days and Robin accepted it. Neither one of them was typically affectionate, wishing to maintain a level of manliness while demonstrating sensitivity.

He knew Robin wouldn't burst into tears, not after four years. The boy had told Wally that he wouldn't cry on this day ever again after a spectacular meltdown at some party. All Robin asked for from his mentor and everyone else was some space. If anyone in the know wished to comfort him, it couldn't be overbearing, or else Robin would see it as pity and not support.

If all he could do was give a one-armed hug and sacrifice his ability to play Mario Party with two hands, he would do it.

 **(0-0)**

One by one, other members of the Team filed in after their day of schooling or personal pleasure in the case of Kaldur.

And Zatanna and M'Gann made sure that they all knew to give Robin space, even when he stood up from his place on the couch and walk down through the Cave on his own.

At that point, though, even Wally was beginning to look a little lost, but didn't move from his seat on the couch. Was it out of respect for his friend, fear of making things worse, uncertainty on how to act?

All ears perked up when they heard the speakers,

 _Recognize, Batman. 02._

No one was expecting Batman to arrive in the Cave so suddenly. Usually, he'd announce his presence over the speakers about a new mission. What was so different about his presence being announced?

"Where is he?" Batman said suddenly.

Zatanna caught M'Gann's eye, who was looking just as lost.

"Uh…who?" Garfield spoke up from the kitchen.

"Robin," Batman said simply.

Wally shifted in his seat, looking uncomfortable, "Um…he's somewhere in the Cave. By himself. And we're not bothering him about it."

"Why didn't you go after him?" Batman glowered at Wally.

Wally blinked, "Um…because Robin told me to not push it on…certain days? And because I respect his wishes…? And know he wouldn't be overdramatic or reckless when all evidence has pointed to the contrary?"

"You know how he gets on this day," Batman marched towards Wally, silently daring him to speak up again.

"Yeah," Wally said slowly, sounding confused, "He gets quiet…and reserved…and quiet."

"What's so special about today?" Garfield asked out loud. Wally frantically waved his hands in the air, gesturing for Garfield to drop it when Batman started to answer him,

"This is the day that Robin lost his parents."

Wally palmed his forehead while Zatanna's eyes widened at the revelation. He was just like _her_.

"What a surprise," Robin's voice came from the other side of the room. Wally looked in the direction it came from and gulped. Robin's stance wasn't defensive, but stiff with his fists clenched at his sides, "I leave for a few minutes just to get some air and I come back to this."

Wally shot a glare at Batman that told him he screwed up, but it went unnoticed.

"Batman?" Robin kept his voice firm, but cool, "Can we talk for a minute? In Black Canary's office?"

After a moment of silence, Batman nodded and followed his sidekick.

Conner broke the silence,

"What just happened?"

 **(0-0)**

Batman had ignored his first instinct, which would have been to ignore Robin's request and continue lecturing the Team on how apathetic they were acting towards his son. As he followed Robin down into Black Canary's office, Batman mused at how controlled Robin was acting compared to several months ago. Instead of making harsh accusations at his mentor, Robin contained himself rather well.

They entered the office, but Robin didn't immediately start talking like Batman had expected him to. He glanced at the room. Whoever was in charge of the décor – Batman couldn't remember, it was so long ago since the Justice League used it as headquarters – must have been on to something when they went for the stone walls in here specifically. The water flowing down one wall gave it a more tranquil feel to it, giving the impression of being outdoors with the lighting. Meanwhile, the furniture looked appropriate for a nice living room to read a newspaper or drink tea.

Robin took a seat at the furthest couch, which Batman took as a signal for him to sit down on the opposite end. He sank into the cushions, ignoring the urge to yank his cape so it wouldn't drape over the furniture like it typically did. He was typically the one who started and ended conversations, but Robin's glare almost sent chills down his spine. So, Batman waited.

"You promised," Robin whispered harshly, his voice sounding more brittle in private, "You promised you wouldn't do that."

"Do what?" Batman asked, already knowing the answer.

Robin didn't rise to the bait like he would typically do. Instead, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them again, his expression nearly matched Batman's stoic one, the small frown ruining it.

"You promised you wouldn't tell them anything about me without my permission," Robin continued, "You told me to wear sunglasses around them, not give them my real name, _insisted_ I keep your identities safe too. And suddenly, what you had drilled into me since I was nine went out the window. Why?"

"I felt that the Team could be trus –"

"DON'T GIVE ME THAT BULLSHIT!" Robin stood up from his seat. Batman stayed where he was, "YOU NEVER _TRUST_ ANYONE WITH _ANY_ OF YOUR SECRETS! NOT EVEN ME! WHAT DID I DO WRONG?! WHAT PROMPTED – NO, _INSPIRED_ YOU – TO DECIDE TO TOSS OUR SECRET IDS OUT THE WINDOW?!"

"Today's the anniversary," Batman said coolly.

Robin scowled, "No shit, Sherlock. That still doesn't answer my question."

Batman fought the urge to sigh. Even after four years, he was still making rookie mistakes when it came to Robin, somehow.

"What I meant was," Batman started again, "that I felt that you deserved to be able to talk to the others about your past."

"So why didn't you give me that chance?" Robin countered.

Batman gave no response.

Robin continued, "So, instead of saying something like _Robin, you can tell the Team about yourself if you want_ or _Dick, you don't always have to follow my orders to the letter_ or even _Alfred told me to tell you that you can open up to the others now_ , you just decided to handle things yourself. Because we both know how _great_ that's been in the past.

"Why did you decide to start talking about my past all of a sudden?"

"You were isolating yourself –" Batman began, but Robin cut him off.

"Who told you that this wasn't a healthy thing to do?"

Batman sighed, "Dinah."

"Did she say that I was keeping too many secrets, or did she tell you to tell the Team about my past behind my back?"

"The first one."

Robin fisted his hair and started pacing, "You think I'm a walking mess, don't you? You think I can't do things on my own."

Batman could hear his inner-Alfred telling him _I told you so_ and sighed. He tried again,

"Do you want to tell the Team?"

Robin stopped pacing and looked at Batman suspiciously, "You serious? Or erious?"

"I take it that you're asking if I'm joking?"

"Well, are you?"

"No," Batman said, surprised at how quickly he answered, "this is your call. It should have always been your call. Do you want to tell the others?"

Robin chewed his lower lip for a moment before saying quietly, "Yes."

 **(0-0)**

"Alright," Wally looked at everyone harshly, "Remember what we talked about. No one pushes the issue, no one becomes overly sympathetic."

He held his gaze on Garfield for a few moments longer, "And no one talks about what Batman just said because that wasn't his place."

"I suggest you not say such disrespectful things about our leader," Kaldur said calmly.

"He's right, Kid Flash," Wally felt shivers run down his spine, "You never know when I'm listening in."

He turned around and tried not to yelp as Batman loomed over him.

"Forget what I said earlier," Batman said simply, "You didn't hear it from me."

Then he walked back to the Zeta-tube.

 _Recognize: Batman. 02._

As the flash of light faded, everyone stared at Robin, who was awkwardly shifting in place.

Robin sighed, "You want to know about me?"

No one moved.

"You can be honest, guys," Robin smiled sadly, "I know you want to."

A few heads nodded in agreement. Wally saw that Zatanna was one of them.

"Alright," Robin gestured everyone over to the couches, "Make yourselves comfortable, cause this is gonna take a while."

He waited until everyone had sat down before he sat down at the furthest couch available.

Wally couldn't help but gasp as he watched Robin take off his sunglasses. It was quick, no fanfare, no dramatics. He saw Artemis's eyes widening, knowing that she and Robin went to the same school together.

"First off," Robin began, "My name is Dick Grayson. And I'm about to tell you how I became Robin."

 **(0-0)**

 **Author's Note:** And so ends the first part of my tackling the overused "Dick Grayson's backstory" cliché. Some YJ fics, for some reason, have Batman telling the Team behind Robin's back because of some Fear Gas or injury or nightmare and no one ever calls him out on it. I also feel like he didn't really need to go into such detail into explaining something that his mature _thirteen year old_ could have done on his own.

Plus, I wanted to avoid "Dick becomes a crying mess on the anniversary of his family dying" because that isn't really in character for him. Considering how it was four years since it happened, he would be more reserved and would only want space. Nothing dramatic.

Please review!


	36. The Flying Trapeze II

**Author's Note: Sairey13** , I actually thought that them dying on April 1 was just a fandom thing, to be honest. I know the majority of the YJ story, just not the gritty details. But, to be honest, I don't think the Team is really the 'Let's pull pranks despite our teenage angst on top of saving the world constantly' type. I mean, we have a Speedster who flirts with any cute girl, an angry Kryptonian clone, an Atlantean who is essentially the King's right hand, an emotionally abused archer with Daddy Issues, a White Martian in disguise who doesn't seem like the goofy type and more of a Manic Pixie Dream Girl, a magician in training who lost her dad recently, the newbie who is still trying to get settled onto the Team, and the acrobat slash hacker who only trolls his best friend and enemies on occasion, not really an avid prankster in my opinion.

This is part two of three, people. Stay frosty and Happy April Fool's Day to all!

Thanks to all who reviewed last chapter, too! It means a lot to me, (enter smiley face).

 **0-0**

 _Flying runs in the family, I've been told. Dad once told me that when I was a baby, not even a week old, he took me in his arms and swung on the trapeze without a safety net –_

"HE DID WHAT?!" Zatanna shrieked. Dick flinched at the noise.

Artemis looked just as horrified, "How could your _biological_ family be just as reckless?!"

She muttered under her breath, "And I thought _my_ dad was bad…"

"It was a family tradition," Dick began slowly, but Zatanna cut him off again.

"Weren't other people scared your dad was going to drop you? I mean, you just said you were a baby!"

Dick looked on at Zatanna with an expression one would find on a patient parent to an energetic child, "Are you done?"

"Yes," she sighed.

Dick cleared his throat and continued…

 _Flying runs in the family -_

"You just said that," Rocket said drily. She caught the glare Dick was giving her and closed her mouth.

 _It was me, my mother and father, Aunt Karla, Uncle Rick, and their son, John. John was a couple of years older than me and allowed to do the more dangerous stunts with the grown-ups -_

"How _old_ was your cousin?" Artemis asked.

Dick scratched his head for a moment, "I think he was at least sixteen..."

"I was just curious," Artemis explained simply with a light tone, "Didn't want to think your family would put a little kid in danger."

"Anyways," Dick gritted his teeth and continued.

 _We were the Flying Graysons, the biggest act of Haley's Circus –_

"So _that's_ why you had us on that mission back in December!" M'Gann smiled broadly, "You wanted to help keep your old friends from losing their home."

"And there was criminal activity going on at the same time," Dick added, "Two birds, one stone."

"Now I _really_ wish I was with you all," Wally mused.

At the looks he was given, Wally rolled his eyes, "What, Dick and I've been friends for years. I've always known his secret ID."

"Who cares about that," Garfield jumped in his seat, looking at Dick excitedly, "Tell us of the circus!"

 _When I was eight –_

"Nine."

Dick glared at Wally.

Wally coughed into his mouth and started, "You, uh, you said that it…happened when you were nine. Just saying."

 _I was_ nine _when all of that changed._

 _And to give you some insight, I wasn't allowed to do any of the really dangerous stunts. Even though I could do a quadruple backflip – my cousin, John couldn't pull_ that _off, and he was older –_

"You can do a what?" Rocket interrupted again.

"A quadruple backflip," Dick repeated, "I'm one of the few in the world that can do it."

"How do you know?"

"Because it was part of the advertisement at Haley's," Dick said simply.

"Alright," Rocket shrugged and dropped the issue.

 _Since I was the youngest, my family didn't want me to do any of the dangerous stunts until I was older, because we did them without a safety net. On the bright side, I had the best seat in the house, watching my whole family do amazing tricks up close._

 _I never knew either of my grandparents on either side of the family and the owner of the circus, Pop Haley, was practically everyone's grandfather. He was named godfather to me and John, so we'd always have a home._

"What happened?" M'Gann asked softly, "You said 'always have a home', but…why couldn't you stay with him?"

Dick became somber, "I'm getting to that. No more interruptions."

 _We went to Gotham for our next performance. It was April 1_ _st_ _, so John and I were going to pull a big prank on our families after the show. But, in the afternoon, I was walking by Pop's trailer and I heard shouting._

 _Next thing I knew, someone was being thrown out of the trailer and tumbled a few feet away from me._

" _I don't want anything to do with your kind!" Pop shouted at him._

 _The guy got up, and I got a better look at his face. It was lean with high cheekbones and he had a fedora on his head and a toothpick in his mouth. Our eyes met and I backed away on instinct. He turned his attention back to Pop._

" _Reconsider," he said in what I thought was supposed to be a friendly voice, but it sounded so…false, "Gotham's not a safe place. You could afford some protection, for a price."_

 _Pop didn't budge, "We don't need protection, now_ leave!"

 _And he spat the ground where that guy was standing. He stormed off and Pop finally saw me._

 _If you think I can remember what happened afterwards, don't. It was a couple of years ago and everything else was a blur. I guess Pop wanted to make sure I was okay, and if there were other guys like him hanging around. The guy's name was Tony Zucco and we didn't know it at the time, but he was a mobster that was climbing the ladder in the criminal underworld._

 _So, that night, I didn't really think much of it until…_

Dick stopped and took a shaky breath. Wally was at his side in an instant.

"Easy, buddy," Wally said softly.

Dick gently pushed his friend away, "No…I can do this."

He took another breath and continued.

 _When we were getting ready…I saw him. Zucco. But he was dressed like one of our crew. I tried to get my parents to notice, but they didn't hear me. I didn't know what he did, but I tried to ignore it._

 _We got up the trapeze, the spotlight was on us, and we posed. Then, one by one, my family started doing their act while I stood back and watched. First, my dad. Then my mom. Then my cousin, John. All I could remember was him ruffling my hair like he always did and I felt at ease for a bit. Aunt Karla got on the trapeze, next. When Uncle John got on last, though…_

 _The wire snapped._

 _They fell, in front of hundreds of people, in front of Pop Haley, and in front of me. Without a safety net._

"Crunch," Dick said softly and stopped.

Almost everyone in the room had misty eyes. Garfield buried himself into M'Gann's arms, the loss of his own mother still fresh. Conner was stony-faced, trying to process the information given. His head bowed in sympathy. Kaldur closed his eyes and sighed, ready to pray. Artemis dug her fingers into her knees, trying not to fall apart. Wally wrapped an arm around Dick again, this time, the comfort was not rejected. Zatanna was there, now, holding Dick as tightly as she could, tears streaming down her face.

Dick's breathing was slow, but steady. His eyes were dry, though he looked like he wanted to cry. He opened his mouth and continued.

 _The police came. I don't remember coming down the ladder, I think someone had to get me down themselves. Pop and the rest of the family; the clowns, the palm-readers, the jugglers, the tamer, the singers, they were all there for me in an instant._

 _I didn't think things could get any worse, but they did._

 _A woman had come not even two hours later, dressed in a grey pencil skirt and white blouse. She reminded me of the Trunchbull, from_ Mathilda _, and she looked at me like_ I _was the one who killed my family._

 _I had told the police my story and Pop backed me up on it. I just didn't remember if they believed me or not._

 _The woman said she was from Child Services and that she was here to take me away._

"What?" Kaldur said softly.

" _He's going to St. Paul's Home for Criminal Children until further notice."_

 _I was so young back then, I heard the words, but I didn't understand them. Home? The circus was my home. And so were the people who lived there. Then I realized that she said 'criminal' and I pulled away from her as fast as I could. Was it against the law to lose your whole family?_

 _Pop had his arms around me in a second and looked at the woman with horror._

" _Why?" He asked._

" _Because there's no room in the other foster homes," I could remember how_ un- _sorry she sounded when she said it –_

Dick stopped again, this time looking at Kaldur, who was staring bug-eyed and looked apoplectic.

"Forgive me, but…that does not sound like proper protocol," Kaldur observed coolly, "The quote-unquote accident happened not even two hours prior and yet someone already called Child Services?"

"Yeah," Garfield added in a quiet voice. Dick looked at him and saw the boy biting his lip hard, like he was trying to maintain himself, "When my mom…you know…it wasn't…I mean they didn't…"

"Child Services wasn't jumping down to take Garfield that quickly," M'Gann jumped in, wrapping an arm around the boy in a comforting gesture, "It was at least a whole day. At the time, he was staying here while we waited for news."

"And Gotham's pretty crime infested," Artemis scratched her head, "So how did they find the time to get someone over to Haley's Circus that _quickly_?"

Dick opened his mouth to answer, and then closed it.

"I have done research on how the Surface-Dwellers' realm of government and laws compare and contrast to Atlantis," Kaldur continued, "For someone to arrive at the scene that quickly would be unrealistic. Social Services is a physically and exhausting career choice because so few are willing to apply for those positions. And their immediate solution is to throw you into a prison for _minors_?! That woman could not have been a social worker, she would have to have shown up 24 hours at the earliest!"

Dick's eyes widened in horror, "You mean I was technically _kidnapped?!_ "

"It would appear so," Kaldur nodded solemnly, "Especially if she was ignoring the fact that your godfather was already with you and was willing to cart you away that quickly."

Dick looked thoughtful, before he smiled darkly,

"You know what? You're right, Kaldur. No wonder Bruce was so pissed when he finally got me out."

"Your guardian?"

"Yep," Dick nodded, "He was at the circus and we were there on his dime, so he saw the accident. If you're expecting me to go into detail about what happened in Juvie, you'd be disappointed. Can't really remember it that well except that the ones who deserved to be in there were mean, there were some kids in there just for stealing for their families – Bruce was _really_ pissed when he found out about _that –_ and there were some who actually had standards. Some jerks tried to beat me up, but it's hard to hit a little kid who could do backflips and could fight someone taller than himself. And even harder if there were some kids were willing to fight for me. Not so much when the guards decided to join in, for 'Fun'. And it was always with the _real_ criminals."

"Tell me he actually got that bitch arrested," Artemis scowled.

Dick's grin grew larger, much like a Cheshire Cat looming above a tree branch. Artemis suddenly thought of Jade.

"Oh," he shook his head, chuckling as if he were told an amusing joke, "You actually _want_ to know what happened to her?"

" _Why was he put in here?"_

 _Dick couldn't help but admire the woman for not being intimidated by Mr. Wayne. She didn't seem to flinch, which was something that anyone would have done if a six foot tall man in a dress suit came barging in looking like he belonged to action movies._

 _On the other hand, maybe she didn't really realize that the other guards and even the person at the desk were shivering like a great wind had made itself known in the building and had taken residence until further notice._

" _Because he's a circus freak," the woman said, completely oblivious to the big gestures the other guards were trying to get across to her. And someone facepalming themselves at what she said. Or the person behind Mr. Wayne that was mouthing 'Shut up, you're making things worse, you idiot!'_

"How the hell did you see that person mouthing the social worker to shut up?" Garfield piped up.

"Because I was behind the social worker when it happened," Dick said simply.

"You're just handwaving a lot of this, aren't you?" Conner raised an eyebrow.

"Maybe," Dick admitted.

 _BAM!_

 _She hit the ground and slid three feet across the floor. Dick stared at her and then at Mr. Wayne, suddenly realizing that there was no one else between him and the larger man who looked like he was ready to murder someone._

 _Suddenly, Mr. Wayne's face changed, like a switch had been flipped in his head. His expression became softer, though the edges of his mouth were awkward, as though he was trying to figure out whether to smile or look solemn._

" _Alfred," he said quietly. The man with pepper-gray hair nodded behind him. Mr. Wayne continued as if he knew that his words were silently acknowledged, "I want you to take Richard to the car and make sure he's okay. We might need to make a stop at Leslie's, first."_

" _Of course, sir," Alfred strode across the room and came behind Dick, gently putting his arms on the boy's shoulders and slowly guiding him out. Dick took one last look at the social worker, and then smirked at the stain on the front of her pencil skirt. She looked even more terrified than everyone else in the room put together now._

 _As he was guided out the door by the man named Alfred, he could hear Mr. Wayne begin to_ scream _about what a disgrace the staff was and what a horrible woman she was and that they would be ruined by the time he was done with them._

"Wow," Artemis whistled, "Punching a social worker and making her pee herself? If there was a picture of that, I'd buy it."

Kaldur frowned, "Wouldn't his actions have warranted a lawsuit for assault?"

"This is Bruce Wayne we're talking about," Dick said simply like it were the most obvious thing, "He might follow the rules and give to charity, but he's like his mother. A social crusader. What, do you think he would have just taken me out of the place and _not_ investigate what he saw? Seriously, the _richest man in Gotham doing nothing_ about serious child abuse? If he didn't do anything about, I'd actually believe those dumb socialites saying I'm just a charity case."

"Did you hear what happened to the woman afterwards?" Zatanna asked gently.

"I checked online a while ago," Dick explained, "Apparently, there was this _massive_ investigation on the Juvie and the entire staff was arrested and fired. The social worker got blacklisted and the place got a _huge_ makeover. I think that was one of the biggest projects Bruce ever actively funded. Even if he didn't do anything – which would have been _insane_ if he didn't - the media would have picked up on where I was and would have whipped the public into a frenzy. Surviving acrobat in high profile case not given due process and treated like a criminal? I mean, _seriously_!"

There was a short silence afterwards. No one wanted to speak up after seeing how passionate Dick ranted as his face turned red.

"Why don't we take a break and I'll get some snacks," M'Gann said out loud, "Robin, or, er… _Dick_. Do you want anything?"

"Water," he said, clearing his throat, "talking for this long isn't fun."

* * *

 **Author's Note:** I decided to do this cliché in the form of a sporking, where other characters stop the story to poke holes at it. Also got this idea from reading a TwiSpite fic called _Sattelite Eyes_ where Buffy the Vampire Slayer poked holes at Edward Cullen's "romantic" monologue about why he loves Bella in New Moon.

Also thought it would have been mean to have the others actually mock Dick's origin story, so that is why I had to change it up. I really hate how serious these chapters have been and I wanted some humor in them. I swear, I'll be able to write funnier stuff when I get to the others.

I also admit to _REALLY_ hating this cliché. The 'Dick Grayson Origin Story That Is Never Really Different and Just a Lame Excuse For Fluff That Falls Flat From Plot Holes and Stupidness'. I mean, in most of the Dick Grayson origin stories I read, Bruce _NEVER_ does anything to handle the Juvie problem, even though he is an advocate for child's rights and is considered a philanthropist. Only a few have actually ensured that there is closure on the Juvie bit and I can count them on one hand. And one of them, _Becoming Robin_ , actually dove into what being in Juvie for a month would have done to Dick psychologically instead of most fics that just handwave it. No amount of hugs and cuddles from Daddy!Bats is going to take away the fact that an innocent child was put into a corrupt foster system and abused constantly.

It was pretty dark and I appreciate the fact that the writer actually had the thing resolved in the epilogue.

To clarify, one version of Dick's origins comes from Robin Annual #4, from 1995. It is a more modern retelling of Dick's story, where instead of being sent to an orphanage, he is sent to a Juvie hall on grounds that all foster homes are booked. It is decently written and unfortunately had the same pitfalls that most Dick Grayson origin fics had, where Bruce doesn't do anything to fix the Juvie system. So, if you want something to blame for the bad origin story fics, blame THAT.

I prefer Batman Year Three for Dick's origin, because I think an experience like _that_ in Robin Annual would have made Dick more bitter, especially since Bruce isn't exactly Father of the Year in the comics.

Sorry for the long rant, have a potato.

What? There isn't a potato pic posted here? Then April Fool's!

Thanks for reading, be patient for part three and please review!


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